So sad... nobody's free to go party with MeL... nobody nobody nobody! 2've got army another's got exams and another one's got other responsibilities and priorities.... what is the whole point of being free and with cash when there's no one to spend it with? So sad...

Spoken like a souvenir
Touch all of your childhood fears
Keep them at a gentle pace
Closer now to feel their heat

Somebody says,
Somebody says,
Somebody says
I love you

All those years you never knew
All the things that I could do
I keep them in a hidden place
So I can rub them in your face

Somebody says,
Somebody Says,
Somebody says
I made you
I made you,
I made you,
I made you.

Breed!
Breed on your own!
You're always alone
You suffering clone.

Maybe you're not good enough
Good enough to make me blush
So many reasons I can find
To kill this little clone of mine
I hold your grace
Like a broken vase
You've been replaced
Cuz I made you

Somebody says,
Somebody says

Breed!
Breed on your own!
You're always alone
You suffering clone

I made you

Breed, breed on your own
You're always alone
You suffering clone

Somebody says
Somebody says
Somebody says
I love you

Somebody says
Somebody says
Somebody says
I love you

so who wants to drink with MeL? :P

Fuck. I've had a helluva day. I smoked one stick just now. I'm edgy as hell and waiting to blow up. I've been having a really long face all bloody day long. I think I scared the kiddies hahaha. Or so my mom says. Well whatever.

My ezlink card is empty. I can't really go out. I can barely eat or drink so hey. I hate this feeling of lathargy. It's normally a good thing when I'm tired and sleepy. I generally like it. But this time it's getting to me. It's only 2128h and already I feel like sleeping. You tell me what' wrong with this picture.

I'm too angsty and irritable to do much now. Where is everybody you ask? They're out collecting their beer money I'm betting. Go figure.

DAMNIT! Good for NOTHING sore throat! WHY must you bother me now? At Chinese New Year?! WHY?! MY God! The only thing I ate that could've caused it was the blardy curry puff! Was it so wrong? Argh!!! Looks like I won't be playing Mah Jong huh....

Fine, you lot caught me in the middle of my sudden need to write a review. (Not a very good one at that. I got out of that mood barely into writing it.)

So far, Chinese New Year's been pretty cool. Apart from the fact that I think I'm coming down with something. Excessive wine drinking is so not good. Let's see. Things that I have planned.

1. Meeting up with the old schoolies for drinks either at Liquid Kitchen or Wala. Personally I love the drinks at Wala but LK is too near home to pass up.
2. clubbing at MoS this Friday with Jada, Rick (if he's not working late), Kenny and Luke (if he calls and lets me know...)
3. Traffic Light party this weekend at Far East Square
4. The boys at Wala. I owe Tapioca Boy a drink. Not to mention I wanna hear the live band again. Also I want to know what it would be like to finish 3 jugs on my own. :D Kenny inspired this btw...
5. I promised to hang out with JonNy when he comes down. Which, incidentally, is this Wednesday :)
6. i know there's sth else im sposed to do but i forget :P

Memoirs of a Geisha

Prostitution or finesse? you take your pick. Memoirs of a Geisha tells the story of a 12-year old girl, Chiyo (Suzuka Ohgo), who was sold and made to live in an Okiya. The childs' struggles mimic that of a modern world in which she strives to be all that she can be. Her parents having died and her sister run away, Chiyo realises that she has no choice but to accept what the fates had dealt unto her. Who knew that one day she would become the greatest Geisha who ever lived. Nothing about Chiyo chance meeting with the debonaire Chairman (Ken Watanabe) was coincidental. It gave her a goal to live for.

Memoirs of a Geisha is not something that just lightly touches of the underworld of Japans older days. It shows the bigger picture behind life and how sometimes your life affects others more than it does yourself.

Bulfinch's Mythology

Bulfinch's Mythology
Originally uploaded by enter_the_red_realm.

I can't believe it's taken me soo long to finally get down to reading this book... It's thick but not as thick as say Homer but then again my copy of Homer is totally unabridged. I'll want to take either on back with me to Austrlia. Speaking of which, I may be leaving earlier than the 1st. I'm not about to say anything to anyone in person just yet. If you find out, you find out if you don't, you don't. I don't like goodbyes. Come to think of it I don't quite like hellos either.

I dreamt I was in Poly. And I had to rush out to go to Kenny's house because something or other happened. But when I got there, the outside area looked nothing like Kenny's. There was a garden and all. It looked more like iHouse, Everyone there knew me but I only could recognise Kenny and Alex. For some reason I was freaking out. I can't quite remember why. So, Kenny took me into one of the houses and there were Jada and Madz wtching TV with our new house mate, Aruthur. I got irritated coz the fridge was pathetic, and storage space was non existent. And then, something else happened. This other guy came in and insisted that I couldn't live in that apartment and insisted I had to live in his. I followed him (not a smart idea huh) and sure enough his apartment was huge, gorgeous and it just screamed home. I sat down on the couch as he gave me a cigarette, I lit up and then I woke up. So now I'm awake, drinking tea and hoping Sri comes back soon with my fags.

I just have one thing to say. Ma Nah Ma Nah, In a Hong Kong accent. HOW?!

For the record, remind me NEVER to call people up just to say hi anymore. It makes no sense. It just makes NO FUCKING SENSE TO ME. I'm not really pissed off. Just a little whiney but whatever right? It's not like you give a fuck anyways.

I'm more than happy to go back to my wine.

Nifty and random piece of information. (Cia I'm sure you know this but this is for you anyways!)
Did you know that among the contenders for the role of Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was none other than Marily Manson? I didn't know that... But anyways, I LURVE JOHNNY DEPP!!! w00t!!

when the world ends, collect your things, you're coming with me

I was trying to clean my room. Note the trying. I ran into a lot of this from way back when. Including this strange little paper lily that he folded for me. I think this is the problem with cleaning. Apart from the fact that i hate the dust and I generally can't be bothered, it makes me remember things I would rather forget. I know it's stupid and I should just get rid of all this junk right? I can't really bare to do it though... I mean I can't throw away my old journals... They're important to me. There are things in my life that I don't care to remember and other things that I never want to forget.

I guess I just don't like the whole sappy emotions thing. It's irritating. Come on, I'm not a sappy person by nature. Whatever man... It's in the past right? I know it was kinda mean for me to do that. But so help me God if I ever see Adrian again... I don't know what I'd do. It was a bloody mistake from the start.

Chinese New Year is coming up in a couple of days. This is a pretty bad time for me to feel like I'm losing grip on things now is it? I don't quite know what I want to do at this point. If anything, I realise there's a part of me that I can't quite show anyone else. I don't think anyone else is ready for it. Only a select few see me for what I really am. And even those I hold close to me are sceptical. It's kinda sad sometimes but for the greater good I just shouldn't talk about it. Lest my having read I, Lucifer comes off as some rubbish about me making a pact with the devil. I mean come on lar... After all the rubbish I've done I wouldn't be surprised if I landed up way down South.

I suppose at this point I just have to be comfy in my own skin. I'll just have to be undeniably me now don't I? I'm back to being the kinda girl that doesn't really give a damn about what other people think. My life is my life and no one else has a say in what I do and how I do it. It's not like I'm killing someone right? So what business is it to them what I do. I've had enough of listening to people who don't know the full situation. I've had enough of giving up on myself before even trying.

Take Away My Pain, Dream Theatre

ooooooooooooooo!! This is interesting!! This is new!!! This, I like... :D
I just got home from meeting up with the girls. Reminiscing all over again! We're thinking of meeting up and roping loads more people in too! Ah.. the good old days. Never a dull moment. It's a pity that after we left everything hit rock bottom eh?

I miss the days when there was nothing substantial to worry about. No money issues, no boyfriend nonsense, nothing at all. Except having to wake up early la... But even then it wasn't that big of a deal to us. I miss you loads!!

And something I plucked off Alex's friendster page...
Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. -William Shakespeare

Dreams of the Past, Screams of the Future

I've finally finished reading I, Lucifer. It's brilliant. But who would've thought that something so maniacally wonderful could just turn around all of a sudden. I'm shocked. Really, I am. It got depressing for some reason. Oh well...

Anyways, next on my list of books to read is the one that Jon bought me or Bulfinch. Well, they're both mythology. Bulfinch's got most of it covered and The Odessy... Well... unabridged Homer should prove a thought provoking read.

And suddenly I don't want to watch Memoirs of a Geisha anymore. Don't ask me why. I'm just in one of those moods I guess.

I'm looking forward to later. I sorely miss my old schoolmates.

I know it's a little random but I thought I should say it anyway.

Thank you Saf. It meant a lot. :)

You know what, you're my friend. You're family to me. I don't ever want to have to fight you. Say what you will to me. Interfere if you feel you must. I would like to believe I'm beyond that. All these years and all the shit we've been through counts so much more to me than anything else. I love you my brother. I always will. No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you. No matter what. :)

hello? get you're story right before you come making noise at me. Got it?
If you have something to say to me that's actually true then say it to my face. If not, get lost.

This is my curse. This is my problem. I don't want anyone to get involved. That's just the way I am. But sometimes, I need someone to listen to. Sometimes I need a friend.

But what happens when you wonder if you've got friends? What happens when you begin to think that everyone's given up on you?

I'm just me. I'm not supergirl. I don't want to be. I get hurt too. From the people I never thought could hurt me. Until it boils down to it, I don't realise that what you're saying cuts likes a knife. Who cares anyways, my best friends don't read this. They wouldn't know.

Take me home. Please.

bad moods

My brother's event's been cancelled. It's definitely a blow to me but... to my brother, it'll hurt even more. I'm already feeling shitty as it is, this is just another stab to me. Pretty soon I'm just going to be immune to it all. This just really is a bad time for me.

I know you said I'm being petty and I know that I shouldn't think the way I do. But honestly, you know what kinda person I am. I don't like it when people say shit about me. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault. I suppose I've just got myself to blame for all this nonsense. I just... You know what, forget it. I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

So I've got no life. Whatever. I just finished watching Corpse Bride. And no, I don't like it. I think it's stupid. It's about a stupid man who doesn't know what he wants. Poor bugger gets confused. Personally I don't see how the movie could have been better. I applaud the set the style and everything but the plot. the story was annoying.

THANK YOU. For spoiling my mood. You mean well but really, thank you. You know what, from now on I'm just not going to tell you anything. Because in your eyes, nothing I do is right. I'm just one big royal screw up aren't I? I can't ever be as good as you. I can't ever be as wonderful as you. This has been a incredible awakening. I just never thought that you could be that kind of person. I don't believe that you of all people understand me. You don't know what I'm doing and you don't know what you're doing either. So just stop it. Leave me the hell alone. I have no patience to deal with you anymore. That way, you'll win this ridiculous fight. And for the world to see, I'll put it here. You're better than me. Ok? Happy now?

Congratulations. There you've succeeded in screwing up my day. I'm lucky that I've got a brother who although takes cigarettes from me, gives me financial power. Yes people, I am going to work. but hey, at 10 bucks an hour? I say bring it on. I'll be able to shop and do things and party again!

Just don't mind me I'm just in one of those strange moods. Sometimes I think my mom is like my friends. Only a lot more sensitive. As strange as this sounds, she makes noise to me about the same things they do. I give up. Really, I don't know what to say. I don't want to mope around about my own shit. I'm more than capable of dealing with it. I don't like being indebted to people. I really don't. This isn't a good feeling at all.

Damn it. I'm pissed off. I'm going to go watch the Corpse Bride! Johnny Depp... If he can't make me feel better no one can.

I feel increidbly indepted. it's nice. really. it's nice. 

jada's was the bomb! i haven't been swimming in such a long long time. i miss it. really i do. 

like i said, i'm scared. i can't help it. but i am.

And now I end with my favourite quote from my all time favourite author.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darknes, so working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
- Neil Gaiman

Maybe... Maybe there really isn't a catch. Maybe this is it! Maybe maybe maybe. Why do you keep toying with us? You've NEVER lied to me before. Why start now? WHY?

I'm sure that there's a perfectly good reason behind all this nonsense. It just means I'm not supposed to know which means that everything you said ran in opposites which means........ w00t!

Thanks. But really. WHAT IS THE CATCH. There's gotta be a catch. There's ALWAYS a catch. I know I should listen but I can't help myself. This isn't working out for me. There's definitely something wrong with this picture. There's GOT to be something wrong. Nothing is ever this... perfect. *For lack of a better term*

Let's see, what happened the last time this happened.

*think think think*

Oh. Shit. Not good.

PS: If you have no idea what I'm talking about, good for you. You don't want to know/don't deserve to know. THEREFORE, I'm not telling you. And if you bug me about it, I will seriously tell you to piss off.

These things, these things that come and go
They swallow the spirit, that soul you think you know
These people, the ones that seem to delve
Deeply into the crevices you never knew were there

Loved for those sacred moments,
Held sweetly, fingertips stroking softly
In glass ball of burning fire, blazing, raging flame
Sheltered, my shattered-ness
In the arms of that one yet again,

It mends
Let me heal you…. Shelter you
From the harshness in the midst of that gentle wind
That sings and cries, that sees all and hears everything

Caress, tenderly stroke the heart, kiss, breathe sweetly in
The sacred equity of it,
Breathe again, the crisp sense of emotion
They look straight into you… Delving quietly
They give you rolling, pulsating feelings
Of being placated, satiated, satisfied
And repulsed at nature’s ways
They leave you reminiscent and yearning
Angry, and pushing and dancing astray,
Craving.

As for me,
I wish I were the wind, seeing all, singing softly
Caressing,
Following wherever they may go,
Wherever you may go
In this life, or some other, where pain ceases to exist…
What does it matter?

I wish I were a star, burning flame, raging fire
Self-sustaining and sustained by everything
In a glass ball where memories end and thoughts begin
Where sacred moments take root
Pleasant thoughts sear and scar within temptation
Pleasant thoughts of you

Where a moment of un-shattered-ness
Could last forever
And fresh ideas would be a thing of the past
Innocence, haunt me never.

I don't think I can talk to people and have them take me seriously anymore. At least I still have other avenues of letting go. I still have my dreams.

What I do is MY business. What I am has nothing to do with anyone else. What I choose to me isn't something that's based on someone else's opinions. Sometimes I like to let go. Sometimes I want to be free. But somehow every time I do that, I end up regretting it. Go figure eh? Maybe I'm just not supposed to let go.

There are some people in this world that can put up a huge mask and hide behind it. I never want to be like that. I never want to have to do stupid things just to... Well yea. I don't want to but I land up doing it all the same.

Sometimes I wish I weren't so emo. Sometimes I wish things would just change. I just have a knack for screwing good things up don't I? Oh well. Not like I can do anything at this point so well. Yea.

There's a lot that I want to say but... I don't know how to say it. So until I do, it's just me.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing makes sense at all! Why can't I remember anything? I'm cnofused. Argh... I'm too lazy to post up pictures and videos (that were taken with my pathetic camera phone). Heh.

The problem with drinking is that you land up forgetting things. A lot of things.

Let there be Hoedingtons

Oh before I forget, you don't know beer until you've tried Hoedingtons!!! Right right? God... My brain's gone into random mode...

That is very strange. I remember coming home. I remember talking on the phone, talking online and then going to bed. I don't remember turning the power off on everything. But when I woke up, The power was gone....

Not to mention I keep having the same dream. I was desperately trying to get water. But every time and everywhere I went to ask for it, they gave me beer. Strange yes?

PARADISE CITY!

Omg... I'm sooo dead... Daddy are going to kill me ahahahahahahaha!!!! BUT I'm too high to care at this point. We spent sooo much cash man........ Damn it! Why must beer be so expensive??? HAR? Stupid...

But...

It was fun. Kenny and Alex. Brilliant. Just brilliant. I couldn't have asked for a better night out.

Actually... Aiya, phorget it.

Rantings of the Clinically Insane!

Hello hello. Yes, it's me. I'm finally wide awake again. But if anything, I've FINALLY finished making the calendar. Haha... Ok fine, I'm bored. And annoyed. But hey, don't lecture me about what to tell your significant others! Especially when it's got nothing to do with me in the first place considering I haven't really got anyone to tell anything to.

Blah blah blah

On a brighter note, I'm addicted to Neko the Kitty and Sinfest courtesy of Alex. Thank you!!! :D

Ok, I'm gonna go eat and watch Zim.

Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and Coffee and Hoegaarden and YAY!!!

These Were the Days Worth Living

It's nice talking to old friends. I miss the old days but I love the new ones too. :)

Primary school days rawked. Days where the 3 of us were completely untouchable and without a doubt the most notorious girls the school had ever seen. w00t!

Reminiscing is fun... Ok brain still dead heh...

Sulk.


Whine.


SCREAM!!!

I've had it. One week PLUS of house arrest is getting to me. I HATE IT!!! I need cash. I need to work. Argh... But I'm going back soon aren't I... A month and a half's time. I wanna go out!! Damn it Jada why must you be in JB? WHY? Then I could have made plans and gone out! See, if we had gone to MoS today we could go to Zouk on Wednesday! Or Vice Versa! Ugh whatever lar... I'm very sick of waiting around at home collecting dust.

ok ok ok ok ok... That was insensitive. I'm ranting. I won't take it off though but still you know what I mean. Come on man... Cliche much?

Yes, believe it or not I'm STILL AWAKE. I can't sleep... I'm dead tired but I can't sleep. And trust me, I've tried. I'm not writing either. I wrote another 100+ words and called it quits for the night/morning. (whatever...)

But seeing as I'm not really thinking coherently, I shall stop for now eh?

*sigh* I'm constantly plagued...

I have ONE question.

PAYMENT?! WHAT PAYMENT??? :S
No offence and all but wtf?

A bird flew into my house. Last I heard it's on top of the light nearest the front door. The amusing thing is, I had to explain to Adam why it was there. Sweet kid. If it were up to me, I wouldn't let anything happen to him. He is my nephew of course.

All I need
Is the air you breath
All I need
Is the air I breathe
All you need
Is the air we breathe
There are so many things
We need so desperately
And the TV preaches
We can't live without them
You tell me what is neat
I'll tell ya what I believe
If I ever were without it
Then I'd be worthless
'Cause you are everything
The only thing that matters
You are everything
The only thing that I need
You are everything
The only thing that matters
Yes you are everything
You are the air I breathe
I wonder if some day
We took all their toys away
Do you think they'd find the strength
To go on living?
'Cause deep inside I know
If I lost everything I owned
I'd be a king
As long as you're beside me
'Cause you are everything
The only thing that matters
Yes you are everything
The only thing I need
My love means everything
The only thing that matters
Yes you are everything
You are the air I breathe
The air I breathe
I hope someday they find
A place to bid online
Where all lost souls
Can find themselves some meaning
I know we'll survive
All we need's more time
As long as we've got love, and art,
And the ocean
And we are everything
The only thing that matters
We are everything
There's nothing else I need
Our love is everything
The only thing that matters
Cause we are everything
You are the air I breathe
The air I breathe

Stabbing Westward, The Only Thing

I love I love I love! LOVE!!!

Just Another Lonely Night

Kenny told me "Time is a cruel thing."

I can't help but agree. How many times has a person wondered what would have happened if they a had a little more of it at any point in time or what could be if they had waited more or not at all. Don't you agree?

A lot of things are centralised around timing. Galileo and the earth is not round thing. Life on Mars, relationships, exams or wet nail polish.

Time just has it's own wonderful way of sneaking up on you and before you know it, the moment is gone and what you had is lost. It builds up to regret doesn't it?

You really do learn something new every day. In my case, it's just how diabolical some people are. And how we are so alike. I did the same thing once remember? Instigate little by little and watch as the pieces start falling exactly how you want it to. Or at least similar to what you want it to. The last time I launched something like that the results were just as I had expected only after a while it just got messier and messier. And my current plans... Well, we shall see how they go shall we? I can't help but love watching. In any case it just takes one little event to get things going right?

Perhaps I should just concede to an early death and apply for a hierarchal position. Who knows how long I can tolerate my sudden appearance and dissappearance of entertainment?

I ARE OUT OF CIGARETTES!!!!!!! *faints*

Take Me Down To The Paradise City

Or in this girl's case, Mass Comm. It's regrettable that I didn't manage to make to the road show at Civic Centre today. I miss poly. It all started with Geoff and I hanging out, reminiscing of old times. As crazy as it got, we always made it one way or another. I suspect it's because we had each other.

I begin to doubt a lot of things about this new life I've found for myself. And sometimes, I wish it weren't so. I'm supposed to be living the dream but it doesn't seem like a dream to me most of the time. Perhaps I'm just too darned Jaded.

All that aside, Jazz at Southbridge is excellent. I recommend it to everyone. :) The stupid part about it was that I left my phone there but the manager called my mom who called Geoff. We were already on separate trains. But I managed to get to Geoff before my mom did so we back tracked to get my phone back (and to use their toilet ha ha). Otherwise, the drinks were great (average price for Boat Quay area - it's still pricey to me) and the music was even better.

I've been going out so much. I have to stop. This is not good at all. Friday night at Holland V was fun too. But I'm too lazy to mention everything that I've done from Christmas up till now. :P

I had a strange dream. I dreamt of Him again. I was in Australia my mom was there the guys were there even Ben and Emil were there. I was ecstatic. Suddenly we (a couple of other girls and I), were dressed in really strange outfits. One of those cospaly ones I think. Then I remember talking to this kid about stuff pilots can buy and get in from duty free. The exact same conversdation I had with Alex yesterday night. Then this is the scarey part. I dreamt of Jessica we were in the stre ets of London and I was apparently filthy rich. Haha! But that's not the last fragment. Get this. This outrageously hot guy who, (in my dream), I knew to be MY boyfriend pulled me aside because something strange was going on. As in people were starting to vanish. We found the cause. A viral epidemic. He decided that it wasn't safe for me to go with him so he took me home and left me with my dad to whom he told everything and in return got interrogated. Haha. And then I woke up. Because some CHINESE IDIOT dialed the WRONG number, thinking I was some CHINESE TUITION TEACHER. Grr

Nobody. And I mean NOBODY threatens my family. You may be some tough guy who's had his past entwined with a lot of underground and under the table shit but you have no idea what we could do to you. So I'll say it again, nobody threatens my family. And if you even think about doing anything, you'll have more than just a mortal waiting for you at the nd of the road.

No one's perfect. Right?

The world's a competition that nobody can ever win.

Almost a YEAR and you're not over her?

Oh my God. There you have it, we've just met Psycho Stalker numero duo. In the form of a male this time. GET OVER IT!! You broke up forever ago! Ya I get it you only start to treasure what you had the minute you lose it but you're taking this too far. I don't know why you're so self absorbed. So much for free will.

This is interesting. I have just been informed of a likely possibility as to why I'm falling sick. You see, one of the few things in my life that I've ever really been diligent about is smoking. I close to never last a day without at least 3 sticks. But in the past 3 days, I've only had 4. 3 technically considering I had to dump 2 barely halfway into them. And now that my body's realised that the intake has dipped significantly, it's not happy. But amazingly enough it's getting used to it. The only way to stop feeling shitty is to light up. But soon after that one stick is gone, the ill feeling returns. Strange. Ah well.

In the mean time, I've got to go and get my resume done properly or I'll never be able to find a job in Melbourne. *sigh*

New Year Red and Blues?

My God. It's only the second day of the year and already my patience have been tried over a handful of times. So much for tolerance. But trust me I really did try.

I don't understand why I keep running to individuals with the whole woe is me complex. Fine I can understand that things are getting bad or someone or other irritated the shit out of you. Don't use me as an excuse when the rest of your world is busy. Don't fucking leave me in the ditch the minute someone else comes along. Honestly, don't give me excuses. Don't tell me that you want to talk to me when you obviously are only doing that because you haven't got anyone else to talk to. I for one will not give you the time of day.

Another thing is, if you know you fucked up just say sorry and let it go. Give me crap or stupid excuses and you still expect me to let it go? After yelling at me no less? Oh and in response to the "what more do you want me to do line", think about who you're yelling at, think about why and then come talk to me. I have no patience for anybody who hasn't the decency to respect others. And I don't give a flying fuck whether you're 10 years older than me or 10 years younger for that matter. It's common courtesy.

Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everybody, I AM NOT A TOUCHY PERSON. Unless I openly say that I regard you as my close/best/good friend by all means you are free to hug me and put your arm around my shoulder or whatever. Cross that line and I won't be happy at all. Also, if you THINK that you are one of the above mentioned groups of people, think again. Because if I haven't said anything to you or am only hugging you out of respect or obligation, then DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. It's irritating. I'd also like to point out at this point lest people start worrying about who I'm referring to, this does not apply to my wonderful group of drinking/smoking buddies from Mass Comm or my ex-classmates who I've known since year 1 or my darling boys or the brilliant and totally fun people I love to bits whom I've met from Melbourne. (Point the only male on the Melbourne list is Michael. heh.)

There are a great deal of things that have irritated me huh. But I'll tell you the one at the top of my list. Idiots who whine. Ie, the woe is me group. You're lives aren't as shitty as you think. There are people out there who don't even have a home or food or air cons or clean clothes let alone sanitary drinking water. We have all those things don't we? Stop thinking that it's all that bad. I do understand that you lot are upset, believe me I do. But if you expect me to listen to your every beck and call and get shelved the minute someone else comes along then fuck off. Heck, I'm still going to give you that little bit of courtesy and not mention your name. But don't call, email contact me or even make small talk that neither of us will enjoy. Let's face it, you back stabbed me, bad mouthed me, LIED to me and nearly ripped a good part of my life apart. Why would I even think of you as a good friend? You can take your sorry ass and get the hell away from me. I don't like you. None of us do.

Otherwise, Happy New Year to my friends and family. I love you, I love you and I love you. :)

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

oh contradictions...

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I'm a what??

New Years was ok. I'm broke.
Yes. I managed to spend EVERYTHING. This is not good. Not good at all. MeL upset.