when the world ends, collect your things, you're coming with me

I was trying to clean my room. Note the trying. I ran into a lot of this from way back when. Including this strange little paper lily that he folded for me. I think this is the problem with cleaning. Apart from the fact that i hate the dust and I generally can't be bothered, it makes me remember things I would rather forget. I know it's stupid and I should just get rid of all this junk right? I can't really bare to do it though... I mean I can't throw away my old journals... They're important to me. There are things in my life that I don't care to remember and other things that I never want to forget.

I guess I just don't like the whole sappy emotions thing. It's irritating. Come on, I'm not a sappy person by nature. Whatever man... It's in the past right? I know it was kinda mean for me to do that. But so help me God if I ever see Adrian again... I don't know what I'd do. It was a bloody mistake from the start.

Chinese New Year is coming up in a couple of days. This is a pretty bad time for me to feel like I'm losing grip on things now is it? I don't quite know what I want to do at this point. If anything, I realise there's a part of me that I can't quite show anyone else. I don't think anyone else is ready for it. Only a select few see me for what I really am. And even those I hold close to me are sceptical. It's kinda sad sometimes but for the greater good I just shouldn't talk about it. Lest my having read I, Lucifer comes off as some rubbish about me making a pact with the devil. I mean come on lar... After all the rubbish I've done I wouldn't be surprised if I landed up way down South.

I suppose at this point I just have to be comfy in my own skin. I'll just have to be undeniably me now don't I? I'm back to being the kinda girl that doesn't really give a damn about what other people think. My life is my life and no one else has a say in what I do and how I do it. It's not like I'm killing someone right? So what business is it to them what I do. I've had enough of listening to people who don't know the full situation. I've had enough of giving up on myself before even trying.