idle banter

A few years ago, I had told a friend that doing this would be a HUGE mistake. But here it is. I am not happy. In fact, I am pissed off beyond belief. I am pissed at you and I'm pissed at myself. And usually that doesn't go hand in hand. I hate the fact that you think I'm a simple minded fool who will let you walk all over me. I hate the fact that I allow you to continue believing that I am as such.

It is only for specific people who I care a great deal about that I keep my mouth shut. And it is also for said people that I exude an ample amount of concern. I do not expect it in return but I do expect some semblance of civility (if there's such a word), tact and perhaps intelligence. However, it appears that I have overestimated you in such events.

I would very much like to say that from now on, I will not stand for it. I would like to say shove it in harsher and most definitely more vulgar words. I would very much like for you to open your eyes to see and clean your ears such that you might hear yourself. Because let's be honoest with ourselves. If the world could see you as you are in front of those you hold close to you, do not even in the slightest expect them to show you such care. It is unbelievable that you are capable of hiding that. In fact I must applaud you for the fact that you hide your true self so well.

I am still attempting to convince myself once again that underneath it all, you really don't know the meaning behind your action and in actuality you are as the world sees you. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that I don't. I don't see that at all. I see selfishness, childishness and disregard. I actually had a better statement than just that but fortunately or unfortunately (take it however you like) I don't care to type it out let alone remember it.

Good luck to you. Really. Good luck to you. It'll be a miracle if should you be able to attain the peace you think you deserve seeing as you really did dig your own grave. I will not allow you of all people to blame me for the problems that you have brought upon yourself. Do not for one second think that I blame you for my miscomings whether or not they have been caused by you. In fact, I am willing to take full responsibility for them as I have come to realise that the bane of my existance has only become such because I let them walk all over me. I may be nice in this lifetime but should we meet again, if you really think that you can expect the same courtesy I am giving you now, you are clearly mistaken. Do not expect me to show you mercy when you have shown others none. Do not expect me to bend backwards for you when you lack the mentality to help yourself.

On a slightly more amusing note, I'm fairly surprised that I managed to type all this out while being utterly politically correct.