My God... Now I know what it feels like to be drugged! Hahaha! It's worse than getting drunk but the thing is you don't throw up. Just feel totally drained, insatiably happy and yet you hardly remember a thing when you wake up in the morning. I mean seriously, I don't really remember what happened! All I do know is, I'm uberly confused. And still affected. Yea... almost 48 hours ago and I'm still like this! heh...

Sloshing away to Suzanne Vega singing Caramel.

AIYA.... YOU AR... I GIVE UP LAR... It looks like things are just gonna be blardy complicated for the rest of our queer relationship at which to this day I'm not sure if it ended or not! I can't say I've stopped caring. I really did mean I'm willing to try but ya. Anyways, back to my broke, overworked reality.

I know it's stupid but here it is for kicks. I've reinstalled my guest book heh... And to think I still have a tagboard. What a waste of digital space. I know I should sleep but... I'm not tired. Blah!

I've enabled mycounter as well. For a while I decided to leave it invisible but ya! Just haven't been checking up on it in a while. I'm beginning to think I'm a blog whore hehehe

WHOOOOOAAAAA!!! Spent the whole day doing work!!! :)
Finally, I've finished my paper on porn AND I've done one of the incongruity assignments. I know I've got a bit left on one and it's due tomorrow. But I'm soo tired and I seriously need a break. I've got class at 11 tomorrow. Have to wake up early. Blah....!! Irritating!!

I seriously wish I didn't have to go in tomorrow... But I already missed last week's class so I guess I should go huh. Don't want to flunk out just coz of stupid attendance! Heh! Besides, tomorrow's the day when Geoff is briefing the new and current team on CMS! :D So BOOYA! Coz I SO ROCK! :D

Fine, again with the self praise but anyone who's managed to do as much work as I have in the past couple of days is in serious need of commending! HAH!

Your Boobies' Names Are: Abercrombie & Fitch

Get your own Boobie Names

*GASP* MY BOOBIED ARE BRANDED!!!

Hur!! Just got home. Blog more later... Daddy bought me very yummy fried rice and waited for me to come home :) And mummy also bought me garlic prawn pasta. My favourite!! I lurve yous guys! :D

I wonder why people have to be so false. If you don't like what someone's doing then why bother trying so hard to put up with it especially since it's becoming so unbearable. I guess that's something that I'll never understand... A friend told me that sometimes that's how love works. That people overlook the flaws and just accept you. I mean I can do that. Heck, I have done that. I can. But there's only so much a person can take right?

I hung out at Geoff's the whole of Tuesday. He said that it was effective but not as efficient as before. Well, at least we're both done with part of our assignment. I wonder if we can get some kind of extension. I hope so... But even then, how long are we gonna get. If it's like way out there then we'll land up slacking our guts out. I told him I'd go to service with him on Sunday. I just really need to find myself, and God and everything that I feel I lost.

Make no mistake this isn't anyones fault. It's just something that has been eating at me for awhile. I just completely lost interest in everything I guess? But I'm beginning to love graphic design all over again. :)

I spoke to Luke today as well. It's been awhile. Fine, maybe not that long but longer than usual. These past couple of days have felt like weeks. They pass by so slowly and yet I still haven't finished doing my work. Heh! It's alright I guess. I'll make it through. It's just like you said Geoff, I inch closer to burning out but never quite make it. Which is a good thing. At least I've got you to pull be back to safer ground eh?

I was talking to my brother the other day. About design incidentally. He was saying it'd be cool if I could make one of those little circular key tools that rotated and made noise when you click on it. In fact, I think it's pretty doable too. It's just that I'm too darned tired to do anything. I mean I am physically exhausted but I'm not quite sleepy. I've got class in like 4 hours? and I've not even slept. Not to mention I'm running on... 5 hours of sleep? Been throwing up like mad it keeps me up. I never know when I'm gonna hurl next!

Again, this song, Love is on the Way by Saigon Kick is totally addictive. :) As are most of the songs that Amelia's sent me. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to accumulate 9.65 gig of songs. No wonder my poor PowerBook is slowing down! I've barely got 2 gig of space left! Haha! Time to start exporting and archiving all my anime eh?

Oh, I heard Elmo's rendition of Splish Splash again. I'm gonna use it in one of my projects! :D The song's addictive isn't Luke? As is Scotty Doesn't Know on the soundtrack of EuroTrip which I still haven't watched. Kenny!! Are you gonna pass it to me or what? Haha!

On a totally off topic, it seems like I really am missed from the RPG world. I'm quite amazed that people are happy to see me back. Haha! Or are they just saying that. Guess I'll never know huh. But who cares? I'm having fun aren't I?

Think I better go sleep now. While Finch plays Mad World. (Yes, it's the same one that Tears for Fears did and the same one that Gary Jules covered on the Donnie Darko's ending scene.)

And so the girl smiled and felt needed. Perhaps appreciated. And not so misunderstood after all. :)

Thanks you my loves.

For the record, I'd like to state that the strange tagger on Nas's blog is NOT me. Nas, I know we've had our differences and strange arguemnts that benefited neither of us. But I'm pretty much sick of fighting and I have no reason to fight at all. I'm going out on a limb here but yea. Fighting is insanely draining and having someone else curse and swear at you isn't very comforting either. For what it's worth, it's not me. And I'm sorry you've got someone who clearly has it in for you on your back.

Amelia, that song is gorgeous. :) Thanks for sending it to me man, it brings back soo many memories! :D And Geoff, I'm ok. I really am. I'm sorry for just rattling on and on about shit like that. But it really helped. I still think I brought up some good points though. And I'd still like my tomb stone to say, "Here lies a girl who knew."

And I was right. You flared up because... Well yea. I was right after all. Besides, what's happened has happened. You're still a friend. I know I said some pretty harsh things too. But let's just let bygones be bygones alright? There're some skeletons in my closet too. And some secrets that I will always keep.

Oh oh, btw, can ANYBODY tell me if there's any linkage between Hari Raya and er.. fire? haha! Geoff and I are working on our e-cards!

It's nice to be loved for who I am. Whoever I am at least. It's also nice to know that there really was something.

*sings* You and I, I wouldn't a thing....
And even if there were anything I could change, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm just really tired. Mom, Dad, Mel... I love you. I wish I could do more. But I'm just too tired. Like I haven't got any strength left. Wish someone would just take me away. But I guess it's rude to leave without saying goodbye isn't it? But then again, what's so good about it.

In all honesty, I think we're almost exactly the same. I've probably already said hundreds of times too. Insanely violent, extremely hot headed, with completely no control over ourselves. And should anything happen, silent treatment or yelling to the point of silent treatment. Ridiculous isn't it.

All the same, I'm sick again. Don't know if it's because I feel rotten as it is or if it's because I ate something that really didn't agree with me. Ah well...

I've gone back to writing stories for yahoo groups again. It's something that I started doing when i was... 14? Haha... I made a few really close friends from overseas through these stories. And they're way fun. But at the moment I only write for the Final Fantasy ones. Don't really have interest to write elsewhere. Besides, it's a great way to de-stress.

I went to church yesterday and found that my new parish priest is a bigger nag than the last. I'm not sure how to take it at this point. Let's hope he stops calling us Christ the King. Even though I used to go there.

See, told you that from the start of such a good week, it'd die off to something totally depressing. But ultimately, I guess I have people who still do love me. :) It's nice to be loved.

Haven't smoked in days. Since Friday actually. But yea.. It feels like a long while to me. Heh...

Let's put it this way, I wish I knew what was wrong. I wish I could fix things. But you don't want to so I can't do anything. I wish I could get someone to just erase you from my thoughts but it's near impossible because no matter how much I cut you off, you still keep seeping in. It's not like I don't want to be ok. It's just so mind numbing everytime you pull one of these stupid stunts. God knows if you're out to hurt me or not coz I haven't done anything bad to you. If you insist that I have done shit last year than fine. But then we were ok after that right? Even when I said that it was hard for me to be friends with you, you said it couldn't be that hard and I accepted it and realized that you were right. And you just wrecked it. I don't know what you want from me. As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to fight you anymore. The more you attack me the more the people I love get agitated because they see how hurt I get. This is what happens when people give a shit about you. For fuck's sake. Give it a rest.

wow... I didn't think that I'd come up with a new skin amidst my busy schedule, messed up lifestyle and argument filled life. Heh. I like my new skin better as a wall paper though.

Oh btw, fuck you too. Heh.

I didn't think that after everything, I'd be completely useless. Like they don't even need me to do anything. I guess in a sense it's a good thing yanoe? And I don't have to worry so much about doing stuff anymore. But still... It really doesn't look good does it. It doesn't look good at all. And I'm incredibly annoyed. It's not about who did better anymore. It's more about who made it.

So much for a life less complicated.

Yo Marisa, take care in Brisbane aight? I can't wait to go to Melbourne. Now more than ever.

Listening to: Suteki Dane

You've got a lot of nerve coming and saying that to me. All because you're worried about how your precious secret got out. Boo frickin hoo. Why can't you just grow the hell up? Seriously, if I can put it behind me after ALL the shit that happened that somehow affected me a lot more than it did you, why can't you?

You're the one who wanted to stay friends. And you're also the one who picked this fight. What an amazingly nice person you are. I don't even know why I bother caring. It's just a huge waste of my time isn't it.

Kenny, I really sorry you had to see it happen but yea. Hang in there ok? Don't let them get to you. :)

IM GOING TO UNI!! IM GOING TO UNI!!!! w00t!!!!
Yes, 10 years from now they'll be calling me DOCTOR Melissa-Ann Tan!! :D The excitement that courses in my veins is UNIMAGINABLE! :D

And yesterday was pretty good too! I have to admit that I was pretty skeptical about the whole Valentine's Day thing but all in all, I had LOADS of fun! This is turning out to be one of the best weeks I've EVER had!! :D

As promised, the fuller Valentine's posts. I was asked out by like 4 different people ahaha! And as they all know, I don't like gifts on V. Day coz I think it's over commercialized. It's a feast day for crying out loud. Sure it's become yet another day for those who have significant others to go around and show them off. ;) But all the same, I turned them down to hang out with friends. Rick and Audrey to be precise. And I finally bought Rick that Japanese dinner like I promised.

Well it wasn't the 3 of us. There was a 4th. Yea, we know who it is heh... But all the same, it was ok. I was happy even. Not that it meant anything. But I got to spend time with my close friends. I know it sounds damn pathetic to have gone out with a couple and a friend. Yes, most would think that I was the blardy lamp post in the whole outing but it turns out I wasn't. :)

I initially wasn't gonna go because I didn't want to be the extra person who they asked along out of sympathy. But as it turns out, it wasn't sympathy at all. I totally misread the whole thing. They really did want me to be there. Hey, I even got sponsored a ride home! Dinner at Sakae was not too bad. We had sake too. I swear that thing is really something else. I'm not sure if I like it or not. But it REALLY is something else. Haha. After that we all chilled at Rick's and talked to his mom not to mention watch snippets of Aladdin on the Disney channel. NO IT IS NOT EVIL! DISNEY IS NOT EVIL!!!!! *ahem* But if anyone really wants to know, it was the most fun I've had in a long while. It was really nice to hang out feeling totally relaxed after so long. :) We have to meet up soon ok? Like just slack somewhere and drink tea. Perhaps Spizza eh Rick? ;) I'm still tickled by that strange waitress! Audrey so has to see her! I totally wish she was there with us when we had dinner in Holland last year! It was totally hilarious! Not to mention I stayed out till like 3 in the morning? :P

But it was really nice. It wasn't like anyone wanted to be alone on that day. Guess that's the beauty of having the bestest friends in the world. I really am lucky aren't I. I'm so gonna miss all this when I'm in Melbourne...

Happy Valentines Day to all those who have special people to spend their time with.
Happy Valentines Day to all those who wish they had special people to spend their time with.
But more importantly, Happy Valentines Day to the multitude of people who give more than they can afford. Someone out there appreciates it even if they don't show it.

Also, Happy Valentines to the spiteful. I hope that one day you will be at peace.

Btw, Prozac Nation is thought provoking.

Yesterday was a good day. These days, things just keep getting better. And it's not just for me. Everyone I know is beginning to sort their own little messes up. And it really makes me smile that things are all working out. Despite all the pain and aguish that we've all gone through and all the lies that took place and some that didn't, things are going well. :)

I mean, out of all the things that have happened, we've all been hurt. And it's totally understandable if we sometimes don't choose to trust each other. But the one thing I can count on is knowing that no matter what happens, all of you will be there when it comes to the crunch. The fact that we're all still meeting up and hanging out proves that this is worth working for. Worth saving. I mean, the simplest way out is just walking away from it and shoving it in a corner never to be found again. But... eventually it'll come back to haunt you. Know what I mean?

The brilliant part of everything that I've built is that it's based on an emotional bond and not so much physical. Coz that way, no matter what happens, the bond never goes away. It helps to build up a friendship stronger than anything in the world.

But sometimes you really get to wondering if you'll ever be happy. Or if you'll ever get as much as you put in. That's where the problem is isn't it? Loving people more than they love you. But if I don't love then I am nothing. I think that everyone deserves to be happy. And I guess the idea of being loved more than I love is sweet but unfair. I was there. So my view of it all has swerved. If I don't love with everything I am, I am nothing but a hypocrite who's undeserving of being loved. Sure sometimes people take advantage of it. In fact most of the time they do. And then you land up sinking into insecurity. But I've come to realise that to an extent, you make your own happiness. If you want to sit and mope all day long then nothing's gonna help. You can't have doubt. It sounds self centred but if you don't care about yourself or even trying to make yourself happy, no one else can. But someone out there might open your eyes to reality and help you see how wonderful the world realy is.

And as simplistic as it may sound, I think it my personal goal to make myself happy and in doing so, infecting the people I love with a sense of hope that everything happens for a reason and at some point, we'll all be really happy. It's comforting knowing that someone out there really does care. Whether you hate their guts or not. I don't want to hate or fight anymore. I've had enough of it.

I know I'm still falling. But I'm trying. And I'm looking forward to better days. I love you guys. I'll post up the pics from Marisa's farewell soon.

I have only this to say, I'm glad we're friends. I love that we can talk. I don't want to give it up. It makes me remember the good times.

I'll miss you girl... Take care ok? :)

Went to Jon's then Shawn's. Whee! had loads of fun! Then I went out with Jon to town. We bought like a hundred bucks worth of books EACH!
Bought...
1. this GORGEOUS cover of Prozac Nation by Elizabet Wurtzel
2. The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud
3. Greek Tragedies Volume 1 edited by David Grene and Richmond Lattimore
4. The Arabian Nights

Each of them accurate beyond accurate. :) Jon's got his Man and His Symbols by Jung with me while he took back 2 on Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Oh and I think one more. A Freud I think. Haha... Well, It's back to reality for me as I try and read everything that I just bought and HAVE bough heh...

Everywhere I go, I read things about people and their either extremely happy notions on Valentine's Day or the incredibly cynical ones. It made me wonder what I thought of it. Truth be told, I've never been with someone special to me on Valentines. Sure I've gone out with guys but none of them special enough for me to want to call my own. I don't see why this year will be any different. It was just as well that Rick and Audrey are going to Marche and invited Kenny and Marissa in front of all of us when I cooked dinner for them last week. I'm not sure if he meant it genuinely or to rub it in the rest of our faces because we're either 1. not attached or 2. in denial of being attached. Worst of all, he was there. (Let's call him Jack for simplicities' sake) And I didn't know what to say so I just shut up and ate my food wishing hard that someone or something would happen to take me away from it all. Imagine that, something so innocent could turn into something so incredibly hurtful by your own best friend. At this point I don't really care if people think I'm being over sensitive. He's seemed to think it amusing to poke fun at me and Jack. It's not funny Rick. You and I aren't perfect I know but this has got to stop. It's painful enough as it is. Not to mention the proceedings of that night itself and the strange way things seemed to twist over the next few days that's left me feeling more distraught and more alone that I have ever been.

To top it all off, the day that's supposed to symbolize luck has turned into the day of most misfortune. My brother's in hospital. I just really need someone now.

Sigh... what a terribly terrible day. My dad just left to send my brother to the hospital. Need I say more? We don't rightly know exactly what's wrong with him. I blame the whole trying to stop smoking thing. I mean it's not the act of trying to stop. It's the method. I'm pissed off. And now I don't know what's going to happen to him. And I'm supposed to put on a bloody happy face while all this happens. While I go visiting and answering my relatives by saying Mel and Addie aren't well. While I get emails and calls and messages from the online journ reporters telling me that they need their stuff uploaded. Everyone waits for the holidays to send in their things. How nice it must be. To be them.

I watched Constantine last night. Thank you so much for buying me tickets and stealing me from my home at 11:45pm, you rock! I love you man. Always have!!

And as for you, I wish you'd stop haunting my dreams. It's not helping at all... Especially with this season. Please take care of yourself. Maybe it would be better if... no... I won't say it.

Happy CNY guys. We go shop after all this aight?

Why in God's name do I keep getting blamed for every single bloody thing that goes on? Why is it that I keep getting the shorter end of the rope? You don't get it? Well that's because I can't really say anything now can I?

I'm beginning to really hate the way I live at this point. I can't concentrate on work and the usual dose of Sex and the City didn't help. It only made me wonder if the lifestyle of Manhattaners equates to loads of dating and loads of sex. Seriously.

You know what? perhaps he/she doesn't know what he/she wants and therefore does all these things inadvertently. Or maybe you're just fucking clueless. But aren't we all. I know you know I know.

Anyways, thank you Eliza, it was nice talking for like 3 hours? plus? or 2? I lost count. But yea, it was relieving talking to you. :)

Seems my own arrogance has knocked me off my feet again
When you know I'm crawling to you as fast as I can
First teach me to walk
Then I'll learn to dance for you
Like an honest clumsy clown
Tripping along the way
Cause I am reaching for you
But my arms are long enough
And I am running for you
If I could go a little faster
And I am crying to you
But I can't hear my own voice
I am waiting for you
And trying not to fall asleep now
And I am clumsily dancing away this fear
I am stumbling closer to you and I am
Tumbling over my pride
I will be a fool for you
What are you thinking as you look down on me
Are you frustrated with my inconsistency
Or intrigued that I can find the will to get back up or
Maybe all of this is simply amusing
Cause I am reaching for you
But my arms are long enough
And I am running for you
If I could go a little faster
And I am crying to you
But I can't hear my own voice
I am waiting for you
And trying not to fall asleep now
And I am clumsily dancing away this fear
I am stumbling closer to you and I'm
Tumbling over my pride
I will be a fool for you
And I am clumsily dancing away this fear
I am stumbling closer to you and I'm
Tumbling over my pride
I will be a fool for you

Fool, Lifehouse

Love is a strange thing. Quite over rated and yet just ok too. :S what am I talking about?!

To even have had you there is killing me. To even know how close you are is murderous. And to think of all the things you've done and are doing, I mourn. You are hopeless. And I tell you karma is gonna come and bite you in the ass one day.

As far as I'm concerned, I went in with a CLEAN slate. CLEAR conscience. I did nothing wrong. I can't even bring myself to hate you coz I fucking care too damned much. Sigh... who the fuck cares these days besides me...

She died inside. She along with what's left of her grace. When did I lose all that I am. All that I could be. It's nothing but an echo of a lost dream, crudely torn away by the notion of the heart. A scarily deadly one. And now more than ever, I wish I were in Melbourne, away from this entire mess.

PARENTAL

ADVISORY

PSYCHOTIC ROCK STAR CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

No bad! Accurate!! Hahahaha!

Sometimes you just totally hate the truth don’t you. Jon, I had loads of fun hanging out with you today. In fact I have bits and pieces to say to quite a few people.

Drey: Girl, thank you. Really, thank you for listening to my mindless bantering. I’m happy that Rick introduced us.

Rick: d00de, a lot of shit’s happened and I don’t know what we are now but yea… I still care a lot about you even though you can be one of the most irritating big brothers I have. ☺ But that’s what big brothers are supposed to be to their kid sisters isn’t it?

Kenny: You’re boundless jokes tickle me to the bone. Hanging out with you equates to me never having to be sad ever again. I love you for it. I know things are hard now but hey, we’re all here for you ok? Besides, I will make you my number one student! Better than me even!! ☺

Luke: Luke Luke Luke… You’re the one who sees right through me. Who knows when I’m up to something stupid. And also one of the very minute few who have the balls to tell me to my face that I’m a fuckin’ idiot. ☺ Sitting and talking to you always helps me out coz at least you’re completely straight with me and you know when I really need help.

Jon: Kat Jon!!! ☺ Talking about philosophy, religion, relationships, books, wiccan and just about everything and anything under the sun is like a ritual. One that is never forced. The only time it’s forced it’s when it’s time to stop coz it’s late or we have class or we’re out of smokes (again). Thank you for listening. Thank you for understanding. I lurve you d00de!!

Geoff: MY BITCH!! MY SLAVE!!! MY VIRGIN-SLAVE-SLUT-WHORE!!! Omg… tomorrow’s presentation is gonna be quite sad lor… I still haven’t done my part yet!! I was talking about well.. You know hahaha! You have been the ultimate. Really. It is through you that my ass has been saved countless times. I’m sorry I don’t listen and I’m sorry I have huge tendancy to conk out in class and stuff etc. But you still lurve me and I still lurve you! So it’s all good. Happy 2 years in advanced! No I won’t forget… :P

Cia: Hang in there girl. You were there for me the whole way. And now I want you to know if you need anything from me at all, you just have to ask. I got your back.

To my NEW partner in crime who since I shouldn’t mention here shall call erm… Bob! Yes, Bob: Well, there’re things that have to be done I guess. Things have been quite interesting as of late what with all this addition of work and all. But hey, I’ll get through it, you’ll get through it. This is supposed to be the best years of our lives. Let’s live it to the max!

Jed: I know you know I know you know what I have to say to you. Heh

And you. Yes you. You know who you are. I have something to say to you too. I just wish you knew.

Hahahaha! I’m quite tired not and if I don’t get my presentation together, Geoff is gonna KEEEEL me. Then I die lor…. Hehehehe! Have fun at happy you guys!

Karma Karma Karma Karma COMA! Too much Massive Attack.... Ok ok ok! Must go work now!!

I LURVE YOUS LOADS!

I hate it when ex's come back into the picture. Even more irritating are girls who throw themselves all over your oyfriend [and even degrade their already worthless value] to try and break you guys up so she can have him.

Sound familiar guys? I wish people'd take their own advice. Might do them good. Might make them normal? Nah... Somethings can't be helped

KANI NA BEI CHAO FUCKING CHEEEE BYE!!!!!!!!

This is fucking ridiculous lor! The minute I actually find someone else I can trust UW to, I realize that she’s in year fucking 1. I’m gonna have to beg borrow and steal to help this one out. And an even bigger problem is I don’t even have the girl’s number let alone email address! Argh!!!

Ok wait. Just got it. Or at least I got someone to go get it for me. Ahaha. The email’s been sent now all I do is wait. *Breathes*

You know what, privacy on the net is like uberly over rated. It’s non fucking existent. Lemme put it this way, I can’t even blog properly coz I promise people not to talk about them on THIS url. So I might as well shift right… But even if I do that, it’s still damn fucking easy to locate me again right… Again lar, I saw things I shouldn’t have. Heh…

And as for you, you blind, ignorant little leech, you drip of complete hypocrisy and sarcasm that I’m not sure if you should be given a bloody Guinness. You aren’t sorry, so don’t go around saying it. And for fuck’s sake, don’t plagiarize will you?

And how are you oh wonderful American idealist? Pfft…

Random thought: How can you miss, love and yet hate a person? I don't know how I do it but yea. I know someone who I've been dying to just sit and talk to without having to worry. I love this person to bits. But at the same time, I wish this person never existed. I just wish things were simple again. No more being vague. I want to be ok. Don't you?

I really pity you... Really... You're so unbelievably blind to all the stuff that's happening around you. Do you even care? Sigh...

Anyways, had a bunch of friends over earlier. about 9 of us. I cooked dinner :D And get this, there is nothing left. Hahaha! It was great being able to hang out with all of you after so long. Sure there were a couple of not so expected guests but I'm glad you came. I'm glad to have finally been able to meet you after having heard so much about you. :) In all honesty, I hope you make it big.

On another note, let's just say that sometimes, shit really happens. And when shit happens, I get pissed, irritated etc. You pissed me off. Again. I don't understand how you did it but you did. I give up. Do what you want. Please, don't drag me in anymore. I'm broken enough without you coming in and wrecking havoc.

There's not such thing as this. This is all a facade. It's one big lie. I'm through trying to believe something that isn't real.

But imagine this my whole world is different now. I really don't know what to do. I've tried to believe for so long. It wasn't easy. But initially, it was perfect. I loved those days. I look forward and hope that I'd be able to experience that again.

A part of me doesn't want to stop trying. Whether it hurts or not, I still want to find that happiness. With or without you, I'm trying. And I guess I might've been doing things the wrong way. I guess I might've screwed things up.

I'm sorry. I didn't see it. But it's a bit too late now. I hope you can forgive me for all those stupid things. I don't want to hide from you anymore. No, I'm not ok. But I'm trying my best to be ok again. Please be there for me.

As much as I say I hate you, I don't. I can't. I never could. It'll just be like hating Adam. And that is something I can never do. I care.

Any thing's possible with faith, hope and pixie dust isn't it?

In 1985 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US Live Aid, a 17 hour rock concert broadcasts worldwide from London and Philadelphia, raising $70 million for starving Africans An 8.1 magnitude earthquake hits Mexico City and results in about 25,000 deaths Vocano "Nevada del Ruiz" erupts near Bogota, Columbia causing mud slides that bury two towns American Jew Jonathan Pollard is arrested for giving military secrets to Israel Mikhail Gorbachev becomes Soviet leader New Coke is released on the 99th anniversary of Coca-Cola The GNU Manifesto first written by Richard Stallman Kansas City Royals win the World series San Francisco 49ers win Superbowl XIX Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup Back to the Future is the top grossing film Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis is published David Lee Roth leaves Van Halen to begin a solo career "Careless Whisper" by Wham! spends the most time at the top of the US charts Elmo is introduced on Sesame Street The Golden Girls and Growing Pains premiere

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Wow. Elmo eh?

How in the world you managed to make me smile and then make me want to kill you at the smae time. Sigh... I wonder why this always happens. I give up. Seriously, I give up. Do whatever you want. I want no part in this. You never cease to amaze me though. Sigh...

Anyways, I've been doing Flash all bloody day. Suzie is a bitch. I swear. I really can't stand her now. Sigh...
So yea, I've figured that I'll do the simplest thing possible and when I have time, then I'll tweak it. Heh. This is what happens when people run on a super tight deadline. But then again, I was procrastinating wasn't I.

Something tells me that I'm forgetting something very very crucial. Only problem is I can't remember what. Hmm...

Whatever...

Point #1
When I say no, I FUCKING MEAN NO!! Honestly, it's not like you idiots don't understand.

Point #2
How do you tell someone to FUCK OFF. Sure people get pissed too. But how do you tell someone to shut up when you really don't want to hear them babbling about their shit when you're already too pissed off?! It's fucking annoying!! I don't talk to people to hear them bitch about what idiots the world is to them etc.

Point #3
One of these days I am gonna just walk out on you.

Seriously, I begin to wonder if I can place an ad in the papers for a murderer to KILL ME. Or at least maybe an animator who'd be able to help me with my stupid project. I'm this close to killing myself and possibly poor Thess who really can't help it.

Suzie, you are such a biatch! You and your stupid fish and your stupid blue hair!! ARgh!!!!

Geoff.... help me please?

Today was ok I guess. Journ camp... I was hoping very terribly that we would be able to find someone to take over our baby. I did see a couple of really good ones. But none as compared to Geoff. Which in a sense is quite disappointing. But, it wasn't too bad I guess? I did see some with great potential. But it's gonna be a lot of hard work for all of us. Geoff and I are gonna go see Shan to talk about stuff too...

I was blog hopping again. Read something off someone's blog that brought back a lot of memories, mostly painful but some really happy ones. Saddening, depressing, purely upsetting. For anonymity's sake and for the sole reason this person is close to a good friend of mine, I will not quote or even mention the URL. But I do feel for her.

For all of you who know who I'm talking about, it hurts like mad to have gone through something like that. To give so much for empty dreams, for nothing but one big fat lie. I doubt any of you know what I'm talking about.

I just realized that other stuff I read elsewhere wasn't what I thought it was. That's the thing about blogs isn't it? Completely vague. i don't know... I really don't know. It's gotten to me.

All these things just make me want to disappear coz they make a person feel like nobody in the world gives a shit and that you're not worth anyone's while. And to top it all off, I've been fighting with a really close friend of mine. I wish I didn't have to fight you. I love you like I love my own brother. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to fight anyone anymore. It's just plain ridiculous. I don't even know why we're like this now. I don't know why we can't just be like how we used to be. Can't we stop? Please?

"What's this?
Have my senses gone amiss?
The devil in "Holy Water"
In a state of angelic bliss!

If this heavenly brew
Can make an angel of you
Then move over, Rover,
I'm diving in too!"

I got that off the bottle of this golden ale called L'Eau Benite, a Canadian brewed beer that was given to me by one of the best guys a girl could ever wish for. I love you man!! You rock! :D