Someone wake me up. I'm dying and for once, I think I may just like it. I can't explain it. I feel so... Strained. Emotionally and physically emptied with just a shred of hope for it to replenish.

Please be good. Please let things work out. Please. I don't want to have to feel like this anymore. I don't want to have to sit and feel like I've been stabbed. I don't want to sit and cry alone anymore. In fact, I don't want to sit and cry even if sometimes crying helps.

Is my blatant avoidance of confrontation making me weak? Am I weak because I choose not to fight back? Is that the reason why people walk all over me? Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. Don't you realise that in doing so I deny myself the happiness that I need?

I find myself in disbelief over how angsty I was and still am. I would've thought I'd have grown out of that phase by now. Perhaps I'm just like that? Hmmm... You know, someone once asked me what I was like when I was in a relationship. I have an answer. To the written world, I sounded like a love struck idiot. To my friends, I was blinded. But when it was just us, I was myself. More myself than I could ever have been. But just like I was asking Tina today, what is it with people (in the groups) and pairing? Is it totally necessary? Is a person's story purely based on who they're with? I think... not. It's sad that some people feel that the only way to validate their lives is to latch on to someone. Anyone. Be it a friend or a lover. I just think it's plain sad. Don't we all have our own lives to govern? Even married couples. It's us this and us that. What about the individual?

Btw, anyone read the article about women with majority male friends? The one with the report given and all? Let me know what that was all about ya? Jon said it's either in FHM or Cosmo. Or one of those types la

to random strangers, to people i love, to people that don't love me. to people I care about and people that don't care. To the people I talk to, to the people I don't even look at. To the random stranger on the street and whoever else who cares enough to read this, here is what I have to say.

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough". The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone".

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.


--

you don't stop caring about people even if you don't like them. you don't stop thinking about them even if you aren't talking. So that more or less sums up all I have to say to the people in and out of my life.

flooble said that I am Not Gay (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Take the flooble Gay Quiz

You'll never guess where I got the link from. And you shouldn't try either. Coz I won't tell. Hehe.

Yea yea whatever, I better go do work before I get murdered... :P

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alt="Minx Exchanging Lustful Indulgence and Sensual, Slow Affection"
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I keep seeing people that aren't really there. I keep hearing things that aren't really said. I don't want to be like that. I want to live in the now. But this is what it really is. This is reality. I can't change it. Seriously. My reality has been warped. Changed. I don't quite like it anymore and yet at the same time I accept things the way they are.

Maybe this is just the way things have to be for a whle. Ups and downs. Don't ask me to explain my sudden change. It's not something you should ask of me. Don't wonder why I've become the person I am now. Don't ask what happened to the girl you loveD. I don't ask you these things do I? I don't. I don't pry, I don't press for details. But that's just me. I've come to a point where I believe that somethings aren't worth the trouble of digging about. You may or may not like what you find. And the plain and simple truth is, not everything is about you. A person is never ALWAYS in the spot light and they shoul nont expect to be.

I miss you guys very much. And I wish everything is safe.

I wish you enough.

'elo! Well, Easter Break is over. Sadly. And I've still complete a single one of the three assignments that I have coming up. Sad isn't it. Oh well.... Anyways, Jon came over last night and we talked and watched videos till er... 5? 5-something? I think? Haha! Either way, it was loads of fun. (As usual.)

Let's see. The count down is now.... 5 DAYS!!!!!!!!!! w00t!!

Oh and to everyone, who thinks life has thrown them a viciously unfair curve ball for whatever reasons, I leave you with the following that I lifted off WahPah/

"Maybe...we meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe...when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of
everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their
way.

Maybe...the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe...you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.

Maybe...there are moments in life when you miss someone -- an x girl friend or x boy friend, a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Maybe...the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe...you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe...you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe...giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe...happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe...you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; Don't go for
wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe...you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

And the last maybe.....when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Maybe...you should try to live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying."

sanity compromised.

You leave a trail behind you wherever you go
It can't be seen and it can't be erased
A memory of distant times and lost thoughts
Of scattered dreams and shattered hopes

There my attempts at writing something that makes some kind of sense. I'm tied. Exhausted. A little disoriented with myself at the moment. Contented and discontented at the same time. Muddled if anything. I'll feel better when he returns. Some have that calming effect on me. Keeps me going when all else is failing.

i tried writing my paper again today. I have to clock in about 500-600 more words. Then I can start editing it and make it make some semblance of sense. I sent it to my mother who decided that it needed grammatical intervention. Sure I had a few typing errors here and there but I think I got a little miffed when she tried to change my writing style because she had to read this one particular bit a few times before grasping what I was trying to put across. Strange. I have never had someone say that about my essays/articles/whatever before.

I'm flawed. I know I am. I welcome the fact that I am. I don't want to be perfect for anyone. I just want to be perfectly me. And I think I'm very capable of that. But why then do I still feeling that aching emptiness. It usually blows over after a while. My body feels like it's burning out. Perhaps it's got something to do with the way I'm living my life right now. I'm loafing around so much that I'm afraid I'll get used to it.

I am angry. At myself. For not being able to be me. I'm still hiding behind a mask, problems, sugar coating stupid things and making them seem ok again when they really aren't. But it's just my way of trying to make them ok. It takes a lot of time and energy out of me.

Anyways, welcome back home Alex. I wish I were home too. It's my fault for sending away the one thing that has kept me grounded. I've grown too dependent. I need to learn to live without depending on other people. Sure the happiness of my loved ones matter a lot to me. But... I've let it come to a point where it's taking over my conscious. I love you. I really do. And I miss you so much it hurts. It's only been a while too.

Random thought. What do you do when you know you've been royally screwed? When you know that things are only the way they are because it makes someone else's life easier and yours a living hell? What happens when you have no choice in the matter?

My life is not a living hell by the way. In fact, it's better than it has ever been in all my years. Today and the last 2-3 hours of yesterday to be exact, were moments when I realised that everything is just as it should be. Things are really beginning to look up for me. I'm glad.

I've done quite a bit today haven't I boys? I'm tired. Not drained of energy. It's in abundance. But there's only so much the body can take even if the spirit is limitless. Besides, I can't possibly take advantage of that now can I? At some point I am going to burn out if I do. But I can think of the perfect opportunity to really dig into that reserve. I found something that I love. A celtic cross. But I shan't buy it just yet. It's affordable. But I'm trying to save money aren't I? Besides, my mom bought me another cross. She bought me tonnes of things. Half of which I don't even know are there. In a week's time eh? I'll get my stuff in a week's time.

To those I've spoken to today, I meant every single word I said. I am not about to let people take over my life. As much as they'd like to meddle they are incapable of disrupting the nice little regime I've built for myself. But that's the serious bits. The most important are these, thank you. For everything. All... er.... 9 of you. It's nice to know you're still there.

If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times. You cannot treat me like this because I'm so far away. I have a right to know don't I? I suppose I can understand why you didn't want to tell me. And I'm sorry to have added on to your stress. I know things will be fine. I cry because I know they will be. But it's going to take a while. A long while. My respect for her has really gone up you know. She loves him so much that no matter what happens, she still hanging in there. I'm not sure if it's something that I would be able to do.

However, I am disappointed. Deeply disappointed. And worried as well. I don't know what else to do. I told myself no more didn't I? I said not a single one. Not this whole year. I refuse to resort to it. I'm trying very hard. Can't you feel it? Don't you hear me scream anymore? You used to. I miss you. I love you. I wish I could talk to you but right now, I have nothing to say. And that scares me.

Yesterday, I was lucky. There really must be someone looking out for me. That or intuition is on my side. I was tired as hell. Lack of sleep does that to a person. So I lay in bed with my laptop. Out of no where I hear a huge thump from up stairs. I didn't think it was anything but the next thing I knew, my light fell. It dropped and broke to pieces. And I just sat there for a while and thought to myself. It was a good thing that I hadn't been sitting by the table like I usually do.

So I went up there not really pissed off yet. But just to tell these people what happened. And this New Yorker, Anna, comes and says with a huge grin on her face, "oh wow, so now we're keeping you up huh!" Until I tell her what happened. Even then she was like, I did that? Her friends pointed out that she was jumping and doing God knows what. She said sorry but it wasn't genuine. She made some other comment about it and then I got pissed off. If Madhavi and Jada weren't there I really don't know what I would have done. I told her that thing would have fucking crashed on my head. I happen to sit exactly where the damned thing dropped. She gets a little worried. She doesn't want to fight. But whatever. Seriously. What fucking ever.

Two days in a row. I'm just WAITING to see which idiot decides to piss me off now. It's become even more dangerous for me to stay in doors now hasn't it? It's either I stay inside and have something crash on my head or going out and having someone shoot me. Which oh which should I choose?

In all honesty, I'm thankful that no one got hurt and nothing besides that infernal ceiling light was damaged. But it doesn't matter. I don't use that light anyway. I begin to re-evaluate my opinion of this place. I begin to hate it more. I mean come on, you pay shit loads of cash to come here to study. You pay through your ass for mediocre accommodations. Really. Where is the good in that? Will someone please tell me, what is it that I do in Australia that I don't do in Singapore? I stay out later when I'm home. I smoke when I want, drink when I want. There's nothing here that I can't have at home. Nothing better either. The one thing about home that I miss apart from the safety, are the people I love. I miss you all.

Shit happens. And sometimes you can't do anything about it. I suppose it's better to know than not to know wouldn't you say? I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I will find something to say to you one day. I will. You'll see. I love you too much to give up on you. And let's face it, all these years, I never have. Although I was the only idiot so blinded that I refuse to believe what people were saying and what really was happening. I don't want to be blind to you. I don't want to have you lie and hide these things from me. They are important to me because you are important to me.

"I, cry, when angels deserve to die, die"
- Chop Suey, System of a Down

I can't have a jack and coke without thinking about you. I remember that we always drank it together. It's not that I don't care because I do. I care too much. And that is never good.

I have made so many decisions. And I suppose, no matter what, I am going to stick by them. No matter what. Should circumstance change and it calls for a change of heart within myself than so be it. But I will say this. It'll be one hell of a big change before anyone can make me change my mind about anything at this point. Oh. Happy Easter.

I don't think I'll be going to tomorrow.

"I don't know much
But I know I love you...
And that may be
All I need to know"

I'm proud of my psych assignment! I edited it some more and I handed it in this morning before I went to Chadstone. Walking around just taking my own sweet time and relaxing. Much fun. I bought a few things for myself and I bought things for Adam. But the highlight of my trip was: V for Vendetta. I grow addicted to watching movies again. I remember watching Doom with Luke. It had been a draught of actual in theatre watching. After that happened, I suddenly became obsessed with going to the cinema. And now I think it's having the same effect on me. Going to the movies is about you and the film. No one else matters. Unless of course you've got irritants that won't stop making stupid comments or kicking the back of your chair. Well, I had no irritations while I was out. :) Perhaps I really should do this more often.

I was tempted to buy the 1001 movies/books you must read before you die. I wonder how many I've already gone through. Needless to say I was distracted by a vast array of other things while I was in Borders.

Oh, I'm also on the look out for Thomas figures for Adam. But they've got to be the take-a-long ones. I have no interest in the other wooden ones. Sure they're bigger, but not as durable I think. Cast iron does have it's perks does it not?

Let's see... I suppose now that I've recharged sufficiently, I can go back to rewriting the information that I lost in that unfortunate folder corruption episode eh? It can't have been a virus right? But perhaps just in case, I shall run a system check. Tootles!

iggy iggy iggums :)

my folder died. my assignment folder. i'm relatively calm considering that the assignments that were in there were the ones that aren't due for at least 2-3 weeks. my fingers are numb from trying to calm myself down. i mean come on... it took me ages to gather my thoughts to write it all out. trust me to keep my notes in the same folder eh? i suppose technology isn't that reliable after all. irritating...

So, in an effort to channel my energy else where but within topic, I shall talk about Tim Burton. Now all those who know me know that my love for his work is infinite. Even though I've only watched 10 of the 21 films listed in imdb. Each has it's own dark and twisted setting that always strikes a chord in my mind. I must say that the Corpse Bride was still the disappointing one. I love the way it was done but the story line is warped. BUT if you take it in context of the era then perhaps it's not so farfetched. It still doesn't sit right with me that a person can just marry another without any real love.

It's Iggy's birthday today. Happy 1st Birthday darling. I miss you and your brothers loads. And I wish that I could have been there. But I won't miss the rest of you growing up I hope. Talking about Iggy makes me think of Adam. The love of my life. And as much as he annoys me now and then, I love him all the same. And he loves me too :)

drifting

I was talking to Saf earlier. Refreshing I must say. I find it sweet that he has such faith in me. On his advice, I've sent my application. We'll just have to see how that goes. I don't know if I really want to go. It's a lot to consider isn't it? Just too many things to consider. But after talking to my mom, she says only one thing matters. My happiness. So that is that!

Well, it's late and I'm tired. I'm off to go watch something and try to sleep. Gnite pets!

It's been a good day. A nice quiet day. Just the way I like it. I played ffx-2 and I got the stupid dress sphere (mascot) that I've been itching to get. It's not over rated after all. I've also got 100% story completion. All I have left to do now is clear one dungeon and move on to beat the final boss (for the hundredth time)

My mom says I shouldn't blog anymore. Why should I? She says it's because people read it and misunderstand what I'm writing about. I understand where she's coming from. She only wants to protect me. But I'll still blog. I just won't when I'm angry. But let's put it this way, I'm not an angry person anymore. Emotional, yes. But not angry. I have nothing to be angry about. Or maybe I do. People only get angry when they've either wronged someone or have been hurt. I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that I've not done anything wrong nor have I been hurt.

Sometimes people say and do hurtful things. But more often than not, when you dig out the real reason behind it, you'll realise that there's a strange logic behind it. I'm not about to run around looking for the answers. I have them already. I'm just sorry if the rest of the world doesn't see things that way. It's a simple life isn't it? The way my brother said to me a long time ago. He and I share this same simple logic. You don't have to talk to or even look at the people you don't like. They can try their hardest to get to you but you just don't have to give them the chance to. Of course we all have our own way of dealing with things. But for now, I'm pretty happy with the way I'm dealing with it.

19 days. Just 19 days my loves. And then for a little while longer, I will be happy. I will be at peace. But from now till then, I have one thing on my mind. What on earth am I going to get Jada for her birthday?!

I was reading her blog the other day. I'm happy that she's got a path laid out in front of her. At least she knows what she wants and how to get it. iHouse will always be iHouse. And perhaps one day I too will grow sick and tired of it. But for now, I think this place is actually good for me. I think I'll stick with it for the rest of the year at least. And when that's done with, we shall see where life takes me. This is my life is it not? And I shall choose to live it as I see fit.

just 20 days. It's not that far off now is it? Just a little under 3 weeks. I can wait that long can't I? I wish all of them would be here. Even if it's just for a little while. If only. I suppose I shouldn't wish for the impossible.

It's going to be a very interesting 3 weeks. I can guarantee all of you that.

Ah... to call or not to call... That is the question.

It's been a long long month. And it's only the 4th! So now what's going to happen. Honestly. I suppose things can only get better? I don't want to jinx it. I've got quite a bit on my plate at the moment but I will say this. No more tears. None. I refuse to let things get to me. I refuse to crumble.

Life has chosen to deal me the same old cards over and over again. I can't quite say I'm complaining though. My eyes are opening to things that I never noticed before. It's quite a picture I'll tell you that. It's beautiful and cruel. But that's the way things have and will always be.

I think I'm beginning to understand how living and surviving in Uni works. At least in Australia. In fact it's not just limited to Australia or Uni. But let's not get into that. Life likes throwing you a curve ball. It brings together people from completely different walks of life. They enter your life and become one with yours only to have to leave it. I've gotten so used to people carving a life for themselves within mine that sometimes I can't bare to see them just waltz right out of it. It's not like I have a choice in the matter don't you think?

It's times like these that I feel old, stretched and all that. Nothing more can happen that's going to surprise me anymore. The feeling is called jaded. It's a pity that at 20 I already am. These are supposed to be the best times of a persons life. So said my brother to me a long long time ago. Maybe he's right, maybe he isn't. He may not have lived the best life and he may have made his own fair share of mistakes. But... I think he got it right somewhere along the way before a curve ball hit him. I miss him terribly. I do.

I was woken up today by a phone call and I must say I was relieved. I had been having a very weird dream about well... I rather not mention it. It's just one of those things that I'd rather forget. As well as the people who were in it. Well, I can't and won't forget them. Besides, a dream is just a dream is it not? A dream is just a dream. Besides, I was so tired that I fell asleep watching Ocean's 12. What else is new pets? I've been so drained I can even fall asleep while watching Bleach. Nothing new. Nothing new at all.

And that sums up everything that's been happening this sem. Nothing new. Nothing new at all.

"Never trust a demon. He has a hundred motives for anything he does... Ninety-nine of them, at least, are malevolent."
as said Dream through Neil Gaiman in SANDMAN #4: "A Hope in Hell"

Amusing isn't it? We're children of God, spawned in his image, brought to life by breathe and taken just as easily. But, we must always remember, we are also damned by demons. And in an essence, we all contain a demon within. It's just a matter of how we contain it. Sometimes the demon is begging to be released. And sometimes, it should. I think that it makes us stronger sometimes. It's like a defence mechanism. To allow it to surface.

We can never truly be ourselves until the day that we allow the duality in all of us to become one. Life is always a balance. And just as we let others come into our lives, we enter theirs. And as a result we fuck each other up. It's just how things are. You'd be lying to say that someone you met even for a few seconds hasn't affected you.

I understand these now. I understand that I cannot allow people to do things to me that I do not wish or care for. It is the minute you start caring too much that it suffocates you. The dreams of others manifested in yourself.

I still don't quite know what to do or where to go from here. But I'm not going to let it go. I'm not going to give it up. I can't. It's just not in me. I know that some of you think I give up on things to easily. But... I don't think so anymore. I don't. I won't. Convinced yet? I don't need to convince anyone of my motives. My reasons are my own and no one else needs to know them but me and God. And if you really love me, then you'd know them without my having to say anything.

It's just like me to realise things too late. I should have applied sooner. I should have figured it out. I should have fucking known. I want so badly to do this now. This life style is so not working out for me. But I think that the only reason why I'm feeling this way is... well... I don't think I have to come out and say it right now do I? So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to work my ass off. I'm going to do the best I can. And keep applying.

At this point, I realise how much I care. And how much I would rather be there than here. And if all works out, I'll be home soon.

I'm in the sky tonight
There I can keep by your side
Watching the wide world riot and hiding out
I'll be coming home next year
Into the sun we climb
Climbing our wings will burn white
Everyone strapped in tight
We'll ride it out
I'll be coming home next year

- Next Year - The Foo Fighters.

I just hate it here. I want to go home. I never want to have to come back here. EVER.

the girl and the gods

It is the least you could have done. I trusted you. This is MY life we're talking about here. I'm not some object that's without feeling or emotion. And if you think this is what you should do than so be it. Don't say a word to me anymore. I give up. I have tried so hard. So just go ahead. Go ahead and just do whatever you want. Because I have come to a point were I don't want to care any more. I just don't want to butt in when clearly I'm not wanted. Heck, I'm not even going to say anything more to you. I hope you know what you're doing. All of you. Do you really think I'm that stupid? All I wanted was to be happy and even that tiny shred of bliss, you want to take? Honestly, there is only so much a person can take. Why. That's all I want to know. I have not done ANYTHING that warrants this. I know that you're an important part of my life and my typing all this out and saying things is enough. I know you hear me cry. Just think about it, is this doing anyone else good? They love me and I love them. It's beautiful that way. I don't need to know everything nor do I want to. I just wish... I just wish you knew. Or you could tell me.

Perhaps in the aspiration to live my own life, I've lost sight of myself. And I know I said that I keep looking at myself in the mirror and still not be able to recognise the girl that's staring back at me. Only now do I realise I don't recognise her because I've been seeing myself in the eyes of others who seemingly would love nothing more than to see me fall. Well, I've got news for you, it's me. It's just me. I'm not that big of a threat. I'm not a threat at all. I'd love to believe that maybe a small fragment of myself is understood by those I call friend. But if even you can't see that than what? I thought you were there for me. Well it seems that I thought wrong. Not once have I said anything against you. And I know that this is a huge disrespect but guess what, I am not afraid of you. You cannot hurt me. You cannot keep doing these things to me. And for fuck's sakes, you CANNOT take the people I love away from me so just stop trying because it's pointless and most of all, annoying.

In my dream, I made friends with a Singaporean gang leader who had gone to Melbourne to study. HE lived in iHouse. It was a good dream. I found the bit where the mailboxes were blown up funny. Imagine blowing up mail boxes to get the pack of cigarettes inside. Of all things. I mean, wouldn't the pack have been totalled in the explosion? Huh? Huh? Huh? :P

The pai kia and I took long and short drives to no where. Just talking, talking and talking. I kind of miss that. Just talking about everything.

I miss my boys. God knows that I do. I wish they were here with me now. But thankfully, I've got the girls here don't I? :) I'm tired beyond reason though. Think I'm going to lie down for a while.

Talk about a messy night. I feel like hell right now. No, I didn't throw up, no, I don't have a headache. My gut is feeling it though. I don't know what exactly is wrong at this point. I realised I made a very big mistake. One of gargantuan proportions. See, I feel stronger but more easily exhausted. I have decided to do things for the sake of others and now I can't anymore. I can't do it anymore. And I may have realised too late. But somehow, I'm not giving up. I can't quite give up. It's not in me to give up. I just never want to see this person again. If I do, I will get even more angry than I am now. Do you think i don't remember? Do you? Do you think I've forgotten everything? Well, no I haven't. For fuck's sakes, I haven't forgotten anything.