If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times. You cannot treat me like this because I'm so far away. I have a right to know don't I? I suppose I can understand why you didn't want to tell me. And I'm sorry to have added on to your stress. I know things will be fine. I cry because I know they will be. But it's going to take a while. A long while. My respect for her has really gone up you know. She loves him so much that no matter what happens, she still hanging in there. I'm not sure if it's something that I would be able to do.

However, I am disappointed. Deeply disappointed. And worried as well. I don't know what else to do. I told myself no more didn't I? I said not a single one. Not this whole year. I refuse to resort to it. I'm trying very hard. Can't you feel it? Don't you hear me scream anymore? You used to. I miss you. I love you. I wish I could talk to you but right now, I have nothing to say. And that scares me.

Yesterday, I was lucky. There really must be someone looking out for me. That or intuition is on my side. I was tired as hell. Lack of sleep does that to a person. So I lay in bed with my laptop. Out of no where I hear a huge thump from up stairs. I didn't think it was anything but the next thing I knew, my light fell. It dropped and broke to pieces. And I just sat there for a while and thought to myself. It was a good thing that I hadn't been sitting by the table like I usually do.

So I went up there not really pissed off yet. But just to tell these people what happened. And this New Yorker, Anna, comes and says with a huge grin on her face, "oh wow, so now we're keeping you up huh!" Until I tell her what happened. Even then she was like, I did that? Her friends pointed out that she was jumping and doing God knows what. She said sorry but it wasn't genuine. She made some other comment about it and then I got pissed off. If Madhavi and Jada weren't there I really don't know what I would have done. I told her that thing would have fucking crashed on my head. I happen to sit exactly where the damned thing dropped. She gets a little worried. She doesn't want to fight. But whatever. Seriously. What fucking ever.

Two days in a row. I'm just WAITING to see which idiot decides to piss me off now. It's become even more dangerous for me to stay in doors now hasn't it? It's either I stay inside and have something crash on my head or going out and having someone shoot me. Which oh which should I choose?

In all honesty, I'm thankful that no one got hurt and nothing besides that infernal ceiling light was damaged. But it doesn't matter. I don't use that light anyway. I begin to re-evaluate my opinion of this place. I begin to hate it more. I mean come on, you pay shit loads of cash to come here to study. You pay through your ass for mediocre accommodations. Really. Where is the good in that? Will someone please tell me, what is it that I do in Australia that I don't do in Singapore? I stay out later when I'm home. I smoke when I want, drink when I want. There's nothing here that I can't have at home. Nothing better either. The one thing about home that I miss apart from the safety, are the people I love. I miss you all.

Shit happens. And sometimes you can't do anything about it. I suppose it's better to know than not to know wouldn't you say? I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I will find something to say to you one day. I will. You'll see. I love you too much to give up on you. And let's face it, all these years, I never have. Although I was the only idiot so blinded that I refuse to believe what people were saying and what really was happening. I don't want to be blind to you. I don't want to have you lie and hide these things from me. They are important to me because you are important to me.

"I, cry, when angels deserve to die, die"
- Chop Suey, System of a Down