The day started wonderfully. It progressed comfortably, and then bam. Out of no where you get a bomb dropped right on top of you and for awhile, you're disoriented. But. (yes, there is a but.) But something else comes along and suddenly you forget what it was that bothered you so much. I can't say that I've forgotten it, but I have to deal with this. This is bigger than any other problem that I've dealt or have not dealt with. This is one problem that I can't run away from. And this is one problem that will one day kill me. It's already beginning to. I know it's not my fault, and there probably isn't anything that I can do to help. All I can do is believe and have loads of faith. God knows I need more.

I've been waiting for you
Have I been wasting my time
Running round in circles
Trying to quiet my mind

watching birds fall out of the sky
spiralled cigarette smoke
technicolours
of my world

pink liquids and black nails
white washed walls turn red
weird mixes on my cellular phone
it means that you're safe

itching eyes won't stop to tear
streaming thoughts that start to smear
technicolours
of my world

the sun is rising in your sky
the light's so far away
so stop your dreaming, don't turn your gaze
come on and look at me, i've something to say

cast in the corner of your eyes
there's something lying there that you must find
the technicolours
of my world

technicolours - mel

I never expected you to knock me down when I'm already at an all time low. Thanks A LOT.

You must be happy to hear that I have been hit with a sudden pang of depression. I just realised that as much as I love coming home, I have to say good bye. Again. Perhaps I am just a softy. But whatever. I love these people. I love them so much that every time I leave I feel like I'm being ripped apart. Can you understand what this feels like?

Do you know what it's like to keep having to say good bye when it kills a part of you inside? These people are the ones that I live with. The people that I've grown with. The people who above all, know me. And yet even amongst them slither in one or two who pretend. Yet they too are important. Those with malcontent are just as important. For it is through them that I shine.

Love is a strange thing. It's a romance that transcends all forms of obstacles. It is a form that embraces and does not judge. It is a bond between families, lovers, friends and even enemies. It is not something that can be explained or justified by human means. Love is you and me and all of the people. Love exists side by side hope. It's there in the brightest morning and the darkest of night when all seems lost.

And that is what's keeping me going. Love.

It's funny isn't it? How time seems to have taken us all for a spin? For some of us, it's like nothing changed and nothing had happened. And yet for others, seconds and hours seem like forever.

This whole time, I had always felt like I'd never left home. Until today. It's Tuesday morning. I've been home for a little over a week. There's still so much to do and so many people to see. And yet, I can't help but wonder if if it's really what I should do. I think it's time that I stop thinking about what I should do and just do what I want to. Those that truly know me already know that my life, as much as I like to say, is not my own. I live for other people, I dream for other people and I hope for other people. The people I love. The people I hope will be there. But I can't expect the world to come at a stand still just waiting for me. I don't. I can't.

Maybe I've really mellowed. Maybe I've grown. Maybe I'm just different. People always say that it takes a lot for a person to learn from their experiences. I begin to think otherwise. It just takes one small thing. One gust of wind, a single thought (fine that's an impossibility but indulge me), one kiss, one smile, one love. It's the little things that make us who we are. And the road that we take that guide us along the way.

I want to believe that my life is here. Home. Where I don't have to worry about anything. A place where everything is provided for me. But, that's just avoiding the bigger picture isn't it? That's just being dependant instead of being independent. I know that one day I'll be able to stand on my own two feet. With people around of course. In subtle ways, we hold each other up. We become each others pillars of strength.

So these are my words. Words that I will say till the end of time. We are all strong. Sometimes pillars crumble, sometimes people leave. But it's not the end of the world. Letting go of friends, loved ones and family is part and parcel of life. And as much as I don't want to just let things be as they are, I have to. This is already out of my hands. But, I will not allow anymore to get themselves entangled.

I have learnt a great deal of things from the people around me. I need you guys to understand that you don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. You don't have to worry. Because ultimately, if you tell me the truth, it wouldn't be as bad as keeping up a lie. Doing things just because other people are isn't what we're about. We are our own people. We ought to be able to live our own lives free from discrimination, prejudice and all that. So the next time you want to scorn someone for a wrong they've done you, think about it and look at yourself. Have you done the same thing to another? To a friend? A lover? Your own family? Would you back stab those you love just to clear a path for yourself? Would you blame someone else for something you know they didn't say or do? And even if you think that you're right, how sure can you be?

Just one last thing. Gossip will always remain gossip. Speculation will always remain as speculation. The absolute truth may be too great for us to fathom but the quest for it just proves that we are human. And as imperfect as we are, we continue to strive to be perfect. We are after all, perfectly imperfect. A walking talking contradicting race.

We are a paradox. The world is ours to mould, ours to care for. Is this the path that you chose? Can you live with the choice you made? Or will you look back and have much regret for the people you know you've hurt? Will you be able to look them in the eye and say you're sorry? Is it really that hard to imagine that people just might forgive you if you try?

I stand here unalone and unafraid. I know myself better than anyone else. Can you say the same about yourself?

Odd day after drinks mood. I'm always like this the day after. A proper, 24 hours after I mean. Satisfied and yet empty. Content but unfulfilled. Contradiction after contradiction. There's no pleasing me is there? Yes there is. Mah Jong. I love.

And therefore, POONNNNGGG!!

I had a dream of you. It put me in such a frazzled mood that I was constantly fighting with people all day. Not good huh. Well, I think it's about time I pay attention to my better judgement and write you off. Oh wait. I already have. Have a nice life. And please, stop plaguing my thoughts. I will be most happy to have the lot of you leave me the hell alone.

this is a short one. I'm tired as hell. I just replugged in everything in my room. I'm sure I've missed a couple of things here and there but it's alright. So yea. I'm home. I miss a few people. You know who you are. So yea. I love you, I miss you and I will most definitely see you again. I'm sure of it. :)

And for the rest of you buggers, my cell phone's up and running. It's the old number so... You know how to reach me :) Oh don't call the direct room line just yet. It's more than a little fucked up atm so er... Yea!

Much Love

There are a lot of things that I want to say.

But let me start with this. Everything that has happened, is a blessing. I am happy. And no, I'm not 'trying' to convince myself of it. I really am. This is why. If nothing had happened, I wouldn't have found the peace that I now have. I wouldn't have been able to do all the things that I needed to do.

I'm leaving in about 12 hours. I need to wake up early but I don't want to sleep early. There are a lot of things about this semester that I will miss. I will miss the friends that I've made. The people that I've grown close to. The quiet moments where the world seemed to stand still even though we all know that never happens.

I am happy for the things that are happening. It's proof that we're alive. I'm happy because I'm looking at things from a whole new point of view. I'm being me. The me that I always have been. Sure I'm a lot more mellow now that I was say last semester. Less wild. I am content. And I look forward to brighter days. I look to the sunrise and to the sunset for my inspiration. I listen to the silence of night to give me peace.

I'm coming home to you. I'm coming home to more people I love. And more people that love me back. I know I'm leaving people I love behind as well but that's ok. Love doesn't disappear. It never does. You don't just wake up one morning and find that it's gone. It's the way of the world. It is. That's just how things are.

I'm listening to that version of the Nobodies that I mixed for ActDirect. I remember Cia next to me telling me that she knew where all the joints were. I remember laughing about it afterwards because we got the highest and most consistent score. I remember the day that I met Jon. I remember the day I met Geoff. And my wonderful angels. I remember the first day I met Adam. I remember meeting Intan. In fact, I'm constantly reminded of that moment. It was comical wasn't it? I remember meeting Amran, Johanna, Shawn.... everyone. I'm still sitting here but I already miss you all and want you to know that I love you very much. We will see each other again. It's just a matter of time. Just time. And a world of possibilities.

Fine... I know I didn't watch but I am quite happy that South Korea won :) It was a good thing that I wasn't watching either though, I managed to run through all the terms and concepts that I need to remember for Soci in about... a little over an hour? Turns out I'm actually panicking for nothing eh?

I slept most of the day. I only managed to fall asleep around 4 last night. Quite bad. Woke up at... er... 10? But I couldn't do anything the whole day. Entire body was in severe pain. Not to mention I've got a headache atm. Frontal lobe no less. Overworked higher processing? :P I'm so getting into my work it's fun! w00t! I've not been checking up on everyone in a while... I finally got to see Liy's mom's wedding pics too. It's been too long since I checked up on everyones' blogs. I can honestly say, that I am SO prepped! I'm so ready to do this!! Oh Thursday and Friday why can't you come sooner.... Blah...

Ok that's it, I'm gonna go get some R & R.

- 4 days and counting -

I remember what it's like to not be able to move. To be unable to lift a finger. To want to scream but my lips won't move. I remember what it felt like to be paralysed. To be in an odd schizophrenic state. I remember what it was like when I lost control, when I lost my mind. I remember fighting so hard to get it back. Every time I think I'm about to lose myself, I'm forced to fight. Because I refuse to give up. Because giving up is not what I am. Avoiding a situation is not me. I look, I do, I focus, I deal. That is how I've lived. That's how I managed to get by for this long.

It's not that it doesn't bother me, it still does to this day. The pain I felt all those years ago. It still lingers. I haven't really repressed it nor have I tried to forget it. In fact, I make myself remember. It's just that today was the first time that I closed my eyes and I could see it. That's what I dreamt about.

I was locked down again. But into a position where I was helpless against a virus that would not leave. A virus with a will like my own. I woke up feeling intense hatred and anger. But that's the thing. I knew that I wasn't going to let it win. It's a part of me. It's within me. An inner demon if you will. One that rarely surfaces but is always in the current. But after really thinking about it, as much as it hurt, or as much as I wished it never happened to me, I'm partly glad that it did. The only thing that I have to say is, I'm sorry that it took me all of 8 years to realise it. To fully understand what it taught me.

I'm not being a masochist when I say that I'd live through it all over again. Because if it were to repeat, I know now what I did not know then. Back then I kept it in, I never let anyone see how much I was suffering. I suppose it's that part of me that hasn't changed. It was born partly from not wanting people to despair on my behalf and the selfishness that no one could understand and no one would be able to help even if they tried. But that's the beauty of people, of friends, family, people I love. They often surprise you in strange ways when you give them the chance to. And in a strange way, this other side of me is just like that. It's a defence mechanism, it's a comfort zone, it's love, it's hate, it's everything. It's not quite me and yet it's in me. It's the light that I see when I wake up and it's the darkness that takes me to what matters most. It's in the people you look at, it's in the flowers and the rain. It's in the laughter and the tears of complete strangers, in friends and even in adversaries. It's a drive. It's there to bring equilibrium. And perhaps now you will know why I loved the phrase "undying equilibrium". The everlasting balance that is me.

I do not appreciate people who masquerade as someone else. Least of all people who pretend to be me. So please, quit being such a loser eh? Honestly, talking like me, typing like me, blogging like me? My style is my own. Go come up with your own. Although I am quite touched that you're so... concerned with how I work, it's getting a little too irritating. 'a little too' being a massive understatement.

So far so good. I'm actually slightly ahead of schedule and yet at the same time, I'm not. I landed up going into tomorrow's work instead of today's. Blar... I suppose it's a good thing that I was so into my work that I didn't even realise until just a while ago. But still, making everything work out now is going to be exceptionally difficult. The soci topics are now political. And I do not have a love for politics. In fact, I consider myself to be quite apathetic when it comes to these things. To top things off, my lamp bulb blew. So instead of studying with my lamps of which I've become so accustomed to, I have to use the annoyingly bright fluorescent tube lighting. As if my eyes aren't strained enough. So much for studying at night then. Perhaps it is about time I rearrange my sleeping pattern. God knows I should. Sleeping at 6 waking up at 2 = not good.

Speaking of sleep, to my housemates: I BEG YOU. At least for wednesday and thursday nights, when I know you will want to watch your wonderful world cup, turned the volumes down a couple of notches can? I have papers the next day. After Thursday night, you can make all the noise in the world, I will have no objections. In fact, after that I'll probably be stuck on the TV playing KH2 or something. That or I'll be ridiculously busy. I happen to be going home on Sunday incase you didn't realise. But yea, I know you love your soccer but try? Thanks :)

Ok. Now to get back on track....

- undeniably MeL

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

What's Your Dosha?

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

I told you I was weird :P

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun. And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial. Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well. However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

What Color Red Are You?

er... I thought I took life too seriously. Where'd that one come from?!

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

I can accept the lot. More or less. Except that last bit. wtf??

You Are Royal Blue

People find you difficult to understand. In fact, you often find it hard to understand yourself. You think so much that sometimes you get lost in your own thoughts!

What Color Blue Are You?

^ Hahahahahahahaha!!!

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait. And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

You Are Rogue

You're reluctantly special. In fact, you long to be normal. You consider your powers to be a curse, and something you can't control. Powers: absorbing other people's memories and abilities, weakening and killing people with your touch

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Me Like Gambit....

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

What Language Should You Learn?

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

What Element Is Your Love?

but but... I AM a fire element!

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Your Birth Month is December

You love life and exude an outgoing, cheerful vibe. Blessed with a great sense of humor, you can laugh at adversity. Your soul reflects: Celebration, success, and wealth Your gemstone: Blue Topaz Your flower: Narcissus Your colors: Indigo, green, and blue-green

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments. And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

You Are Death

You symbolize the end, which can be frightening. But you also symbolize the immortality of the soul. You represent transformation, rebirth of a new life. Sweeping away the past is part of this card, as painful as it may be. Your fortune: Don't worry, this card does not predict death itself. Instead it foreshadows the ending of an era of your life, one that is hard to let go of. But with the future great new things will come, and it's time to embrace them. Mourn for a while, but then face the future with humility and courage.

What Tarot Card Are You?

the death card is a GOOD card. It's all about change. And sometimes, all we need is a good change.

You Are A Margarita Martini

You are a full on partier, with a good deal of sass and spunk. You're always friendly and welcoming - and very tolerant of obnoxious drunks. You should never: Drink and dance. The pictures will be everywhere the next morning! Your ideal party: Is loud, with good music and fun drinking games. Your drinking soulmates: Those with a Dirty Martini personality Your drinking rivals: Those with a Classic Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

ok. I'm officially and ADDICT!

You Are 74% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Your 2005 Song Is

Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz "Love forever love is free. Let's turn forever you and me." In 2005, you were loving life and feeling no pain.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

ooo I like this song!!!

You Are Ernie

Playful and childlike, you are everyone's favorite friend - even if your goofy antics get annoying at times. You are usually feeling: Amused - you are very easily entertained You are famous for: Always making people smile. From your silly songs to your wild pranks, you keep things fun. How you life your life: With ease. Life is only difficult when your friends won't play with you!

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

heeheeheeheeheee!!

You Should Be a Song Writer

You have the ability to evoke emotion, tell a story, and hook someone... In a very small amount of words, perhaps with some deft rhyming. Even if you can't write music, you can sure write compelling lyrics. Lyrics so good, people will have them stuck in their heads!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

it is but a dream

Your Quirk Factor: 64%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

Your Musical Tastes Match: Nicole Kidman

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs. In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!

Who Were You In High School?

I was?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You Should Be a Musician

You have a rare combinations of talents: an ear for music, nimble fingers, and the willpower to practice. You could master almost any instrument you choose to play (if you haven't already!)

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino

Smooth and sweet, you fit in to almost any crowd. No one would suspect you of being a coffee tweaker!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Your Stress Level is: 63%

You are prone to stress, and you're probably even pretty stressed right now. Life's problems seem to pile up on you, and this often makes you feel depressed and burned out. Learn to take time to relax and enjoy life, even if things are stressful. It's the only wa you'll get through the bad times.

How Stressed Are You?

duh.... i AM stressed! Sheesh!

Of Dreams and Hopes

Every time I watched a great movie, I sit and I replay the whole thing with the commentaries. But so far, only one movie has kept me thinking that people really shouldn't give up on themselves.

For me, as a kid I had that dream of making it to the big screen. That or marrying some rich guy and owning towers and towers of apartments and live in on of the penthouses. But now, being somewhat still in the media, I realise that it's not so much being in the movie. It's more about being able to take it apart and understanding the innuendo and where it all came from.

It's a given that not all of us can be actors or actresses. It's also a given that all of us at one point or another want our names to be set in stone. My mother for some reason thinks that I'll be the one to find a cure for drug addiction. Or at least a fool proof method to help these people. To set them free. Of course a part of me wants to be able to do that but still, there is another that tells me not of have such delusions of grandeur. So what does it take to be remembered? Does it take controversy like Freud and his notion that we are driven by two main things: the unconscious and sexuality? Or can it be in something like... Oh I don't know, writing your thoughts down?

I suppose the point here is, what makes us as individuals special? The subjectivity of our thoughts? Or is this unique-ness just an illusion.

I was talking to Amran yesterday about philosophy. Well she's taking it. I just like babbling about it. I would take it but I don't have credit points to spare or money to spend on one more semester just to take extra modules here and there. I digress... As I was saying, we were talking about existence and illusions. There was a girl in Amran's class that just said that things are only in existence when you can see them, touch them, feel them etc. To the point that she said that Amran's parents in Sweden did not exist because they weren't there. (Talk about being a total insensitive bitch.) This same Australian girl had a photo of her dog in her purse. To which Amran told her that if her parents did not exist because they were not there at that specific time, then this girl's dog didn't exist either. And this contradictory idiot turns around and says I know my dog exists because I just know. That and something about not wanting to speak to her ever. Talk about childish eh?

Obviously we all exist whether or not we see each other. I think the most important thing is how much of an impact we make on each other. Be it good or bad. So how about it? Where do we draw that line? Is wanting to make something of ourselves a lost cause? Or does the answer to that rely on who defines what it means.

I for one don't know. But it doesn't mean I'm going to give in. I refuse to bring myself down to that level. By what I believe in, I know one thing to be true. We were all put here for a reason. I do not believe in coincidences. So, be careful. You never know what will happen next.

buggerd

"naughty little fly
why does it cry?
caught in a web
soon you'll be............"

You know, putting dead at the end is a lot better than eaten. All things considering eh Jon? :P Ok fine so no one else is gonna get the joke. Whatever.... I went shopping!! And now I'm broke... But it's ok. I got really nice stuff!! I must go back to Knox next sem! w00t!! I want that other cup! The other pretty one! But I love my new metal cup too so whatever. And I think I'm going to land up living in these new pair of jeans. Hahaha

Anyways, Imma knock off. Studied loads, bought loads. Tired as....

You scored as Special Ops. Special ops. You're sneaky, tactful, and a loner. You prefer to do your jobs alone, working where you don't come into contact with people. But everyonce in a while you hit it big and are noticed and given fame. Your given the more sensitive problems. You get things done, and do what has to be done. "VULCAN NECK PINCH!!!" "owww.......(slump)" Special Ops 81% Medic 81% Combat Infantry 75% Engineer 75% Artillery/Armor 56% Support Gunner 44% Officer 38% Civilian 19% Which soldier type are you? created with QuizFarm.com

lalala!

in all honesty, I have to start sleeping early and waking up early again. I know I know... it's 2. All things considering, this is EARLY for me. But I gotta get used to it. Or come a week from now I'll be sitting for my papers half asleep. And that, is never good. *sigh*

Anyways, here I go. I'm going Media Representation AND Biological Bases today. Hopefully I can cover more than just that eh? :)

CIA!!!! I just read your blog! :) I've been frantic these past couple of days. It's non-stop studying. How unlike me eh? AND YES!! PARTY IS GOOD! MEL LIKE PARTY!!!!!! Email me, hit me on msn, I dunno, SOMETHING!! Although I will say this, there will be no girl on girl action this time k? haha...

I must say though, my drinking stamina has gone from bad to WORSE. And well... considering it wasn't all too good to begin with, it's really quite sad now. Yikes... I will say one thing though, I like sitting around and singing with guitars! It's not sissy!! But of course, there must be alco and cigarettes present too! And food. We musn't forget food! Man...I miss you guys loads!! I'll be home soon I'll be home soon!! I touch down the 18th!! w00t!!!

Anxiety apparently causes affiliation according to Stanely Schatcher. Really now.

Find so many people do know that this is true. But not everyone remembers it at the top of their head no? But still, it has shed quite a bit of light on my own thoughts.

So apart from my manic studying-smoking-notsleeping state, I bought myself a guitar. And electric guitar. With an amp and a hard case. I don't expect it to be as good as a fender or my brother's wonderful Ibanez but it should be alright. I suppose all I really need to make it sound top notch is a powerful amp and a good equaliser. Maybe, maybe not. But what ever eh? I'm still considering getting another one. Not sure yet. I'll just have to wait and see. Coz I'll problay get another electric if I do. But... I want to check this one out first before I commit myself to buying another. :)

All the same, I'm one chapter behind on my study sched. But it's not so bad. It's the bio chapter next and if I procede on to it now, I have no doubt that I can finish it, but, I'll land up having a bigger headache and an even more strained back. Plus, it needs my full and undivided attention considering I never took bio formally. Not to worry though, I've got soci planned for tomorrow. And media rep + discourse? Areas that I am very familiar with thanks to DK and all the time spent in Ngee Ann. :) Bits of it may still torment me till today but all in all, it was well worth the mental break downs. The friendships that were forged are stronger than... than... anything you can come up with. Ha ha ha. I am happy that I actually have friends who don't make me feel insecure. Friends that won't turn around and stab me in the back. Friends that understand me - how I work and who I am. In this day and age, it's hard to figure out who is trust worthy and who isn't. In fact, I was just talking to a very old friend on this topic. We have agreed to disagree though.

He believes that people should stand up for themselves and kick ass. For pure lack of better phrases. I however am far too passive to see things that way. I genuinely don't care what people say about me. If others choose to believe it than so be it. It's really their lost, not mine isn't it? So that's just what I told him. He might try it out, he might not. Whatever it is, I hope things work out well for him. I can honestly say, they're working out for me.

"I would have followed you my brother.
My Captain.
My King."

We all know where that came from don't we... How many of us feel that way about our political parties? Hmm... I don't wanna dive into politics. Gives me a headache. But still... I think we also all know why this post is beginning to sound very... what's another word for depressing?

The girl that sinks...

Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating

You are the master of new ideas, techniques, and ways of looking at things. You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines. You should major in: Marketing Psychology Desgin Cognitive Science Economics Photography

What Should You Major In?

w00t! spot on! I'm doing Psych! And I'm prolly going into Cog too! And and I love Photography not to mention design (those who know me are probably goinr "DUH!!!!").
I've grown to enjoy Marketing and the whole SWOT analysis. Not to mention I love Econs with regards to Marx. Socio-Political Economy and such. Ok fine, not the econs that most are familiar with but whatever...

I did something today that I haven't done in a while. A written study plan. Usually I go by week and tell myself this week I will cover whatever whatever chapters. But now that I've cleared [nearly] all the chapters with regards to both Soci and Psych, I managed to come up with a pretty darned good plan to study for the finals which are coming up pretty soon.

My thoughts however, stil lie at home. I can't wait to go back really. I mean my bro has a agreed to a whole day of non-stop Mah Jong! w00t!! I'm so looking forward to that :) Not to mention seeing my beloved friends again! jon, Cia, Judy, Luke, Kenny, Al, Tasia. Not forgetting of course my family. My parents, my bro, especially the kid of whom I love so much. He's a little rock star in the making. But still, jamming on his ukelele. Yes. His father bought him one. But still, I will buy him an acoustic when he is big enough and when I earn enough to get a good one. :)

I am also, however, worried. My dad's not feeling well. The flu and all. He's got a pretty high fever. I spoke to him earlier and made him promise me that he would go and he a reputable doctor tomorrow. Well today in Aussie time. Not to mention I have a great deal of concern for Luke. His exams are around the corner... And reservist has just come round too. I know it's selfish but I DO NOT want him to go to Indonesia. Really. But... I know he's ok. I know he'll be safe. After all, Luke is undeniably Luke. And no matter what happens, he'll be fine.

I miss you, love you many many people! I'm coming home soon! 13 days is not a lot of time. I'll be back soon!!! :D

Shopping online has it's limitations. OBVIOUSLY. The one thing I hate about it is shipping. The actual product is pretty cheap but the shipping is a KILLER!!!

So I was trying to find a TV Tuner for my laptop. (Which in case you didn't know, it's a PowerBook.) After hunting round and round online, I found that I liked the PYRO A/V Link. And it was within budget too. I don't expect to pay more than 200 aussie lar. Which is quite a bit already. But the shipping? 100 USD. No, I'm not kidding.

It's between that and a TV. A small 17" one I guess. But no such luck. I suppose I'll have to go to Chadstone and lug it back to iHouse. I am SO looking forward to that. The things that I have to go through for luxury. I really should go get my license. Even Ryan, my second cousin, in Queensland has just gotten his learners permit. And what do I have? Heh. Somebody shoot me. Honestly.