fucker

Some kind of friend you are. Honestly. Some kind of friend. That's all I am to you right? You don't even give me that little bit of credit. You just want to use whatever I can give.

No more. Fuck off. Seriously. Fuck off.

malaguena

The Chivas is gone. And so is the Absolut. Rick was soo drunk... Unfunny man. Completely unfunny. But yea. Apart from all that I still feel tired. Hanging out with them is cool and all but it's been a long while. I run out of stamina.

Why do I feel like I can never find you, Why do I feel like I'm the only survivor?

:)

it was a good conversation.

and that is all. :D

heh

I'm not scared of you.
I'm not scared of anyone.
Especially not you.

you know how to reach me

Please understand, I didn't call you because I couldn't. It's not like I didn't want to. Trust me, I know what it feels like to not have someone call. I do feel bad. But don't take it the wrong way. I had and still sort of have mixed feelings too. I don't exactly measure up but hey. I don't know at this point. But believe me I will reach you as soon as I can. I promise.

Reach me. Please reach me.

mariachis

Emil's solemnisation was beautiful. Rini looked great in the white top and skirt she wore. It was so sweet. I could've sworn I saw him tearing.

We drank so much. I haven't been that high in a while. I mean the last time... I threw up. But yea. I caught up with all of them. I love them to bits. I feel like they're like a second family to me. Mig and I were the only ones that didn't sleep. We went outside and sat on the steps and talked and talked and talked till... I don't remember. But yea. Did you know that he is only a month younger than I? Haha! But he's a lot more mature than guys my age. Talking with him was really cool. He asked me to go psychologist on him. I did. Kinda freaked him out a little. :P Turns out that I really do have a knack for these things eh? When I got there with Kenny Ben literally jumped over the couch and ran up to me and hugged the air out of me. It was sweet. He's got a new girlfriend too. Her name's Diana. She did a dip in Developmental Psychology and some private school whose name I can't remember. But it's affiliated with Ngee Ann's ECH. Anyways, I got home about an hour back? Mom was so worried but she wasn't mad. Daddy... I think Daddy's close to giving up on me and curfews HAHA! I love my families to bits. There is nothing in this world that can replace them.

And you know what the cool thing is about all of them? They play better than El. In my opinion at least. AND AND AND. They love music as much as I do.

breathe me in

It's no secret. I'm happy that I went spontaneously. In fact, I'm ecstatic. Things are working really well for me now. I cannot begin to express what a wonderful mood I'm in. I love you dude. You totally made my day.

And of course to the one person I've looked up to for the whole of my life, I love you.

argh!!! he's mine but you lot are fucking irritating the shit outta me!

I hate to say this, but the lot of you are being stupid. What the fuck are your problems? Why is it that everything always has to be about you? Who was there to help you when you needed help the most? Who was the one who you lot cried to? What in God's name went through your heads when you said what you did? I have a right mind to kick your asses to high heaven.

Can't you lot just step out of your stupid little shells and look at what you're doing? It's not always about YOU. For God's sakes, look at yourselves can? All you people do is think up stupid and LAME excuses.

It is fucking irritating. You want to be pissed of at someone coz they pricked your feelings? I'd like to know exactly what that person did. Because I WAS FUCKING THERE. I WAS THERE when you lot threw your weight around. I WAS THERE shutting up when I wanted to scream at you. That was ME.

So excuse me for being busy. Excuse me for not being what you term as 'normal'.

the boy is mine

let it be known. this is by far the toughest birthday present to procure. if that's the word to use. heh. but ya, i hope he'll appreciate it. pfft

mine and only mine

Hi. It's me. I'm bored. got about a little over 4 hours of time to waste really and... Well... I miss him. I'm wearing the jumper and thinking about him. I can't help it. I mean there's a reason why I'm not with Saf. There should be a good reason why I'm on a plane going home when I've got so much to do. I don't exactly know what I'm doing either. As far as I can tell, I'm scared out of my wits and that last scare was really something else. Really. I never want to be that scared and worried again. In fact, I don't want to be this stuck in between people on an aircraft where the people around me are
1. either reading my magazine while I read it
2. staring at my laptop reading as I type

I would like to say to them, FUCK OFF. And mind your own business before I fucking poke your eyes out. Thank you.

All right. Now back to important things. Ok fine, they aren't really that important but still, I can't stop thinking about him. I wish I could. I really do. *sigh*

I don't love him but I don't not love him at the same time.

On other things that seem to make it's appearance in my minds eye. I fucking hate you. I hate you to bits. How dare you drive them apart. What business is it of yours what my friends do on their own time. You are nothing but an annoyance. A giant thorn in our sides. And I wish that you never stepped into our lives. You tried so desperately to be one of us. And the only reason why we made no attempt of denying you that was because ONE person spoke up for you. And the fact of the matter is, You aren't that important. In fact, you are insignificant. And how you even managed to throw 2 perfectly happy people apart is beyond me. And it's not like they knew each other for a short time. They've known each other since they were kids. 8 long years bitch. You've single handedly driven my friends apart. And for that, I hate you. I am unsure at the moment if I want to kill but I swear, it's pretty close. And the minute I have the chance to, I will. I hate you so much that there is no word in any language that can describe your impudence and the severity of what you've done. I leave for what 2 months and already you've decided that you want to take my place? I THINK NOT. Not even I have to do very much to set you straight. There will be others who will do it for me you skank. You can take your stupid excuses and shove it up your ass because you aren't worth our time. And trust me, coming from a woman, you are nothing but a quick fuck.

Wonder who I'm talking about? I'm sure some of you already know who. And please, I wonder where her maturity went. Even I wasn't that bad.

Ok. I know it's not good for me to blog with such a huge time span. But it's 4:14am Melbourne time now and 2:15 Singapore. I'm here. It's been a long while. Drank Chivas and Vodka. Smoked. I feel better. I love him so much. There's nothing I wouldn't give to help. But... I will respect his wishes. It's the least I could do. Now I'm so far away. This is where I belong. This is home. I never should've doubted it.

still mine

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn’
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
’cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
But tell him that they don’t mean a thing

Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I’ll sing for you
When I come back, I’ll wear your wedding ring

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone
By the times that I won’t have to say

me me me me me

Well this is amusing. I got this



be sorted @ nimbo.net

but the minute I answered another house of the very last question I got a different result!

me. me and only me.

Hi.
I'm awake already. It's coming isn't it? That's why I can't sleep? Or I'm thinking to much about that idiot again. The last time it was like this I couldn't sleep as well. What am I to do eh? It's not like I can chain smoke my way out of sleeplessness this time. I've run out. Heh. Amazed yet? Well yea.

I can't stop thinking. There're so many things that remind me of the things that I half-heartedly want to forget. From the simplest things like the clothes on my back. I know I should want to just drop it altogether but I can't seem to. Or at least I don't want to or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough.

Either way, I need to make my decision and soon. I don't exactly have a lot of time left to dally anymore. But it's not like I can do anything before Wednesday can I? But this whole Spring break... I don't know. I really don't know. At most I can only do something on Thursday if I'm lucky but then it'd be a little too late wouldn't it?

I hate having to make all the effort. Makes me feel completely useless. But... I suppose I at least have that effort and I know I tried. But you know the whole feeling of trying and failing? Heh... Well, everyone keeps telling me it's not worth my time. I tell you, it's like a bloody self-fulfilling prophecy! Either way, I am not about to give up any time soon. I can't help but have drive. Especially when I see what I want.

just a note

of all things why cereal and listerine?!

that is all.

argh!!!

ok for the record, I've lost EVERYONE's phone number. Irritating isn't it? My Singapore line and Australian lines are the same but I don't have anyone's number anymore. Can you guys drop me an email to redrealm@gmail.com and pass me ur numbers again please?

ARGH!!!!!

it's just me. and only me.

The power of the mind huh... It's worked once. When I wanted it badly enough. And by God it will work again. Besides, it's me. And there's nothing in this world that I can't do is there? I should really listen to Madz. She knows what she's talking about. Self doubt is another issue that I've got to deal with though. It's just been something that I've depended on for way too long. But hey. This is all going to change. Every thing's going to change.

I'll make it change. And I won't give up.

By the way Saf, things just got a little more interesting. Perhaps I was wrong to have been bored after 2 weeks. People just land up surprising you don't they? You know what I mean. Heh... But yea. Things just started getting more interesting. And, from the way I see it, it's about to get even more interesting. We'll see eh? We'll just see what the world has in store.

globe sick

It's supposed to be warm, note SUPPOSED. It's cold though...

Friday night @ Heat wasn't too bad. Apart from all the sailors and stuff. Haha... I had fun. Got into a debate with Shawn about how money isn't everything. And getting what you want because of it spoils the fun of it all.

Yesterday night wasn't that bad either. Tomoko's birthday party and Evolution. :) Except almost all the guys there were pervs. Heh... Except the ones I knew lar... Crazy thing was I could've sworn that I saw Marcus and Shawn? A few others thought they did as well but apparently we were wrong. Even the Shawn lookalike who said Hi Melissa wasn't Shawn but then who in God's name was it?! :S And the other dude that looked just like Marcus wasn't Marcus. They were both even wearing the same clothes I saw them in before we left! Strange huh... I dunno what to say. I wasn't drunk. But oh my God Saturday morning I woke up with such a headache. Perhaps only because I slept for an hour?

I'm listening to Frente!'s Labour of Love again. I love that song. I prefer it to James Blunt's You're Beautiful. That one just reminds me of Shawn considering he insisted that I leave it on repeat. Talk about over kill.

You know, I sometimes wish that people would look and realise that there's a lot more to a person than just the way they dress or they way they behave because sometimes they don't realise that they're just like that too. I don't understand why people like to jump to conclusions. I don't know why they love listening to rumours of things that've never happened. It's annoying that they take pleasure in screwing with someone's reputation all because they're lives are all blah. Irritating. I miss home. I really miss home.

:D

For the millionth time,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAF!!! I hope all is well... I'll call you soon. Take care of yourself babe and I love you :)

money shmoney

My Mom just told me that my Dad and her are willing to pay for my education all the way. And that I don't have to worry about money. Wow. I mean it's something that a lot of people expect of their parents but I just didn't really think that I would be climbing up the ladder this quickly. Know what I mean?

I'm just worried about them too. I don't want them to have to spend that much cash on me. I mean, how long is it gonna take me to pay them back... Even if I make 15 k a year. That's still going to take me what... 10 over years? For all of higher ed? *sigh* I love them to bits. I do. I just want to make them proud.

i am full.

This marks the end of one of the most tiring weeks of my life. It was a week of hard studying and consecutive clubbing. Well not really clubbing but you know what I mean. It has also been a week of much irritation a lot of anger and that split second of exploding happiness that died off into anger as usual. And now that I finished both my psychology paper as well as my presentation, I am a free and not quite as happy as I should be person. Let me tell you the one thing I totally forgot about presenting shit to a bunch of people that you don't know. The minute I opened my mouth it was like everyone looked up from whatever they were doing and stared at me the whole time I was talking. It wasn't that bad. But I knew I had a LOT to talk about. Just that I couldn't quite seem to find the time or relevance to talk about it. I told myself to break my rules and just read off the paper. But did I? No. I broke no rule. I spoke and I spoke and I spoke and now I am done.

I'd say it's about time I have a much deserved break. Wouldn't you? After all, I've got a little under a month to relax before it's back to work again. Oh well...

the fine line between truth and lies

Am I lying to myself
Have I let me down
The reality of it all blinds my eyes
I know you see right through me

I don't want to lie to you anymore
Too tiring, too painful
Is it pointless to even look at you?
Trying seems to be a waste of time

I don't smile anymore
Ever one's a lie
It drips in blood of all the wrongs
There's a fine line between truth and lies

Do you wait for me
Or is that something you say to all the girls
It's so cold where I am
My sun has gone away

Can you remember the things we did
Was it real or was it a dream
Oh, all the happy times ring in my head
A distant memory of old days

I don't smile anymore
Ever one's a lie
It drips in blood of all the wrongs
There's a fine line between truth and lies

I can't remember what you said
Echoes of others buzz in my head
The endless pounding makes me cry
That's what happens when I try to lie

You look at me the way I see myself
The mask I wear long broken and gone
It's like a mirror to my soul
You're eyes, I see myself in them

I don't smile anymore
Ever one's a lie
It drips in blood of all the wrongs
There's a fine line between truth and lies

How can you tell the truth from the lies
Even when I don't say a work you know what I'm feeling
I hate to miss the plane
But I still wanna stay and dance in the rain...

I don't smile anymore
Ever one's a lie
It drips in blood of all the wrongs
There's a fine line between truth and lies

the fine line between truth and lies

Why is it that I feel like I’ve betrayed him? Why do I still feel responsible for someone that I no longer answer to? Is it because I feel like I’ve betrayed myself? Has my conscience grown that much since I’ve come here? Before, things like this would never have bothered me. I mean, once isn’t ok but for the sake of this discussion let’s just say that once was all right. Twice?! THRICE? NO! FOUR TIMES. Yea. You’d think I would have learned by now.

Perhaps that is why I have been completely off my rocker over the past few days. I don’t know what to do really. I at least got one off my back and the other is too far away for me to even take notice but this once is right here. Right now. Staring me in the eye. Maybe it is better this way and maybe it isn’t but all the same it’s infuriating. Why is it that one night I think that I’ve got a game plan and come the next night, it’s all gone?

Do I really see him as just a substitute? Heh… What would Luke say? I know what he would do if he were in my position but what would he say? Talking about choices is a whole lot easier than actually following through with them. Seriously.

I feel like I’ve let him down. Let myself down. Why did I call him my boyfriend you may ask? To get one of the assholes off my back and it worked. And yet even though I know it’s nothing, I feel responsible and incredibly guilty. I did let you down didn’t I Jed? I’ve really done it this time. I’ve lost count with the number of stupid things you and I have both done. Heck I can barely remember the stupid things I’ve done for that matter but yea. I give up. Parts of me don’t want to think about it. Parts of me just want to give up on everything altogether.

Please don’t forget me. Don’t forget, I’m coming home.

web cams

Take The quiz yourself

Web camming was fun.... Only prob is, I slept at 6 and therefore am too tired to go for class. AHAHA. :P

what's with 6?

Is it just me or is it just that everytime I call people from home around 7pm Singapore time I can't get ANYONE? sheesh!! Where is everybody... LIARS!!! You don't miss me anymore... :( Haha...

Nah, I'm gonna go out soon. Heading out to the city to go to this club called Krave. I'm only going coz of the free drinks not to mention a bunch of my friends are going too. But they're going coz of Chris. Remember the annoying ang moh? Yes, him. He's promoting so they're apparently going to give him support. But I'll bet they're going because they get free drinks too! HAH! Take that you na bei chee bai!!!! Gawd... I still cannot believe he has the nerve to try and turn my girls against each other. It's enough that he's running around trying to defame ME but hey. Why would I even give him the time of day? Why did I? I'll tell you why. It was just a bit of a cruel game. And now as he tries to turn it on me, he's failing miserably. Why in God's name would anyone want to take his word over mine? Especially when he's a lying mofo?

Enough about jackasses ya? Well... Tomorrow is Indian Night at Uni. Madz is going and so am I. Jada wants to go to. Hopefully Amran and all will go as well. But as of late they haven't really been in a partying mood... And I know that I've been study mode for quite a bit as well. Well, on the brighter side of things, HE won't be there. As far as I know, the guys from I-House that are going include Sunil and Shawn. We'll see how that works out. I'm sure that a lot more are gonna go. It's just that they aren't saying anything eh? :)

In all honesty, I want to go to heat. I kinda like the place. I know it's populated by many Sri Lankans on Fridays but most of them are friends of Dumi's so that's alright isn't it? Besides, there was that hot Italian dude from the last time I was there not to mention one of Dumi's friends, both of whom are excellent dancers. I wonder what I'll be wearing tomorrow night though... Might go bug Madz to lend me one of her punjabi tops to wear haha...

Anyways, LIANG! Please take care of yourself. I'll be back to bitch with you in no time at all. I lurve you man. Saf, it was nice. Really. And I don't only call when I'm drunk!!!!!!!!! Besides, when was the last time you called me huh? HUH?? Luke, the only one that loves me enough to answer my call even though you were at dinner. You are my angel. Don't you dare forget that... Kenny... Kenny... Kenny... you are so gonna LOVE what I got you. :) Rick-James Gerard Galistan. My God, I love typing out your full name. It's these little things that I do that make you smile huh... I miss you loads darling... I really wish that you were here too... I love all of you boys. I'd give anything to be with you all now. But seeing as that I can't, there's nothing more for me to do than to sit, study, party and try not to cry over the many things that are affecting my life both here and at home.

But this I write to the one I love the most of all. Whether you're reading this or not is besides the point. Kor, I love you. Please be well. I'll be with you soon. In fact, whenever I sit to quieten my mind it feels like you're right there beside me. I love you so much that I'm finding it so hard to put to words. And that's really saying something isn't it? I know you promised my that you'd be ok but I'll still be here, worrying and praying that you are safe.

i feel... dead

I don't only call you when I'm drunk!!! And I don't only miss you when I'm drunk either. So what if it's easier to talk to you when I am? Doesn't mean that I can't think of you lot otherwise right? I think about a lot of people and most of the time it's you so be happy that I do ok? Sheesh...

I don't know what to do or what to think any more. I want to do my work but I don't want to do it alone. Argh...

LURVE

I went sun tanning. No I'm not any darker. It takes a while for me to tan.

Oh, Damien? I LOVE THE SONGS!! Particularly breed. It's like a cross between Kindney Thieves and Portishead! I love I love I love!! Thank you!!! You still seem to be able to pin point my love in music eh? :)

So far things here are getting a little better. Still haven't talked to Shawn about Rocky II. If anyone can tell me what his wife and kid did in the movie I'd really appreciate it if you let me know asap!! Paper's due on Friday and I intend to finish it by Thursday afternoon so yea... Loads of work for MeL as usual eh?

I love you I love you I love you. (Yes! You Luke!!!) :D

really?

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
All You Wanted - Michelle Branch

Really now. Is that really what you want?

explosions

I went cliff diving! We jumped off a cliff!! Hahaha... Ah highlights of Sorento. :)

Anyways, on to more important things. Omg, I bought my boys stuff... I can't wait till they get it! I wish I could be there to see their faces when they get it.... Oh well... But that can't really be helped I guess... But at least I know that they'll be happy right? :) I'm literally going to explode!!

whee

Finally, all is going right for a change. And I'm really happy. w00t!! Ecstatic. I can't wait!! I really CANNOT wait for everything to happen. I love surfing!!