mine and only mine

Hi. It's me. I'm bored. got about a little over 4 hours of time to waste really and... Well... I miss him. I'm wearing the jumper and thinking about him. I can't help it. I mean there's a reason why I'm not with Saf. There should be a good reason why I'm on a plane going home when I've got so much to do. I don't exactly know what I'm doing either. As far as I can tell, I'm scared out of my wits and that last scare was really something else. Really. I never want to be that scared and worried again. In fact, I don't want to be this stuck in between people on an aircraft where the people around me are
1. either reading my magazine while I read it
2. staring at my laptop reading as I type

I would like to say to them, FUCK OFF. And mind your own business before I fucking poke your eyes out. Thank you.

All right. Now back to important things. Ok fine, they aren't really that important but still, I can't stop thinking about him. I wish I could. I really do. *sigh*

I don't love him but I don't not love him at the same time.

On other things that seem to make it's appearance in my minds eye. I fucking hate you. I hate you to bits. How dare you drive them apart. What business is it of yours what my friends do on their own time. You are nothing but an annoyance. A giant thorn in our sides. And I wish that you never stepped into our lives. You tried so desperately to be one of us. And the only reason why we made no attempt of denying you that was because ONE person spoke up for you. And the fact of the matter is, You aren't that important. In fact, you are insignificant. And how you even managed to throw 2 perfectly happy people apart is beyond me. And it's not like they knew each other for a short time. They've known each other since they were kids. 8 long years bitch. You've single handedly driven my friends apart. And for that, I hate you. I am unsure at the moment if I want to kill but I swear, it's pretty close. And the minute I have the chance to, I will. I hate you so much that there is no word in any language that can describe your impudence and the severity of what you've done. I leave for what 2 months and already you've decided that you want to take my place? I THINK NOT. Not even I have to do very much to set you straight. There will be others who will do it for me you skank. You can take your stupid excuses and shove it up your ass because you aren't worth our time. And trust me, coming from a woman, you are nothing but a quick fuck.

Wonder who I'm talking about? I'm sure some of you already know who. And please, I wonder where her maturity went. Even I wasn't that bad.

Ok. I know it's not good for me to blog with such a huge time span. But it's 4:14am Melbourne time now and 2:15 Singapore. I'm here. It's been a long while. Drank Chivas and Vodka. Smoked. I feel better. I love him so much. There's nothing I wouldn't give to help. But... I will respect his wishes. It's the least I could do. Now I'm so far away. This is where I belong. This is home. I never should've doubted it.