I hate everything about you.
I hate the way I don't hate you.
I hate the things you say.
I hate seeing you upset.
I hate it when you get things you don't deserve.
I hate you for being that way.
I hate it that I can't give up on you.

DAMNIT

UGH! Campus TV didn't pick me... Or Geoff... It went to the other Mel from the other cohort... Blah...
At least I've got UrbanWire or Heatwave to fall back on..... *sigh*

I'm tired, I've got too much work to do...
Things to Do BY TONIGHT:
1. Comm Issues Presentation
2. Sub Feat 2s
3. PR Test!
4. TV thingy

shit... i barely slept... AND I CANT SPELL!!! Shit.... DAMNIT!!

hand, tooth and nail

I FINALLY finished the majority of my work. *Phew* Annoying... I mean, I was stuck doing work while Luke and Kenny were at Holland etc etc. Damnit... The kinda shit I get myself into... Oh well...

Was sposed to meet Alicia for dinner today. But she never picked up. Her lost I guess...
I'm tired. Overworked. Dying. I know too much my own good.

I Believe In Everything and Nothing At All

It's amazing how a person can have suck a lack of understanding. Even more so when stupidity clouds judgement and makes them think they know what they don't. I am perfectly aware of was is the truth and what is not. Perhaps it is you who lacks knowledge period. Brilliant aren't you.

Kudos

You know what? It took someone who's like 3 years younger than me to show me that does make a differenence to shout out what your thinking. Even though it ultimately hurts. Really Hayley, thank you. Luke is an amazing person for someone like her to ruin and I meant what I said. He is lucky to have a sister like you who isn't afraid to fuck someone over because she deserves it.

For the record, Shen, I honestly thought that you might've been good for him. I honestly thought that you could bring him the happiness he deserves. And now look at what you're doing. And you say you're comfortable in your own skin. I don't give a fuck what you think or what you'll say. Heck, flame my tag board. I don't care anymore. Because you do not deserve him and I'm only sorry that I couldn't tell you to your face you cunning bitch. I hope you realise what you've done. If you take this as some meaning childish act, by all means. As far as I'm concerned, we ALL know what kind of person you are.

Once again Hayl, you rock. I'm like that with my brother too. Only now, my brother is really happy.

Quiz Frenzy

666Evil Angel666- You are genuinly evil. You live
for the darkness and the thrill of deception.
You have no sympathy for the world and never
have. You see people who dwell on their
emotions as pathetic and weak. Your sexy, in a
dangerous way and people often fall into your
trap. You make a game of toying with peoples
heads and hearts. You love to see suffering and
destruction. You see humor in it. You are a
true beleiver in the 'fling', you see no use in
relationships and feel no need for love. You
may have some sort of good side but we are
still waiting to see it.


good......dark`~Angelz~`light......evil
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You're tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a fire shadow. The feathery glow of your
source makes you spritely and active. You love
to experience many things and you want to take
in the entire world. You are constantly
flickering, darting from one experience to the
next. You have heat, energy, magic, and
charisma and hold the power of beauty and
destruction. However, the dying of your embers
is a corrupting fear. Learn to accept that you
cannot possess so much raw energy
forever.(please rate my quiz cuz it took me for
freaking ever to create)


What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


You belong in another of my worlds. The world of
self-destructive tendencies, either through
actual physical destructiveness or emotional
breakdowns that you keep bottled up inside,
thus hurting yourself. You feel that life is
nothing but pain, and you see red in everything
with the memories of the blood you have
bled(literally or figuratively) for your
hurting. You live in a hidden land that few
will ever understand or see in you, because you
keep it to yourself and only let a few rare
people into the truth of your reality. Er...I
don't condone my own actions, so I really don't
know what else to say. Of course, you could
also just REALLY like blood....or you might be
homicidal, not suicidal. ^_^;


Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
brought to you by Quizilla


your fuck.


What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hell: You are most likely not an evil or bad
person, but are quite troubled at the moment.
Something is probably bothering you intensly.
With so much emotion bottled up, Hell will let
you release your anger. (please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


Your ideal Middle-Earth parents are Celeborn and
Galadriel! You live in the beautiful woods of
Lothlorien. You are an elf! Your parents are
very wise and will always be fair with you.
They also give very good presents that seem
cheesy until you realize that they are exactly
what you need. Your mother is as beautiful as
the dawn, which means that you will be either
handsome or beautiful yourself and your guy
friends will want to hang out at your flet all
the time to look at Galadriel. Arwen, Elladan
and Elrohir are your niece and nephews, and
Elrond is your brother-in-law.

Your Middle-Earth mama is a psychic, which means
that you can never, ever lie to her. She is
the disciplinarian and will do her best to see
that you become a wise and noble elf.

Your Middle-Earth dad will try to be your best
friend. He is the one to ask when you want
money for concert tickets or permission to go
to a party. Since he will really want to
impress you with his hipness you shall be
forced to listen to him butcher teenage jargon.
Example: What up, homechild! Thou art trippin
in that tunic, yo? Try to keep him from doing
this in public. Even with all that, Celeborn
will spoil you, which you will enjoy, so live
it up!

I hope you liked my quiz. Please rate it, okay?


Which Lord of the Rings couple would be your dream parents? Pictures and longish answers.
brought to you by Quizilla


kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but quite daring. you move for the kill confidently knowing the other person wants the same thing.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're as dark as can get. You like to laugh at
people, make fun of them, hurt their feelings.
You're in so deep, you'll never get out, and
you probably don't want to get out too. You
make the world a darker place. Better get my
flashlight...

Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Neon Genesis Evangelion character are you?

An Interesting Evening

Ever had one of those crazy pervs on the messangers? Well I did. But for the heck of it, I've masked out my own screen name. God knows who else is reading my shit...
Anyways, whoever you are, enjoy. This guy is a barrel of monkeys I swear.


crazycalabrian01 (2:03:20): hi u sexy
mel (2:04:22 AM): fuck off
crazycalabrian01 (2:05:08 AM): ever suck a man cock
mel (2:05:37 AM): know the meaning of fuck off? or do i need to make it more simplistic for your primate mind to comprehend
crazycalabrian01 (2:06:10 AM): sorry if i upset u can u chat
mel (2:06:22 AM): yea i can. just not with you
crazycalabrian01 (2:06:34 AM): why
mel (2:07:17 AM): i doubt you even understand the meaning of the word upset let alone know how to engage in any form of intellectual conversation. so i highly suggest you get lost. or is that too hard for your simplistic mind to understand
crazycalabrian01 (2:07:46 AM): bye
mel 2:08:19 AM): oh you're leaving? wow, you DO understand. now piss off
crazycalabrian01 (2:09:09 AM): plz just tell me one think have u ever been fuck up the ass
mel (2:09:21 AM): im sure you have
mel (2:09:24 AM): explains ur brain mass
crazycalabrian01 (2:09:25 AM): and if u like it
mel (2:09:30 AM): its been fucked over hasnt it
mel (2:09:58 AM): that's probably why you're soo fucking intelligent. now, SHUT the hell up
crazycalabrian01 (2:10:07 AM): plz dont get upset
mel (2:10:24 AM): let me put this in terms you might understand.
mel (2:10:33 AM): plz dont use words you dont know
mel (2:10:37 AM): GOT IT?
crazycalabrian01 (2:10:51 AM): yes
mel (2:10:57 AM): now scram
crazycalabrian01 (2:11:13 AM): plz chat a little
crazycalabrian01 (2:11:35 AM): iam 13 /m aust i like girls
crazycalabrian01 (2:11:57 AM): never had a fuck yet
mel (2:12:13 AM): which parts of fuck off, piss off, shut the hell up and scram do you not understand? i DO NOT want to talk to you. I also don't want to talk to prissy little minors who haven't even hit puberty. so if u've never fucked anyone, that's your problem not mine
mel (2:12:28 AM): now piss off
crazycalabrian01 (2:13:03 AM): iam going 2 try it next week tueday with a 20 year old
crazycalabrian01 (2:13:27 AM): thats why i ask u if u fuck
mel (2:13:41 AM): the poor 20 year old is probably too dumb coz no one that age in their right mind would fuck someone as young as you.
crazycalabrian01 (2:13:42 AM): dont get upset plz
mel (2:14:00 AM): all i ask is u shut the hell up and piss off.
crazycalabrian01 (2:14:13 AM): for $20 she will
crazycalabrian01 (2:14:22 AM): ok bye
crazycalabrian01 (2:14:31 AM): sorry if i upset u
mel (2:14:45 AM): whores? you really are dumb. now get lost.
crazycalabrian01 (2:14:54 AM): bye

The only pitiful thing is, he's just a kid. That or a poor sex crazed pervert. Hah, losers! This so made my day... Now on to sleep coz I've got a Spanish test tomorrow and I've got to hand stuff to heatwave! :D

I don't know if I hate you
Can't say I love you...
I still don't know why

And as for you, you stupid bitch, I hope you burn in hell coz you are soo undeserving. How you can be so thick headed and stupid is a bloody miracle. Damnit... I hate you so damned much. I've never hated anyone more than I hate you. Why are you doing this? You are soo bloody selfish. So much for all your empty promises. I hope people will see you for the manipulative bitch you are. Friggin idiot, there is no word in the english dictionary that can better describe you.

BLAH

Ok, maybe it's just me. BUT I HATE THESE DARNED COMPUTERS!!! I mean honestly, they lag, they're slow, impossible to work with! I'm kinda on a break now so yea.

Ugh, didn't get much sleep last night. Spent most of the night working on the Media Kit. Photoshop was being annoying. I can't wait for Comm Issues to be over and done with. My head is pounding and eyes are shutting. My hands are shaking, muscles aching. God, I'm whining so damned much. Can't help it though, I'm so tired... Come on, is it too much to ask if the day could go faster? Then I can go home and do feature and then SLEEEEEEEP. :) Yea well, my life in a nut shell. Too busy to socialize I am.

Jars of Clay - Redemption

We made it to a starnge town
Going down the wrong road
Like any story retold
Couldn't find a common ending
We're way gone, be gone, looking for our own way

We needed a distraction
You said you were redemption

We knew it as a wrong turn
We couldn't know the things we'd gain
When we reach the other border
We look out way down past the road we came from

We're looking for redemption
It was hidden in the landscape
Of loss and love and fire and rain
Never would have come this way
Looking for redemption

We were looking out past the road we came from

Looking at redemption
Hidden in the landscape
Of loss and love and fire and rain
Never would have come this way
Looking for redemption
In the eyes of sorrow, eyes of rage
What a sordid histories they played
The drama of redemption
Redemption

MAROON 5 ROCKS!!! :) The CD was such a worth buy man! But beacuse of my not so little CD spurt, I am QUITE broke now. School work is not as bad coz the deadlines are tomorrow and everything is in. Well, almost everything la. :P

After the presentation, I must write my Feature 2. And after I write my Feature 2, I will help Addie with the scripts. Either one first. AND THEN I shall sleep coz come friday, I WILL BE AT THE OBSERVATORY CONCERT!! YAY!! :D

My wonderful idols are busy this weekend so I'm on my own.... :( So sad... But still, it is a good thing that they're taking what they're doing seriously. I feel happy for them but because of this, then I have nothing to do this weekend... oh well... What to do...

HELLO
I am in PR class. BLAH! Finished work n shit. Going home sooon. Will go hOME TO work on PR MEdia Kit. Celia WAS pulling my hair :S
*sigh*

!@%)&*!@%*@^#

This is it you fucking bitch. What the hell is your problem. Can you not write a SIMPLE thing like that? Is it soo fucking hard to get it? Oh my God, you have SERIOUS issues. I am this close to killing you. Do not make me. Oh wait, I think I just might.

Stupid Shit

My God. You're intelligence is beyond me. Honestly, what do you think you're doing? I actually happen to give a damn about this. This IS MY LIFE! It's not just some crap transition. I get that you don't really give a shit but guess what, you can screw your life up but leave mine out of it. And if you think I have an attitude problem, you REALLY ought to figure out the idea that YOU are the one who is being soo fucking lazy about everything. Please don't claim sympathy points coz there are none.

I hate fighting. Be it for a response or whatever. I don't think it's worth it. Why the hell should I waste my time. That's it, you've heard the last of me. Do whatever you want. I don't care. Hell, leave me out of it because I want no part of it. Not now, not ever. I can't help but begin to feel so incredibly stupid after awhile. I seriously hope that you're not just using me coz I swear if you are... It's enough that I have to deal with school work and an almost non-existant social life let alone this. I hate it. I hate a lot of things. I hate the way I just can't forget all of this.

I feel like a bloody neophyte. Like I don't even recognise things that I've been doing since forever. I've been so out of touch that oh gee, my defensive mechanism is up so high that I don't know how I'm gonna tear it down. I miss being able to talk. I miss just sitting and watching a movie. I miss the casualty and the plain and simple innocence. I hate what's happen. What I've become. Amazing that I've sunken this low. And all for what? Nothing. In the long run, it still feels completely empty. I don't care if I don't make sense anymore. I don't care if you don't see this. For once, I just want to not care. So this is kinda like a good bye. I don't fucking care if anyone thinks this is childish or stupid or lame. But this is like a good bye. Don't expect me to call. Don't expect me to be there because as much as I want to and probably will, it tears me up.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing you can do to help me. I've just got to cry and then sort this mess out. And once again, all this alone. Like you even give a damn.

Why can't I just hate you.

I'm sorry. But I don't think I can handle this.
I'm just so sorry. So sorry that I'm giving up.

Shooting fish in a barell

I'm sick. Really sick. Fever, flu whatever , you name it, I've had it. Work is getting to me. People are getting to me. I've grown soft. I'm letting people get to me. Why... How... You have no idea what I'm going through. How can you say you understand when you clearly don't. Yea, I care about you but evidently nothing is enough.

I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life messed up and probably alone. I can't wait to get away from here. Get away from her, get away. Get away from everything that could potentially cause me anymore distress.

Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you
know what you have to say and you just say it!
I like you very much...just be careful you
don't scare me away...


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hahahaha!!! REALLY now...

Hmm... It seems like I've gotten myself into a bit of a mess again? HAH! A bit?! A LOT more like it... I have SOO much work to do... I feel like I'm soo damned drained... And I've even lost my prata craving... It's sushi now... Don't ask why...

I find myself fighting so very hard to stay awake while I type this in hopes that I will eventually manage to finish my work. My brain is stopping to function. God, give me the strength to put up with all this rubbish. I love my work, I love my life but sometimes, I wish that things would just not happen anymore.

People, in case you haven't yet realise, I happen to be very much of a techie. *shudder* In other words, I'll know who posts what where.

The Morning After

Don't you hate it when you have quizzes with more than one choice that applies to you? *sigh*


I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You are similar to a demon but slightly different in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your love of sin caused you to be cast from the Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are nearly as dark as your desires. You are faithless and love it - you believe there is no Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what you want! You have a refined concept of what is sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In fact, you love chaos and view much of what you do as a game. You are typically attracted to those that will challenge your mind, power, and wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least open to the concept, because you seek excitement and passion everywhere and in everyone. Chances are you have a special talent for magick - you're a powerful being and you know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you like to try your powers of seduction and manipulation, though your intent is rarely to cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep, dark place. While typically smirking, amused, and sarcastic, you are capable of severe revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled by any other. In your eyes life is for enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If you're not having fun in your own twisted way, you're not happy. You are easily bored with the vast majority of people. You are most likely drawn towards the Gothic subculture and probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many people look down on your seemingly careless lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'. Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to none but themselves for power. Congratulations! You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm concerned - you know what life is REALLY about. Have fun...Muahaha. *~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla


Yours are DEMON wings, possibly resembling
those of a bat - huge, black, and clawed. You
are cold and impure, and a born Creature of the
Night. Possibly with an interest in those of a
vampyric nature, or possibly one yourself. You
have little sympathy or care for humanity and
see them as existing for no real purpose -
thus, you can be very manipulative and bend
them to fit YOUR purpose. And you do have a
purpose, to everything you do. Nine times out
of ten it will be strictly for your own self
gratification or perhaps merely amusement. As
soon as a person or situation is no longer
productive or pleasurable in your life, you
will rid yourself of it or them. You could very
well have just a touch of superiority complex
(or perhaps more than a touch?). Despite all of
this, you are capable of love so intense that
you place that person's wishes even above your
own - the only time that you will do so.
Chances are you are attracted to people in
which you see...yourself. Though many hate you
for your carelessness and evil...Sexy, fierce,
sinful, and mysterious...you turn me on.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

I can SAFELY say my life will be more enjoyable and officially less complicated. I've got the "Natural Born Killers" syndrome... :) Ah if only there was the sinister smiley... heh...

Today was a relatively ok day. I mean, I slept till... er... 11-ish? and decided to just sleep on and turn up for Comm Issues. So yea I did. All in all school today was pretty ok... Tomorrow I have to go in early though... TV production 2 and we've gotta make plans for a demonstration. Heh... Let's hope we actually get something of substantial information... In anycase, I guess we can handle it. I mean my group did manage to get Benedict Goh and all right? :P Ugh, enough about school...

Reasons for a less complicated life:-
1. GREAT friends who keep me entertained for like EVER. People who keep me involved in their lives which is really cool.

2. I got my sanity back. Or shuold I say insanity? Wheee

3. School is less tiring and stuff. Work's been getting manageable.

One thing I am pretty bummed about thought, I didn't get urban wire. Oh well... I can't have it all right? Maybe heatwave will accept me? Even then, I've still got the web thing with FiRST so that's not too bad.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with myself and everything else. Which in a sense may not entirely be good. Call me paranoid huh...

I've gone to tweak songs versus updating my site. I've also gone and decided not to worry so much about the site coz I've got work with school and oh yea, my life sucks? Things with school and all are soo complicated. It's a love hate relationship. I'm not sure if I love my life or completely hate it... ugh...

killer tendencies, killer instincts...

not very normal are they...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sickening part about online blogs is -

1. people assume that you're writing about them when you're not

2. just because they think they know who you're talking about they try and solve it

3. I can't be honest to me. And frankly it's driving me insane....



I wanna make music. So badly, you don't know how much it hurts. I wanna do soo many things but it never works out for me. And these things that I want to do are good. These things aren't bad. I know what you're thinking but I swear. I'm trying.

My life is like one BIG BIG disaster zone. Out of the pan into the fire is like a bloody understatement. I hate it when I can't talk to people who I used to be super close to. I hate it when it looks like we aren't friends anymore. I hate it when I can't be me. And yet ultimately, it is I who creates all these problems. I know I don't seem to be making very much sense right not but its what I feel. Empty. So much so that I just want to pack up and leave. I love school and yet I hate it. I'm still contemplating going today. I should shouldn't I... This place is just one step away from where I want to be.

I thank God that I still have you guys. Who knows what would've happened to me over the years huh... Sure maybe a few complications less but I'd be so incredibly ignorant, so naive.

I don't hate you, I never will. What I do hate is not being able to help. My strength dwindles and I have no where to turn to. i hate being stuck.

Don't ask why... But I feel like crap. I feel like things are my fault. I didn't want any of this to happen ok? It is not my fault damn it... I had nothing to do with this. And yet... I feel so... sad... Like as if it's my fault when it's not? I don't know anymore...

I is in web design class now......... I is bored....... why? coz I finished the tutorial....... :( Damnit Geoff... WHY DIDN'T YOU COME???? IF YOU WERE HERE WE COULD START THE PROJECT!!! BUT NOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU'RE NOT HERE!!!!!! Ugh.....

I'm too bored for my own good lar... haha :)

Damnit.. I think I shall redesign AGAIN! I forgot the save the incredibly yicky other angel one. The gray one where no one could read shit coz the font was red and the background was black n white. Very painful to the eyes.... But but, i found ANOTHER picture of an angel. The Madonna one. (Prasad is gonna have a friggin' field day but hey, he doesn't read this! HEE) SO I shall try to entertain myself for... oh let's see.. another HOUR!!! Maybe more...

STUPID GEOFF!! hmph...

Maroon 5 - Harder to Breathe

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

heh... who knows why this is like ringing in my head... -_- I'm TIRED!!!!

I’m in PR class. I’m trying hard to pay attention. I more or less understand what’s going on. My mind’s on stuff like Comm. Issues… I mean, come on, I have to go down to National Library later. I don’t have anything on except feature writing. I still have 3 articles to write. My feature 1 on Naruto is definitely in, feature 2 on Hong Kong is a maybe and I still have yet to write that darned movie review… Crap… *sigh* maybe I’ll meet Kenny before going home today. Just feel like hanging out and talking. Heh… oh well… time to work AGAIN

Words out, they're going to the Incubus concert in KL on Tuesday! SHIT MAN!!! I WANNA GO!!! :(

Everyday

Is it wrong for my to see you?
Is it wrong for me to pray?
For my life to be more than just a lie
Is it wrong, is it wrong

Is it wrong for me to need you?
Is it wrong for me to hope?
Coz it’s what I feel deep inside my heart
It’s not just some messed up lie…
It’s not just some screwed up lie…

Everyday in the smallest of ways
I watch you smile and laugh
Live and learn and live to love
Everyday your demure-ish ways
Makes me smile, makes me laugh
Telling me just how much I really love you

I can’t be honest to me
All this is driving me insane
Every time I think you’re gone; you come running back to me
Time stops, the world’s still spinning
And you leave me hanging on this empty dream

Everyday in the smallest of ways
I watch you smile and laugh
Live and learn and live to love
Everyday your demure-ish ways
Makes me smile, makes me laugh
Telling me just how much I really love you

Is it wrong for me to love you…

God, I love this song. And I'm happy and proud that I wrote it for you guys. :)

MeL is... happy yet sad. But more importantly, she lives.

I wonder why you torture yourself. I wonder why you refuse to see what's right in front of you. And when it all hits you, you start complaining about how everything's bad and how nothing ever goes well for you. Open your eyes man, open your eyes coz you really don't see what is happening. There is a lot of things your missing. Superficialists...

que los angeles del cielo te protegan, mi amor.

Why don't people see what they have until they lose it? Kinda dumb isn't it. I have everything yet I have nothing at all. Damnit... Maybe it's better that I don'thave anything. Maybe things are better the way they are. Who knows? Personally I think I should just stay out of it. I have far too much on my hands now.

I'm open for jobs though... ANYBODY! I will make u a website! Depending on who, what and how hard, it MIGHT come with a price. But normally I'll just be happy with having my name nice and shiny in acknoledgement!!

Don't feel like going home. Don't feel like doing anything. Don't want to do anything and I don't care. Or at least I wish I didn't. It's not a guy thing. It's personal. More than you'd realise. I'm not surprised I've not driven myself crazy yet. Somebody please shoot me coz I don't want to have to deal with this anymore.

It's like I'm empty. Like nothing matters.

I've just redesigned. I think it's a little better than what it was... I hope... I should be working on feature but... my brain well refuses to work on work. Crazy aren't I... But all the same, I think this one is pretty good. I'm genuinely happy about it.

So I just redesigned. Makes no real difference. I'm exhausted, hardly anyone will see let alone appreciate it. Screwed up isn't it. I'm this close to not using blog spot. I extended my domain service all in the interest of keeping my port folio up.

I knew something was happening and yet I didn't do anything. Yet I couldn't help. Sometimes I wish that I could help you. Sometimes I wish you knew that. But hey, you don't, I can't force you. I fell like such a loser for not being able to do anything. It's not my life is it. I want to help you, I wish there was something I could do. Even then I always go on about my work and how busy I am. And it's no excuse. I know that and yet... *sigh*

But I'll ask you this:
How can I help you when you don't want me to
How can I give you something that isn't mine to give