loving the alien

I think it's important to feel sad. To feel depressed. To miss things and people. It helps us remember what's important.

So what if it hurts? So what if you feel like your world is crashing? Do you see the little things? Can you allow yourself to remember the moments where you felt like your world was perfect?

It's the one thing that I condone fighting for. That small split second of bliss. That moment, in my opinion, is worth everything. I dare say it's worth dying for and even better yet, it's worth living for.

I will always wish that I were home. It's plain and simple. I wish that my family and friends were here then it wouldn't be so bad. Even when I'm home, I generally stick to myself. I entertain myself and I do what I want. Of course there are a tonne of limits that are in place but it's better. Easier. I feel safer and a lot more comfortable.

Here... I guess there's nothing that I really can complain about. But there's one thing that will never change. This place isn't home. Let's be realistic about it, when we're done with Uni, we'll want to come home. After all, it's home isn't it? Isn't that where we all really want to be? I know where I belong. I know where I'd rather be. But for now, I do what I must.

What was it that I kept telling people? Ah yes, one day at a time.

So maybe being in Melbourne isn't really that bad. I mean, it's not like I'm stuck with no where to go right? It's not like there's nothing that I can do. There are a lot of things that I need to get done. A lot of people I've not been out to see.

I guess on some level I've really made a life for myself out here huh.

A friend asked me why I didn't move out and live on my own. I guess people do know me better than I think they do huh. I would love to live by myself. Really, I would. But I don't see how that's going to work. Not now at least. Maybe when I'm done with Uni.

Either way, so far so good. I'm looking forward to Wednesday. I'll see all my old friends again. Well not all. But a lot of them. :)

Thank you. Whoever you are. You've brought my internet back! You've brought it back and it's made me so very very happy. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

PS: I had fun today Daniel. Thank you for a wonderful day. :)

Ok.I'm not trying to be uncontactable this time. As most of you know, I'm already back in Australia. Forgive me for not sayin goodbye, let's face it, we all know that I hate it. Goodbyes that is.

To make matters worse, the internet in my house is down. So I have to resort to typing on a dying Windows based machine to which I am not at all pleased.

Either way, I am not going to say very much because, well, there really isn't much to say. I've changed my cell phone number and for a while will only be contactable via e-mail. Not to worry, I do check it as often as I can. (Which isn't very often though...)

So yea, I'll be back. Eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Much love,
MeL

Damnit. 2 days. Just a full two days left and I'll be in the airport leaving for Melbourne. A lot of friends think that I'll be looking forward to going back. I guess a part of me is looking forward to it but I'd rather stay home. I mean, it's home. Ah well

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!

OK. Now, I can go sleep. :)

Remember that really good dream I had? The one in the big white house. Where every thing was black and white? I was there again. It replayed like a video and instead of stopping where I last saw it, it continued. I saw things that I couldn't really understand. It was like I lived a life time in just a day.

It was full of problems and still some how I managed to pull through.

Let me just put it this way, no words can do justice the brilliance and bliss I felt. We felt. The peace.

Once upon a time, there was a girl that dreamed. One day her dreams began to become reality. All her troubles melted away, all her pain disappeared and she was happy. Truly happy.

My dream is taking place. And I now know what to do next. I know why I have to keep fighting. It's a simple matter of causality. I can't prove any of this to anyone, but I know this is real. I know I am real. And I am not afraid.

Today. What can I say about today that will do it justice. It was wonderful. Relaxing. Stress free.

I met up with Luke at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Forum where we had breakfast for lunch. Honestly, nothing can top having breakfast at a more... woken hour. Hehe. So yea, it was literally one whole afternoon of catching up and talking about everything and anything. The only thing that worried me about that was the fact that we came to a conclusion that we are getting old. So not funny.

I came home pretty early which was a good thing coz I made it in time to have dinner with the family. Adam was upset that he could only have one toy at the little twisty vending machine but then again, what else is new eh? So from then till about 10 minutes ago, I spent time with my brother. Once again, I'm really not looking forward to leaving home. But on the same note, I kind of am seeing as this is my final year. It's all almost over. I can't wait to graduate. But honestly, I need to start hitting the books.

Talking to Melvyn and Luke are one of my favourite past times. The two of them have an unexplainable way of making all my problems dissolve. Well, not dissolve, but they make it all bearable without me even talking about them. It's very... comforting. I know I'm going to really miss them. They are a part of what coming home means. And coming home means the world to me.

I love you.

And... Happy Valentine's Day. Tomorrow is going to be yet another beautiful day.

I just wanted to say congrads. And on the same note, protest as much as I can given my lack of expression today.

You're good. But why did you win over them?? No no no no no!!! They're better!

Heck, THEY ARE THE BEST!!!!

I love you Mr. Kiedis. :)

I don't like it. I don't like what's happened. I don't like this change one bit. I don't recognise you anymore. I don't know what you've become. I'm disappointed. I'm so sad that it's come to this. I can't ask why. I can't even begin to think of how. I just know that I've changed. I may not like it but, I've changed. And I really really REALLY don't like it.

I miss my friends. My real friends. I miss my family. I know I'm right here. I know you're right there. But it feels like you've all moved on and I've been left behind. That or I've moved on and left everything I care about behind. I might not like it but there's little I can do except to keep going. What was it that Dory said? Ah, "just keep swimming swimming swimming."

fragments of nightmares

Let's see. 15 days and I'm not looking forward to it. 15 days is too short. I wish I could stay here longer. Even so, I know that I don't have a choice. I know that I'm going to go and be stuck on that continent for longer than I have been before. I don't think I'll be home till November this year. This is all on condition that I get to do what I want. Coz if I don't, well, I won't be seeing home for 2 years.

Quite frankly, that thought makes me shake. I don't like it one bit.

I guess it can't be that bad. It's been one and a half years. I suppose I'll be able to manage right? I mean, I know that most of my friends have moved out. Some not so far away and others well, they haven't really moved any where, they've just lived pretty far away from the start.

Well... Let's hope that this year will be better than the last. I hope it will be. Coz I don't think I can handle another repeat of the last few years cramped into one.

I haven't left yet and I already miss home. My real home.

Saying that I'm tired is a massive understatement. I just spent the last... 3? 4? hours sorting out Mel's PSP. We panicked at every juncture, strained our eyes to read silly little read me files. It was excruciating. But at the end of it all, his PSP does what we had intended for it to do. That is, run PS1 games. From downgrading a 2.81 firmware to 1.52, to my stupidly upgrading it to 2.71 not 2.71se thus forcing us to further downgrade to 1.50 before putting in the RIGHT upgrade.

Lost you yet? I'm supposed to have. If I haven't then I haven't fulfilled my purpose.

Either way, I won't be messing around with upgrading and downgrading for a very very VERY long time.

You are friendly, adaptable and a realist. You rely on what you see, hear, and know first-hand. You good-naturedly accept and use the facts around you. You look for a satisfying solution instead of trying to impose any "should" or "must" of your own. You are sure a satisfying solution will turn up once you have grasped all the facts.

True. I guess...

You solve problems by being adaptable, and often can get other to adapt, too. People generally like you well enough to consider any compromise you suggest. You are unprejudiced open-minded, and tolerant of most everyone-- including yourself. You take things as they are and thus may be very good at easing a tense situation and pulling conflicting factions together.

Er... I'm not very tolerant. And I generally can't be bothered with getting people to adapt. I prefer a more do what you want view on things. No one really listens until they get themselves into trouble

You are actively curious about objects, scenery, activities, food, people, or anything new presented to your senses. Your expert abilities in using your senses may show in:
• a continuous ability to see the need of the moment and turn easily to meet it
• the ability to absorb, apply and remember great numbers of facts
• an artistic taste and judgement
• the handling of tools and materials

True.

With your focus on the current situation and realistic acceptance of what exists, you can be gifted problem solvers. Because you are not necessarily bound by a need to follow standard procedures or preferred methods, you are often able to see ways of achieving a goal by "using" the existing rules, systems, or circumstances in new ways, rather than allowing them to be roadblocks.
You make your decisions by using the logical analysis of thinking rather than the more personal values of feeling. Your thinking enables you to crack down when the situation calls for toughness, and also helps you grasp underlying principles. You learn more effective in actual situations than on written tests. Abstract ideas and theories are not likely to be trusted by you until you have been tested in experience. You may have to work harder than other people to achieve in school, but can do so when you see the relevance.

Not really. I like abstract ideas and I go for the values and feelings above anything else.

You do best in careers needing realism, action, and adaptability. Examples are engineering, police work, credit investigation, marketing, health technologies, construction, production, recreation, food services, and many kinds of troubleshooting.
You are strong in the art of living. You get a lot of fun out of life, which makes you good company. You enjoy your material possessions and take the time to acquire you. You find much enjoyment in good food, clothes, music, and art. You enjoy physical exercise and sports, and usually are good at these.

Exercise? Hello, this IS ME we're talking about!

How effective you are depends on how much judgment you acquire. You may need to develop your feeling so that they can use your values to provide standards for your behavior, and direction and purpose in your lives. If your judgment is not developed enough to give you any character or stick-to-it-iveness, you are in danger of adapting mainly to your own love of a good time.

I can't deny that either

Suitable Careers
• attorney
• carpenter
• coach
• computer system analyst
• construction worker
• contractor
• detective
• emergency medical technician
• engineer
• entrepreneur
• farmer
• firefighter
• management consultant
• mechanic
• military personnel
• paramedic
• performer
• police officer
• professional athlete
• real-estate agent
• sales representative
• stockbroker
• technician
• transportation operator

All in all, I still want to be a psychologist. I think.