Me?

I don't know if I'm ok. I don't think I am. It's hard to explain. I know you guys wanna help. Or at least I think you do. I need help just about as much as I want it. Sometimes it's just so hard to explain myself. I wish you could understand.

There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how....

Maybe... you're gonna be the one that saves me....
After all, you're my wonderwall...

Thank you. Really. Maybe I just need someone to run to and hug. Maybe I just need someone to fall on. Maybe. I don't know. Just maybe.

Bittersweet

You mean nothing to me. In fact there is someone I love. And you can't even compare. Don't touch me. Don't even look at me. You're not worth my time.

But... love hate relationships rarely ever work. Besides, this is pretty one sided. I don't like you. I keep up apperances. Don't speak tp me again you insufferable shit for brains. Don't assume that I'll make nice with you. And don't even think for one minute that I'm kidding. I think I finally understand why I can't even talk to you anymore. You are so selfcentred. Even more so than anyone I know. And trust me, I know a lot of people. I talk so much of this insane amount of hatred that I have for you. When in fact I cannot bring myself to say it to your face. I... You completely kill me. I'm dying. I don't know if you can save me. I don't think you can save me. No matter how much I want you to. I don't think you'd even try. I don't think you even know. I wish you knew. I wish you understood. But then again, it really is too much to ask isn't it. I don't know anymore. Maybe it's me that changed. I think I need to get out of this place. It's about time I left. I want to say good bye. But if you even so much as call, I can't bring myself to say no. But I'll say it any way.

Goodbye.

Damnit

My blog is screwing up. It demands a change? hah...
I have too much work and near zilch inspiration so guess what, TOO BAD. Live with the error then...

Good Bye. For Good.

My skin tingles
My face is wet
My body is shaking
My heart is dead

My mind is blank
My thoughts are null
My world has darkened
My soul has left

My being pulsates
My body still breathes
My flesh is rotting
My gut is sore

My life is ok
My perceptions are not
My throat aches
My voice can't be heard

My loved ones are leaving
My faith is failing
My eyes empty
My chest explodes

right...

It's amazing how someone can be so unsympathetic and so self-centred to the point of being blind to others. And it's even more amazing that I still tolerate it. Guess this really is what is sacrifice. Heh... talk about utter rubbish. I really don't want to deal with you but I do anyway. There's a lot of things that I want that I can't have. A lot of things that I don't want that I do have. I'm not sure which you are.

...

I got hit by a massive virus. Had to reformat twice. But that's not the point. I feel sick to the bone. Why is it that people who deserve so much get nothing but pain but the people who deserve jackshit get everything. Let it be known, I don't like you. I can't bring myself to like you or hate you. You are the least of my problems. I have bigger issues to deal with and there's no way in hell I'm telling you to let you gloat over it. At most you're only remotely annoying and not as undeserving. But still, I'm so pissed off that the nicest of people, the people who have everything to live for are just disappearing. And it kills me that I can't be there. It kills me that I'm not strong enough to even try. At most I'll sit and cry about it. Left, right, centre people are telling me to pray. I guess I can, but what I believe in is wavering. Don't get me wrong, I love God and my religion and I would never give that up. I just want to know why this is happening now. I just want to know what the big picture is because no matter how I look at it, I can't seem to find the tinest shard of benefit. It's amazing because on one hand, I'm immensely happy for Kenny. I mean the guy knows what is best for him and I'm glad that he's slowly finding himself. And yet here I am, I see what this concept of faith is, I was born into it and yet I somehow cannot trust it. Sad isn't it.

I love God.
I love my life.
But ultimately,
there is one thing I do not love.
And that, is you.

And I don't care if you're seeing this.

Luke: I'm sorry ok? I just have a lot of things to sort out.

Sloganize

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

Mel. It's Everywhere You Wanna Be.

Moving at the Speed of Mel.

Go To Work On A Mel.

Maybe She's Born With It, Maybe It's Melissa.

The Right Mel at the Right Time.

You'll Wonder Where the Yellow Went, When You Brush Your Teeth with Mel.

Do You Eat The Mel Last?

A Mel A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play.

Mel Just Feels Right.

Every Psychotic Rock Star Helps.

I Hate My Life

Need I say more?

dead date

i'm seriously over working myself AGAIN. *sigh* I'm half awake, dying to sleep but with way too much work to do.......... how how how??? argh!! maybe I should only take on ONE thing at a time? haha...

I went to Sterne & Lears today. It was pretty ok la. As in the site is really doable. I can do it if I really concentrate and stuff... Thank God for a 3 days weekend coz I also have Akubi Chan to do. 2 scripts by the end of the week. Can la... Like I said, I just need to really concentrate on one thing at a time. But in my current state of mind, I am forcing myself to concentrate already... haha let's all celebrate the death of Mel...

Anita: eh please lar... sif hottie... rubbish type of person... I dunno what type of pictures you showed them man... haha... But never the less, tell Melbourne of my coming! For when I come, I bring nothing with me but the constant state of depression.

le-hu-se-er

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You build me up
You knock me down
Provoke a smile
And make me frown
You are the queen of run around
You know it's true

- Maroon 5

You keep telling me how you'll fix everything and make things ok again. BULLSHIT!!!!!! Please, you say that to make me feel better for a while. Or so you think. My faith in you is wavering... Sad ain't it. I don't really believe you anymore. We'll see how you like it won't we. We'll just see how much of it you can handle. But of course, I am suddenly too damned nice to do that kinda thing right? RIGHT! We shall see.

blah

I wonder how you're doing and if you're feeling ok
I shudder to think that you're life's a bitch and my life's just mundane
I still sit back and look at all the things I've done
I will sit back and ponder on what I screwed up on
I watch you smile, watch you laugh and find I can't do the same
I wish I may, I wish I might, be able to feel that way
I want you happy and never sad even though it hurts
I see you smile and it warms me up, it's just enough for me

wonder how they're doing. wonder if they're fine. But... If they wanted me to know, I would know. Guess they don't huh... That or they can't... I feel shitty but hey...

That's When

Aslyn - That's When I Love You

when you have to look away
when you don't have much to say
that's when i love you
I love you .. just that way

to hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
that's when i love you
I love you .. endlessly

and when you're mad coz you lost a game
again i'm waiting in the rain
baby i love you .. i love you anyway

coz here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
coz that's when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what

so when you turn and hide your eyes
coz the movie made you cry
that's when i love you
i love you a little more each time
and when you can't quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
that's when i love you i love you more than you know

and when you forget that we had a date
or that look that you give when you show up late
baby i love you i love you anyway

coz here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
coz that's when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what
ohh whoaa
that's when i love you when nothing baby
nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what
ohh ohh
no matter what


Hayl, I'm hooked!

Ok, ironically, I hate more than I love. And I die more than I hate. Vicious circle. *sigh* Why I delay things I never know... I wonder how G. I. Joe is doing... I worry too much...

yay!

I got Urbanwire!
I got Hoegarden Pint Glass!
I got many thing but all in all, I think I've got the best people to support me. :)
Thanks guys, you rock!

idiots

I'm on my way to school now. I still can't believe what happened yesterday. How can you even say or think that about me. Do you think you did more than me? Do you are better? I practically defended you. I made sure that it didn't get as bad as it could have. I'll tell you one thing. On top of all your personal problems, of all the things I OBVIOUSLY don't understand, I have a much heavier workload. I have to live up to greater expectations. You say I don't understand you. But do you even understand me? Why must I specifically be there for the work to start? Just because I know how to work the damned computer doesn't mean that you can just don't do anything till I'm there right? Is it MY fault that you choose not to know things? You're ignorance being bliss concept is not working here. Sure I tend to disappear from the scene very quickly, but it is still possible to contact my by other means right? Just because I'm not at my computer doesn't mean that you can't call. Just because I'm not home doesn't mean I don't have a phone right? i've had the same bloody hand phone number for almost 7 years. Yea, it's been THAT long. So don't come can tell me that you couldn't contact me because if you wanted to, you could have. Stop trying to make it seem like I can't be bothered with work. Sure I'm already qualified to go to Uni but this is what I want to do. As contradictory as I may sound, I actually WANT to work within the media. I want to be a journalist. I want so many thing but people like you are in my way. Why? You think I can't do it. Don't think I don't know what you're saying about me behind my back. It is not my fault that you don't have time to finish work. It is not my fault that you don't make time. It's not my fault that you're personal life makes it so hard for you to even go to church on time for mass. So quit blaming me for your own mistakes.

Why is it that when you say you don't give a shit you always do? Is it so hard for you to tell us the truth? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you when all I am to you is just another idiot who's willing to do all your dirty work. And the only thing I kick myself about is I can't help it. Sometimes I try to ask myself why I care so much for you. You're like a brother to me and yet sometimes I feel like hitting you so hard that my hand hurts thinking about it. I don't have to do anything for you in case you haven't realised but I am. Maybe it's about time I stop. I can't settle for your empty promises anymore. I've come to expect nothing from you. It's become that bad. Pity, coz I really thought you could be one of my most trusted friends. Don't listen to me anymore. I apparently know nothing.

sigh

Maybe I shouldn't have asked for the luxury to be bored. I'm in web now and it's SO DAMNED BORING. I have no clue what I'm doing. Why? Coz Geoff isn't here!!! ARGH!!! I am not happy man. Bloody hell... I can't make the damned buttons scroll. Trust me not to fiddle with Flash when I had the time. My sad, pathetic life...

My Stuff is MY STUFF

Keep you're hands off my stuff. I KNOW you were in here. Why can't you just take my word for it? So I may be childish for so blatantly demanding my chocolates. Not that I even like it. But to think that you would stoop so bloody low as to dig through my things. If I wrote a list spelling out the kind of shit I put up with you for, it would be endless. For God's sake, act your age. It's about time I lock my room door isn't it. I'll land up doing the same when I'm in Australia. And you still wonder why the other room is ALWAYS locked. I'll tell you what they all are afraid of saying. It is because of YOU. Do you know that because of YOU me going to Australia may be compromised? Something about how I'll be influenced. I love you, don't get me wrong. But if you get in my way, I will knock you down even if it means hurting myself in the process. Don't push me.