...

I got hit by a massive virus. Had to reformat twice. But that's not the point. I feel sick to the bone. Why is it that people who deserve so much get nothing but pain but the people who deserve jackshit get everything. Let it be known, I don't like you. I can't bring myself to like you or hate you. You are the least of my problems. I have bigger issues to deal with and there's no way in hell I'm telling you to let you gloat over it. At most you're only remotely annoying and not as undeserving. But still, I'm so pissed off that the nicest of people, the people who have everything to live for are just disappearing. And it kills me that I can't be there. It kills me that I'm not strong enough to even try. At most I'll sit and cry about it. Left, right, centre people are telling me to pray. I guess I can, but what I believe in is wavering. Don't get me wrong, I love God and my religion and I would never give that up. I just want to know why this is happening now. I just want to know what the big picture is because no matter how I look at it, I can't seem to find the tinest shard of benefit. It's amazing because on one hand, I'm immensely happy for Kenny. I mean the guy knows what is best for him and I'm glad that he's slowly finding himself. And yet here I am, I see what this concept of faith is, I was born into it and yet I somehow cannot trust it. Sad isn't it.

I love God.
I love my life.
But ultimately,
there is one thing I do not love.
And that, is you.

And I don't care if you're seeing this.

Luke: I'm sorry ok? I just have a lot of things to sort out.