tired, upset and fuckin scared

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Tan Jialing Melissa-Ann
Birthday:	6th December 1985
Birthplace:	Singapore
Current Location:	Singapore
Eye Color:	Dark Brown. Unless under direct sunlight at which it's light
Hair Color:	Dark brown. But with loads of light, tinged red
Height:	1.70m
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Too many things to list
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Crocs!
Your Weakness:	Being stuck in a prison of my own making
Your Fears:	Never getting out
Your Perfect Pizza:	OoOo Erm... Anchiovies, Olives, LOADS of meat :) Mushrooms Cheese Tomatoes...
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	You mean apart from the race against time to get my application processed?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	WTF
Thoughts First Waking Up:	go back to sleep
Your Best Physical Feature:	Er... Eyes?
Your Bedtime:	When I get sleepy
Your Most Missed Memory:	That first kiss
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Mac
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	They're both coffee -_-
Do you Smoke:	duh...
Do you Swear:	fuck!! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!! answer the question yet?
Do you Sing:	Ya
Do you Shower Daily:	Who doesn't?
Have you Been in Love:	I am in love :)
Do you want to go to College:	Dude, graduating
Do you want to get Married:	One day
Do you belive in yourself:	Not as much as I'd like
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:	I have my moods
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Pretty much
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love
Do you play an Instrument:	Yea, a couple
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Duh...
In the past month have you Smoked:	Duh...
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Nope :(
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yup
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes! MeL <3 Sushi
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yea
Ever been called a Tease:	Yup :P
Ever been Beaten up:	Nope
Ever Shoplifted:	Nope
How do you want to Die:	Really really quick and painless
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Happy
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy!!
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

You know... Talk is cheap. Let's see what comes next. I want to be there. I want to look and see why I can't have my cake and eat it. I want to look into your eyes and feel the pain. I want to see what you'd do knowing that it was a lie. I want you to look at me when you break my heart. And then leave as I try to pick up the pieces and pray that the damage won't make the healing impossible. Because guess what, one look at my face and everyone's going to know that there's something wrong.

So guess what. You think you know everything? You don't. It's not your concern. It's got a lot to do with you yes. But you're imposing on me. You are and you know it. You want it carried? Teach the one who ought to be carrying it. Because you know what? I was right all a long. There is only one problem and that problem is you.

When enough is enough

You really want to see what I'm made of don't you? You really want to try my patience. You're in for a ride. I may have a lot of patience but push me too far and you'll wish you'd never met me. Which in all honesty would be a sad day for the both of us.

I give up. I really do give up. Honestly, I really really give up. I can't handle having to deal with so many things at once and have the one person that I thought I could depend on just live in a whole different world oblivious to the kind of pain and ache I feel each and every day. To feel like I'm completely and utterly unimportant. Like I don't know any better, or I don't care. It's not like that. I don't want to give up but you know what, it's getting harder and harder each and every day.

I'm afraid. I'm close to freaking out. Because I don't think that I'll make it. Grades aside, I'm afraid that I've missed the deadlines. I don't know if I can handle it at this point. I'm supremely afraid that I won't be able to go back and get what needs to be done well... done.

Help me. Please. I really need this. Really really REALLY need this.