pulling ourselves together

6 hours and I will wake up. 6 hours and I will get ready. It's not over yet. I've still got a long way to go till it's over. Unfortunately. But I can't let go now can I? I'm tired, but I can't let go. I can't allow myself that luxury. I wonder what I would do if I had the choice to do anything in the world. Would I still be the same person I am now? Would I be capable of handling that kind of decision.

Right now, I would just like for things to be good. No more chaotic nonsense. No more looking for the kinks in the plan. No more worrying. Just good. Even for a little while. It's so... close to me. For a while, I can just relax. For a little while. A few hours each night. When I stop being aware of my thoughts. That is a nice thought. Yes, I know that's ironic.

I don't want to be this nice all the time. It's annoying. You get people walking all over you when you're too nice. When you're too giving. But I can't help but be nice can I? What's happening to me. Why can't I just be... free