round in circles

What happens when your dreams become more and more real? And what you dream about actually happens? What happens when you dream about something that can't possibly be real? What then? What happens when my dreams and my reality are in conflict. What happens when the idea has been planted in my head and I can't help but wonder if it's true. What happens when you start seeing things in other people that you never noticed before?

I'm not astonished at the situation at all. In fact I've known where I stand when it comes to this entire thing. Somehow that one single dream has made me really sit and think about it. I'm still a little confused about it all. I'm not entirely sure what to do at this point. I remember too much and yet at times, too little. It's hard to explain. And I can't say too much here can I?

There it is again. I find that chill creeping up and down my spine. As if I'm being watched. My every move. Each step I make, carefully added to a list of things that are innately me. Things that can and will be used against me. It's happening more often than it usually does. Strange coincidences. But of course I don't believe in coincidences anymore do I. I don't believe in chance or luck either. I believe in cause and effect. I don't like this feeling. I don't like being shut out. I don't like being robbed. My anger although dissolved has nothing to do with my mania. Or the fire that burns inside me to disrupt all that I will.

Is wanting to get things over and done with so wrong? I don't understand why all of you are still so worried. I'll live. It's what I do. I have no doubts there whatsoever. Have a little bit of faith in me at least. I am who I am after all. When have I not gotten out of a tight spot? Tell me? When has it been so bad that I remain scared till today? I haven't. It has not happened before and it will not happen at all. I don't buy that there's a first time for everything bullshit.

I will force this as and when I see fit. And you know what? I see fit to do it now.