of jealousy and spite. but most importantly, of love.

I'm thinking of... conspiracy theories. Theories that people come up with. They often contain the most farfetched ideas and yet they so adamantly believe in them. Conspiracy theories are obviously negative. And it's positive side? Now here's the interesting result I arrived at.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is hope. Why is it that some people seem to hope for the things that they know they can't have? Why do they build a story in their minds thinking that everything is going to be ok? And when they realise that it's not going to happen, they land up being extremely bitter about the entire situation. And the best part is they choose to be bitter to the ones that they hope and dream with or for. What's the point in that? Do they think that in attempting to spite the ones they care/d about, revenge has been dealt and they are now able to move on? I don't think so. Revenge is in itself not fulfilling. It does not of us any good. in fact, I think that revenge makes you feel even worse about yourself because ultimately you've brought yourself down to the same level as the ones who've hurt you in the first place.

I also wonder, why people do the things they do even though they know it hurts others. For example, I know that my getting irritated with those that genuinely care about me not only just hurts me but it hurts them too. I know that getting too close to people only to have to leave them behind hurts like mad. And yet I still do it. I still love. And I am loved in return. It's a magical and beautiful feeling. This is what being home makes me feel like. I might not meet up with everybody and I may meet up with a select few over the others. But I know that because there are so many people around me who love me, I am safe here. No harm can come to me on my own turf right? Wrong.

I suppose that there are something that I wish could have turned out differently. But I do not wish to turn back time and redo events. There is no guarantee that things will turn out the way I want them to. Heck, chances are they won't. And I'm not being pessimistic about it for your information. I'm being realistic. Perfection is the imperfection. It makes things unique. It makes you remember people, places and the things that you did. It reflects in your eyes. Your past, present and your hopes for the future.

I know that I can't stay here like this forever no matter how much I want. I know I can't watch you sleep and just smile like I did yesterday. But it's ok. Because that memory is permanently etched in my mind along with the first time we got drunk together. But that's what makes it all the more special. That it's not something that I can have. Every moment I spend without you so far away is another moment that I think about you and wondering what you're doing. Every moment that I smile, I remember you. And every moment that I cry I wish I were in your arms where you would comfort me and make everything ok again. I am so happy for you. This is getting increasingly difficult. Because I know that it can't be like this forever.

There is no rewind button to life. So my logic is to live each day as though it was your last. Tell the people you love that you love them. Not literally. But in the little things that you do. That surprising phone call after ages of not talking.

We both hate long good byes, And we hate it when people jump to even the slightest conclusions of what we are. The next song that I write, will be a song for you. It will be a thoughtful one. One that can apply to anybody. One that I will never forget. One song that symbolises us may be superfluous but it does not matter. Because this one song will be the one song that will encompass my most treasured memories. It will be the one that I will let you hear. It will be the one that I will hold closest to my heart. I love you.