do you know the truth?

Despite the pep talks and all the cheer me ups and the ideas and options I can't seem to psych myself to do what I must. I feel like I'm on a slippery slope without anything to hang on. It's hard and it's difficult. I know that I'm happy. But everything still rests at the back of my head. I haven't yet let it out and I don't quite know how. I was suicidal. Maniacal, psychotic and all that before. And now, the pain of it all haunts me but it reminds me that I'm still alive.

I'm not entirely sure where to start to express what I'm thinking. It's like no words can explain this surge of thoughts and emotions. I'm struggling to type out words that actually make sense and keep to one emotion at a time. But even that is a lost cause. It's scary that I can't seem to deal with myself when all my facets seem to want to show themselves at once. However there's one song that explains it all. Ok, a few songs. Two that I care enough to mention. One would be my extended edited version of Girl in the Window. That one I've not shown or let anyone hear. And the other, is Look into my Eyes by Outlandish.

After all, I'm just me.