stranded

It's funny how things don't work out the way you thought they would. It's funny when things just twist and leave you lost for words. It's worse when you figure out that you can't seem to calm down or make sense of exactly what you're feeling or what your thoughts mean. Or what you were thinking at the time because in all reality, you knew but you were in denial.

And so I sit here, stoned as hell. From the lack of sleep, tired as I can ever be. I know how my dreams are slowly seeping into my reality but I don't want these dreams to come true. I don't want to deal with it. I can't. There's so much happening now that I don't want to have to worry or care.

What breaks me apart is, I'm better off staying in Melbourne instead of going home. I was planning on going home. And now... It'll be worse if I do. It's like I have no escape. Everywhere I turn, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, something or other just has to happen. Something stupid will come along and fuck everything up.

I'm so damned tired of having to deal with problem after problem. I don't know how much more of all this I can take. I really don't want to be here now. I really have no more energy. I don't want to run away. I just want to make things right. And yet I can't face my problems. I can't. I won't. I've got so much to worry about already, I don't need anymore of this. I just wish.... No. I don't. I can't. No. No no no!

Baph, I need you.