I mourn for things I cannot understand. I grieve for those who have none. And for those who have everything they need and pray for the things they want, I offer them peace of mind. And as for myself, I ask for nothing because I have the only thing I really need. My faith.

It's been a long time since I've really prayed. As in REALLY wanted to pray. It's comforting in a strange way. More comforting to me now than it has ever been. And I find that I cannot ask for more. And if there should be one thing that I would ask for is strength to carry out that which must be done. Even though I have no knowledge of exactly what it is, I pray that when the times comes, my faith will not falter and God's strength will flow through me.

I know it sounds strange to you when I start talking like this. I don't know why I am but it gives me solace. It makes me serene. I want to discard my anger, hate and pain and move on to things that I can do. Things that I have to do. And yes, things that I want to do.

Someone asked me how I was and I said I was ok. I'm not good nor am I bad. I'm ok. And automatically this went into a discussion about a supposed guy that I apparently broke up with. I'd like to make it very clear now that there is no guy. None, nada, zip. Non-existant. I don't have one. I'm not saying that I need one or I want one. It would be nice but at this point I don't see any reason for it. It would be nice to have someone to call and talk to whenever and wherever but that's all it would be. Nice. Not necessary. Just nice.

I would like to be able to calm myself. I would like to erase this edgy feeling that engulfs me. It reeks and it suffocates me. I will have no part in it.