considering the possibility is a waste of my time. and yet i find myself considering it all the same. maybe daddy was right.

How can you say you love someone and then tell them you don't want to be with them? And just as quickly, decide that you do? Does any of this make any sense to you at all? Sure, I've broken up with people that I love. And of course if it's to make them choose between you and someone else, then it's a different story. Fine. Maybe it isn't. Maybe the fact that you had to do something that drastic to make them choose is in itself a big enough factor to get stop seeing him/her/whatever. Perhaps things aren't as simple as I thought they were. But isn't it supposed to be? I know that love itself has millions of grey areas but ultimately there are some things that just make it simple. It's either the 2 of you or nothing at all. Cutting friendship aside that is. Friendship. Being friends with the one you're going out with. I used to think it to be important. Now... Now I don't. Who says you've got to be friends first? That's just a minor technicality. But what counts is that you have trust. And where does this trust come from? How can you trust someone you barely know? Maybe that's why the first couple of months is all happy happy. Because there is no reason to distrust. And the problem with me is - paranoia for starters. But more importantly, is I trust people too easily. Just as easily as I distrust them. The minute I get thrown into paranoia, I stop trusting. It's that clear to me. It's not that I don't want to work at the relationship. I don't believe that I should have to fight with thousands of other women. Aren't I special enough? I may not be gorgeous or without my flaws, but if there has to be a decision to choose, then why am I wasting my time.