life's trials lead to peace and the love of those who care

No dial tone? Probably the reception being a bitch again. I was sleeping actually. I've not been clubbing. More just hanging out. My bed time has gotten earlier and earlier. I lack energy to be out. Hah...

I know the whole mental break down thing yesterday was pretty much uncalled for. But hey. It was just one of those days. Consoling people really isn't my forte now is it? Makes me remember all the shit I went through. And that really isn't good at all. But I'm ok. I'll be fine. My body is still half here and half there so I can't do much. So as my mind deteriorates, the rest of my body just watches, unable to do anything. I don't understand how or why I've become like this. But this isn't the time to worry about that is it? I'm tired. Exhausted. Need to sleep more but it's almost 12 already and I should be awake.

I'm worried about a lot of things. I'm afraid of many. Even though I know I can't afford to be. I miss my boys. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I don't like being without them. I hate the fact that I have to be to secure a future for myself. Perhaps I should have stuck with Singapore and NUS. Perhaps I should have but I didn't. But there're still places that I can call my own. There're still places that I can safely say I belong to. This place is one of them but I don't like to call Melbourne home. When I was in Singapore countless friends here kept asking me when I was coming home. Have they taken this foreign land to be their new homes the way I see Sin Ming Avenue as mine? The scarey thing is I missed it here when I was back. And now I can't wait to get home so much so that I just want to haphazardly complete my work just so that I'll scrape through and never have to look back on it. Sad isn't it? *sigh*

I suppose the reason why I'm like this is that I miss the people I love. I miss them all. Hell, I miss the huge mess that's waiting for me. Just for me. Ok fine the mess this time wasn't my doing but hey, it's a part of me now and nobody has any kind of right to take it away from me. But I miss him, I miss them. I miss everyone. I love you guys. And how you all are always there for me. I wish I could do the same for you. But this is life. This is the way it's supposed to be. We all have to go through it at one point or another.