with each breath

The other day I was in Orchard. This was a while back mind you, I saw someone that I knew. And then the thought of saying hi just crossed my mind. I haven't spoken to her in ages. In fact, I had nothing to say. So I didn't say hi. I just smiled to myself.

Years down the road, we meet people, we befriend them and sooner rather than later, you lose contact for whatever reason. Maybe you fell out, maybe you just stopped calling. There are a lot of scenarios I could give. But here's the thing, how long do friendships really last. Are they as tiring as people make them out to be? Is it so hard to forgive people for what they've done to you? I don't think it is. I think it's childish to bear a grudge. Even if you don't agree that it's childish, don't you find it tiring to sit and brood or be angry over something that may or may not have happened? How many times have people fallen out because of speculation?

Now there's the point I'm trying to get at. Speculation. It's a killer. It makes you paranoid, you over think things and then they get out of hand. What's the point in that? Tell me. It's doesn't even have to be about conflict. Why is it that we build up these ridiculous expectations for ourselves that we know on some level we can never achieve? Many like to say reach as high as you can because just in case you don't make it, you'll find a way to be happy. What rubbish. Why settle for second best. Why bother? Do what you need, get what you need and if you fail, life still goes on right? Sometimes what you want and what you need are completely different things.

It is my philosophy to not have to answer to anyone but yourself. You don't owe anyone or anything an explanation. You don't need to validate your actions as long as you can live with them. It's those that can't that question and get paranoid I think.

Be all that you can be. Try as hard as you possibly can. But only do these things if you really want to. Don't run around doing things for other people because if you're looking for praise, at the end of the day, it won't be enough. No amount of thanks will be enough because of the expectations you set for yourself. Your own standards. And one more thing, remember the things you say to other people can hurt them too. You aren't perfect.

And so I shall say this to you, when you say that you don't want to keep in contact it doesn't mean that I want to. Don't forget that you're the one who said it not me. Don't forget that the choices you make affect others. And the pain you suffer is over rated.