choices we make

Strength eh? Confidence huh. Resolve, will, it all sounds like one big test to me. Must I subject myself to it? Or have I already done so? Well, why not. I will be ok. I'll live to tell the tale. I'll find some way or other to pull through. It's what I do. It's how I function. It is how I choose to live.

You know it occurred to me that if I were to have to change who I am to have what I want then what's the point. If I change slowly out of my own purpose then fine. But still, I do not see myself changing so much. I'm slowly eroding away all the parts about myself that I no longer need.

Think about it, do people really need to be angry? Not really. Anger is just something that a lot of people use to mask their fears and their pain. That's what I think. So if at the end of the day I find that it's just an emotion that I can do without. Anger brings out the side of myself that is otherwise very passive. Anger allows me to do the things that I will live to regret.

So what then at the end of day? What then would I become? Any less human? Perhaps. But you know what, I will be happy. I will make sure that my choices will keep those I love safe and if it is possible to make them happy, I will. That's always been what I wanted right? But in doing so, can I really be happy? Should I be selfish and make something out of myself or should I be selfless. It still bothers me that question.

Being told that I'm going to live till a ripe old age wasn't the best of answers that I could have hoped for. I don't quite like the idea of dying all old and wrinkly. I don't like the idea of having to wait and wait and wait. I'm impatient that way. Stubborn as hell. I've been called a great deal of things by many people. Most of whom know absolutely nothing about me at all. Most of whom profess to know me when they only know one side of me. People always see what they want to see. There are very few who just see without judgement.

Because I hate wasting time, I am not waiting. I refuse to wait. I will take things into my own hands without fear and without doubt. After all, a friend of mine told me something that I had long forgotten. Love is never wrong. It's peoples' misconstrued perception of love that destroys the simplicity of it.

My friends, my loves, the choice is yours to make. I understand it's hard. Whichever you choose, I would not love you any less than I already do. I am who I am and I am what I am.

Again I dare you. Show yourself. If you have a score to settle than let's settle it right now. I am not afraid. After all, your ways are under the table aren't they. You plant in people doubt. You allow it to manifest and then you plant the idea that they have lost everything when in actuality they have lost nothing. I know your ways. You cannot harm me anymore. I know you.