these dreams, this reality

When you dream a dream of bright light and wings, you know that it's a good dream.

When you dream a dream in a language that you recognise but do not understand, you know that you're searching for answers.

When you live a life where you do not recognise yourself, you know that you're not happy.

But when your dream becomes your reality, you know. You know that in some way, you'll be ok.

My life and my dreams are beginning to merge. Call me crazy but I'm beginning to see things in the mirror. See things that I otherwise would have never cared about. It's scary and yet lovely. I cannot begin to understand my feelings or my thoughts. I do not understand why I care about people so strongly when I do not know them. I do not see why I find a need to make people smile even when it kills me inside.

I do not know. I do not know why I bend backwards. I do not know why every time I sit by myself all I can do is try not to cry. I do not know why I am the way I am. I do not understand why out of no where I smell something so familiar but realise it's not possible for that smell to exist in this moment. Why is it that I still cannot figure out what it is that I really want until it's almost taken away from me.

What kind of monster have I become?