all the world is waiting for the sun

I'm taking a break from the lap report. I was talking to many people today. And it just struck me when Rain by Breaking Benjamin played on iTunes. The one stanza that stood out from the rest:

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion of
A heard to wrap around so I can find my way around

Have I been so broken that I was ready to jump into the first thing that had any semblance of security? Is that why I'm not as affected as I thought I would be? Is that why I can't really find the anger? Or is it just because I've lost the will to fight and argue? Have I really become apathetic or have I just become ridiculously selfish?

Right now? I have a real one staring at me right in the face and yet I'm not jumping on board. I have the fun I have the serious I have everything. And yet I find myself just not getting on either boat. Is is really that bad? It can't be that scary. I've been there before. Really. Because the more I think about it, the more I understand why things happened the way they did. And why it is that people want what they can't have. It's the challenge that they love. Not the love. The challenge. To have what they should not have.

I wonder if no one bothered me about smoking, would I have started in the first place. Would I still be smoking. Interesting isn't it? Well, I don't have much time to ponder on that. I have 2 hours to finish my lab report. By the way, did I mention that it's about sexual and emotional infidelity? Hehehehe!