i can't sell my soul twice now can i?

Oh am I fooling you?
Do you fall for it all
Or do you just see right through?
Are you as cool as you believe?
Are you playing hard?
Are you waiting just to quietly clock my card?
Are you waiting for a moment to leave?

Sure as hell feels like it doesn't it? That I fooled you, I fooled myself. I keep on fooling people around me. But let's face it, no one else knows me the way you do. No one knows you the way I do. It's hard to explain because in a weird way we're so alike in out immaturity. And within that same concept, the maturity is another situation altogether is it not? Sometimes you remind me of a child that must have its way and yet at others it's like you're a go with the flow person.

I don't know how I bent what you said
To what I believe you meant
I don't know anything at all
I'm standing in the push and shove
And I'm just within the rescue
Of the labour of your love
I can't do anything but fall
A fall, a fall fall fall
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I'm the only survivor
Why am I thinking of...
You and me and the labour of love?

At the time I knew what you meant and you knew what I meant. Or so I thought. I can't seem to understand why. Or perhaps I do and I just don't want to believe it to be true. It's just like Saf said, you would've thought I'd learn by now. But apparently, I still fall into the same old trap over and over and over.

One chance, one shot
That's all anybody ever got
New born still warm
Naked in the rush hour dancing in my gutter
And if you want to find me
Call me, I'll be far from
The cars and guitars and
Everybody
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I'm the only survivor?
Why am I thinking of
You and me and the labour of love?

I've had more chances and shots than I can remember. I feel invisible. Unseen and unseeing. I used to look at my world through rose tinted glasses. I'm not that impossible to reach. It just looks that way. It's how I am. But heck, we all know that don't we. And quite honestly speaking, I'm never far from the cars or guitars. Everybody, yes. But not the cars or the guitars. Never the guitars. You are another story altogether though, it's so hard to get through to you. You're just so out of reach to me.

And I never knew before
But I feel like a child in a cold, cold war
So strong, so tough
Sitting in suburbia, waiting for the wind up
And I don't want to dance
I just want to jump from the prison of circumstance
Why am I thinking of
You and me and the labour of love?
Why do I feel like I can never find you?
Why do I feel like I'm the only survivor?
why am I thinking of
You and me and the labour of love?

And at the end of the day, this liberation has put me back in a prison cell. I'm still a victim of horrid timing and even worse circumstance. I know what this is. It is nothing. It can never be something because it's something that in an essence we don't quite want. And yet I still find myself thinking of... Well, you know.

I just got back from class. Yes yes I know I still have that assignment that's sooner rather than later going to completely seal my doom. But I can't help but think of my Psych assignment. It turns out that yes, although women worry about emotional infidelity, sexual infidelity bothers us more. Haha. So it seems that the data is a little off isn't it? Considering last year's experiment. Whereas men find sexual infidelity more distressing. But when it comes to emotional, they're in the middle. How strange is that. I suppose it's instinct. I wouldn't really know, I'm not a guy. I can't read people the way I used to.

People keep telling me I'm very transparent. I have news for you. Just because you know my music or what I'm talking about, doesn't mean that you know me. So quit fooling yourself.

I want you to know something. Your words are like whispers in the wind. Whispers that are barely heard by me. Your questions are so trivial and you make the most important things sound like such a simple decision. I'm not like that. I cannot be like that. It's just not me. Honestly do you really think I'm that simplistic? Asking me those kinds of questions or insinuating the kinds of things that you do is not helping you one bit. Such suggestive thoughts are not the way to get to me. At most you're irritating the bloody daylights out of me. I keep trying to subtly hint to you that your values and mine are far too different. We can't run away from them forever you know. It's never that easy. I won't run. I will never run from things that are that important to me.

You don't do the little things that do matter. In fact, you don't do the big things either. We have near nothing in common. I'm nothing more to you than just another face on your wall. And you... you left a mark on me. It's not something that is so easily forgotten. I think I prevented that scar from healing because I never want to forget the things that have ever happened to me. I don't want to forget the pain that I've been through. You remind me of the man that I used to love. Now he did the little things. He did everything that I could ask for. Things that made it possible for me to overlook the flaws. Until one day he did something that I couldn't forgive. He did the same thing that you did. And somehow, I found it in myself to forgive you and I couldn't forgive him. to this day I cannot. We talk, we're friends, we're close. We pretend that it's resolved when it never was.

The one thing that I never can forget is the fact that you said I broke your heart. But you don't realise that you aren't the only one who was broken. You didn't realise what I was thinking. You didn't see why I couldn't. You're a little selfish that way aren't you. But that's just the way you are. That's just the way things aren't they? I could go on forever. I really could. But it's becoming too hard. I can't do this anymore.