Well... it looks like I'm about to break another one of my promises to myself as it were. I spoke to my brother earlier. I miss him dearly. How much more of this torture my mind can endure has an answer that has eluded my for far too long. I have to I suppose. For his sake if not my own. My love for him is infinite. I cannot find it in me to allow him to suffer and yet he is much older than I.

The amount of things that I've done in so little time is ludicrous. I never thought that I would have had so much on my mind this early into the semester. The things I have said, the things I have done, ridiculous. Embarrassment is an understatement. But still I have no other choice but to hold my head up high. It is who I am is it not? I must endure.

So to I will live. So to I will breathe. And so to, I will take back that which is mine. You cannot presume to have robbed me of that which is not yours to rob. My life is my own. My soul is my own. My heart is my own. There are a far deal of greater things that trouble me than one person could. Or so I believe. And yet I still find it so difficult to rid my mind of these thoughts.

Living this life is but a dream. Living in reality is nothing but fantasy. Can you understand what I am saying when you read out those two sentences to yourself? I think perhaps not. That is so, because you do not know me. You cannot know me because you will forever see that which you wish to see. You do not know what kind of a person I am or how serious I can be or what happens when fury takes over. None of you do. All that you can fathom is flying fists, bottles, cups and even cell phones. Needless to say that I have become far too much of a different person than the child that you remember. And with this I break yet another vow unto myself. I would be very cautious if I were you.

I do not seek that which I wish to hear. I seek the truth. Not in an absolution but the truth nonetheless. I do not take kindly to anything false. It will be your own undoing if that is the path you choose to follow, not mine. We each have choices to make, roads to follow, people to see, to love and to hate. Do you choose your own destiny or are you subjected to coincidence? I do not believe in coincidence or chance. Every immeasurable thing happens for a reason and that is what I am going to find out. And God help you if you stand in my way.