someone, please... save me

I just got back. To my shitty pseudo living space. I don't think anyone understood what I said when I said I wanted to go home. I don't think anyone understood me at all. For the record, I'm NOT upset. And I'm not depressed. I'm fine. I just miss home. My real home. Where my real life is. The girl that lives in Melbourne is just a part of me. And few understand what it's like when I'm home. Where it matters. Where it really counts.

I guess it's important that I'm here. I've gone and added so much pressure on to myself it's not funny. I care about people too much. I care about people that matter but the one thing that gets me is that I care about those that don't as well.

Einstein's was.... boring. I was going to walk back alone but Dustin pulled me back haha. Dustin and Daniel. (I'm sorry Luke, I know I promised but I just... well... you know) I just... didn't feel like alcohol was going to take away the things that are on my mind. I just don't think that... well... Yea. I'm alright. Really I am. I just have to make a decision. And it's not an easy one. And I know I've put it off for far too long. Nearly 5 years to be exact. And I realise that it's the one thing that keeping me from what is mine. And I know that a lot of you will be sceptical about it. But just like Jada told me. You're my best friends. If you won't believe me, than who will? Who else am I going to be able to run to? Who else?

Jon, you know don't you? You've felt it haven't you? I... I have to do this. You know I must. I love you very much. And I realise that my decision will affect things. And things aren't ever going to be the same again but it has to be done. For all of us. I'm sorry. I hope you understand. I hope you know that I love you very much too. In fact, I'm going to call. It's still early in Singapore. I just hope you're there.