Who am I? I don't recognise the girl in the mirror anymore. Who is this person staring back at me? Can it really be me? Have I changed that much? I do know that when I first cut my hair I looked completely different but this time it's a little strange. I see hell in my eyes. It's weird.

I have come to realise that I am not the beautiful person I am on the inside. I know that I am flawed and I have many faults. But I'm at least grateful that I still have people that care about me. And I know it might take a while for me to really be the person that you all can be proud of but you know me. I've not anything worth recognition. And I'm not even trying. I know I know, I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that maybe I should.

My life is still in limbo at the moment. I still don't quite know what I want or how to get it. It's going to take quite a bit of time I think. I'm sick of answering questions to things that I have no real answer for. I mean, if I just feel tired, then I feel tired. There's no two ways about it is there? Sometimes I think that I ask for trouble. I'm the trouble tape. As opposed to fly tape or whatever it is it's supposed to be called.

As it turns out I'm relatively moody today. I keep getting asked very STUPID questions. I know you're concerned, really I do. But sometimes I really don't know how to answer your questions and it gets annoying. Really mom I love you and all but it's just one of those days. Entire body is feeling irritable. Perhaps it's because I'm trying so damned hard to alleviate tension when sometimes it's not even worth it. I'm just too proud sometimes and when I give in... It just makes me look like I don't give a damn when in actual fact, I care so much that I don't want to fight.

I'm trying so hard to be nice. I'm trying very hard not to get involved. I'm trying. But I don't know what I should be doing. My mind is so scattered right now. I don't want things to have to be this pressurising. Let's face it, I make them pressurising don't I? I'm so totally doing this to myself. Sometimes I think I care too much. And sometimes I think that it's not worth it at all.

I think... That this 'independence' has made me even more dependent on others. I need to get out there and do things. I need to make something of myself. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I just need to be... well... me.