I just had a very amusing conversation about jealousy. It's understandable that you're jealous of your girlfriends ex's. But dude, really, you spend so much time with her she doesn't have any other time away from you. Sometimes people do need space. I'd like to think that what I said might have helped but I doubt it. Coz all we said was, yea Mel what do you know. You've not been in a serious relationship in such a long time. And even then, what more do you know about jealousy.

Well, because you're still a 'friend' (even though you're seriously pushing it now), I'll tell you and the rest of the people who care to read. I have been jealous. I've had people think that their boyfriends are cheating on them with me even when I'm completely harmless. I've had my closest friends question me. So what do you think? Do you think that I don't know? Do you want to know why I've not been with someone in a while? I'll fucking tell you why, because I don't want to. Sure sometimes I think it would be NICE to be in love and all that jazz but for God's sakes, I DON'T WANT IT. Nor do I need it.

If you think I've never felt insecure then you really don't know me at all now do you? No, you don't know me as well as you'd like to believe.

Will you tell me what exactly have I done wrong? I didn't steal my friends' boyfriends nor have I ever had the intention or thought of it! I was truthful in everything that I said to you. Not once have I ever lied or even have a reason to. And your undying faith in me is so refreshing. But let me tell you this, if you want to talk, then talk. If you are going to make assumptions and accusations then don't even bother. Coz as much as I value this friendship, I will not tolerate you insulting me or my friends or even my ex-boyfriends.

But I'll say this. At least you had the guts to come out and tell me why you were miffed at me. Even though I didn't do anything, at least you came out and told me as opposed to pretending to be my friend when deep down you can't stand me.

I wish my thoughts could be heard. I wish I had the courage to say the things that I mean. Because in reality, I can't. I'm going out of my way not to hurt people. I'm going against every thing I stand for to keep to myself. It's quite uncharacteristic of me isn't it? It's not the first time. In fact I hate having to be this way. But... this time it's going to be very different. I will not be played and I will not be toyed. So yea, now do you have something to say to me? Or are you going to play that card all over again?