Must everything be so dark and depressing? Must people be so melodramatic? I suppose once upon a time I was like that too. I grew out of it I supposed. I can still be little miss emo now and then but I've lost patience with it.

Let's face it. I'm not you're average 20-year old. I see things differently from almost everybody I know. I get paranoid and I back off too easily. It's not a bad thing. It's a precaution that's kept me going for quite a while now. I'm happy being the way I am. I'm happy in my depression and my sadness. How many people can say that? It sounds like I'm confused as to what exactly I am. I assure you I'm not. It's not my fault that you don't understand what it's like to live in my world. It's no fucking walk in the park. No amount of rose tinted sunglasses are going to help you either.

I feel sorry for the confused people who really don't know what they want. They stumble through life walking blindly, bumping into inanimate things while slowly but surely, their very being fades away. And who's to say what's going to stop that from happening. In the next few years it just keeps adding up until they either drive themselves up the wall or something shocks them into realising that no one's going to save them. No one can save them. They have to figure that out on their own don't they? That's what makes it all so interesting. That's what makes it all too funny don't you think?

It used to be fun to watch things crumble. But now... knowing fully well that they are, am I supposed to just sit by and watch? Can I just wait till they destroy themselves? What kind of a person would I be then. Half the world thinks I'm evil and the rest of them think it's just a mask. Let's put it this way, I wear no mask. You get what you see. I'm not about to step in a shake people till they see what's going on. It's not my fault that they want to live a lie. It's got nothing to do with me. Don't you see? You create your own mess. There's always a way out. It's just a matter of finding it. Some of us just have it harder than the rest. But where's the fun in life if every thing's just spoon fed? It takes away the challenge. What's going to happen to you when you've exhausted all your resources and there's no one to leech onto?

So, what do you want to do now? Live the lie or live the dream? I read somewhere a long time ago that the dream is the reality. You can make your dreams a reality and reality your dream. So are you feeling lucky yet? Or is the self doubt still tearing away pieces of yourself? I'm not saying you shouldn't let it. Sometimes there are things about people that are better left unsaid. And at others, they ought to be screamed. But that's why I've got my music right? I don't really give a fuck if people think it sounds trashy or all ballady. In my opinion, none of them are like that. They just mirror different parts of my at different times. And if those I call friends seem to think that they're stupid or even try to use them against me in any way, then they really aren't my friends are they?

I'm not perfect. I never want to be perfect. I just want to be me. And I already am. So what's it to the rest of you? If you don't like it, you don't have to talk to me. You don't have to shout at me. Hell, I think we'd all be better off if you could just forget me. It's not in my nature to forget people. I never forget the things people do to me or say to me. More often than not, I used to remember all the bad stuff. The things that hurt. And the things that drove me to the edge. But now it's a little different. I remember the good times. I remember the smiles and the tranquility. I remember the amount of rest and peace I had.

By the way, I'm through looking for peace. I have no interest in looking for things that are short lived. You could say I've had enough of searching. For now at least. I think it's in my best interest to let things come to me from now on instead of going to them. It always works out better that way.

And for the record, I'm happy. I've not been this happy in a long time. And I'm going to stay this way for as long as I can.