Someone new. Someone to talk to. Someone I think I can trust. Someone who on some level... I think trusts me too. Someone who knows I'm afraid. Someone who's realistic. Someone who gives a damn. Someone who barely knows me.

But most importantly, someone who cares.

It's not that hard is it? To find this someone? It can't be impossible can it? I'm a different. I'm not the same. I'm changing all the time. I can't help it. It's only natural to me and I can't stop it. Why do anything else but embrace it? I have no choice right? Absorb it and make do. That is that.

No more tears. I refuse to let something as trivial as that affect me. After so much deception I can finally see the real truth as to what's going on. I'm not going to lie and say that everything's ok. It's not quite there. But it's one small step closer to it. But, there's still much to be done. I'm not through fighting. Not yet.

3 weeks left. How much can I do in just 20 days? It's not a lot of time. But... It's all I have. And after that, who knows. It's going to hurt like hell all over again. I don't want to be perfect. More like I know I don't need to be. Don't tell me I can't do it. Don't tell me you think it's not worth it because to me it is. It means more to me than anything in the world because for that one moment I felt completely invincible. A split second later it disappeared. But hey, I live. I'll carry on living. Fight with me all you like. If this is the way things are supposed to be then so be it. I'm not going to give up that easily. It's not something that I can do. And I don't think it's something that you want me to do. All this is only going to make me a stronger person. And I'll be damned if at the end of it all I don't make it.