someone else, by yourself

You never really see what you've got until it's being taken away or goes away or any idea along the lines of away. Far, far FAR away. It's been bothering me for the longest time.

Even so, my worries are somewhat not needed. I don't need to worry but I do all the same. I guess I haven't really changed much after all.

This has been yet another day. Yet another *insert relatively high number here* hours that I haven't been able to get proper sleep. I better though. I'm going to need all the strength and energy I need if I want to have the best time this weekend.

My brother surprised me with a trip to Bintan. He just got me the ticket, paid for the accommodations and everything. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet weekend without anyone bothering me.

Apart from that, one really good thing happened this week. I've been hanging out more and more with my dad. And I realise that despite our differences, I really do like spending time with him. It's just a little difficult when mom's around. It's not a bad thing but sometimes I can't help but feel very torn between the two. The thing that makes it all work though is Adam. When he's around he just makes everything good and happy. He's the sweetest kid in the world and he's got that kind of effect on me. It's kinda like I want to change and shape the world around him so that he'll be happier, better and braver. No one should have to face this world alone and I don't intend to let him take one step feeling like there isn't anyone there to hold his hand. The way I used to think I felt. (FYI, I was wrong.)

There may be a lot of things that I don't like about myself that others may like. I may feel insecure and ridiculously paranoid about what and who I am but I get the feeling that it works out.

Sometimes you think that the world and all that is going against you but in actuality the only thing that's going against you is you yourself.

I love you.