No more games. No more nice Mel. I know I'm normally the what you see if what you get kinda girl but... I think it's a well known fact that I still have my soft spots for people now don't I. I've had more than enough of all this shit. And as hard as it's gonna be for me to stick by this, I am going to do whatever is in my best interests. Even if it means giving up on you. But let's face it, you haven't exactly inspired the best of confidence in me have you. I don't like people bullshitting me. And I certainly don't like people who think that they can take me for granted. So. This is one last chance. You have 24 hours starting now. The clock's ticking and you know what? I don't care anymore.

RIGHT! Who am I trying to kid? My patience fluctuates far too much where you're concerned. It's painfully annoying. You irritate me so much sometimes and yet at others you're the one that paints a smile on my face. We're a little odd. I like that sudden spark of honesty that you put on the table. I appreciate it. Coz when it comes down to the crunch, it's just like my lover said "We are very much alike you and I, I and you, Us"

So what pray tell is going to happen now? The ball's in your court again. In fact, it's been collecting dust for quite a while now hasn't it?

I watched this movie called "Only You" today. Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr circa 1994. Not too shabby I'd say. It's your average sappy kinda guy gets girl kinda movie. A little stupid but in a strange way, it makes a twisted sense.

The housemates outside are watching Swingers. I however am not in a mood for another sappy flick. Can you blame me really? Heh... I'd rather scare myself silly by watching.. Oh I don't know... Thir13en Ghosts. I'm strange that way aren't I? I remember watching that in the movies with my brother. It was the only movie that we watched in the theatre just the two of us.

Adam received the package today. He was ecstatic. Or so he sounded over the phone. I miss home and I miss the lack of irritation or complications. Well, there is irritation and of course there is complication. But still... It's home. Honestly, there would only be one thing that I'd want to take with me from Melbourne apart from the weather. But that guys, is a bloody impossibility. Heh.

When did I become so... struck? No I can't say that word. I can't bring myself to imagine or even type it. I don't want to keep my hopes that high up only to have them crash. I had my chance and... I blew it. Quite honestly I have my secrets but I don't like the idea of having to lie to people about something like this either. I somehow... Want to run away again. I don't like this feeling, I don't like these thoughts. I loathe it in fact.

Now there's a movie that I wouldn't mind watching right about now. Sappy, yes. But it has an amazing soundtrack not to mention brilliant acting and interpretations. It's sappy but not in a patronising way like all those other sappy movies like Titanic for example. Now that... It was good for a one time kinda show. But needless to say the hype was much more than the movie itself deserved.

Thinking of these things makes my mind wander right back to the one thing that's on my mind almost everyday now. I wonder who I'd want to see if I were down to one last breathe. If I had that choice who would I want to hold my hand for the last time that blood still flows through my veins? Well if it's gonna happen soon, squeeze my hands for all you're worth. The pain reminds me that I'm not quite done with this place yet. I mean, is dying really such a bad thing? I was talking to a couple of people on... erm... Friday? Yea. We spoke of hell. A place that I somehow see myself stumbling down to. If you're a Southern Baptist than no matter what I do, I'm going straight to hell anyways. The devil's child with red nails and a cigarette to her lip. Ears infused with guitar melodies and a penchant for all things that are bad for me. What else is new eh?

I'm still lying on this plane with everything you've said playing over and over in my head. I know you didn't mean half the things you've said to me. I can't help but doubt it because I can't find it me to trust you. I want to. I really do but you're gonna have to do a lot more than that to regain my trust. Well... I suppose karma has a weird way of sneaking up on people doesn't it? Well, it's hanging around me now. It's only a matter of time. But... If I could, I wouldn't let it take you. I'd rather suffer in your place. Wow, how gallant and chivalrous of me. -_- But I know you know and you know I know. Denial's for losers. Do you really want to brand yourself with that?

So just like that. Bang BANG. He wore black and I wore white? Opposite much? Heh. Seasons came and changed the time. When I grew up... I knew. In fact you told me that didn't you. Come to think of it. That way why you told me all those things because you knew me. Or at least you thought you did. I still get people to do things for me. But this time, I might just have to take the pleasure of getting things done all by myself. But trust me when I say it'll hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you. I'm nice like that. Yes. The nice little girl that people keep on walking all over.

I'd still like to believe that Melbourne is where I can start fresh. Whole new me. Or better yet, let's bring the old me back. The real me. But then again backtracking is not me at all is it? Whatever man...

Songs of the moment.... Blessed Union of Souls, Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me). God... this used to be my bloody theme song way back when. This and LFO's Girl on TV. But back to that song, do you honestly think I care that much about all that stuff? I'm not as materialistic as you think I am. If I wanted my own stuff I'd get it. Don't you dare think that I'm only after all your stuff. Honestly. I might like it but I can totally live without it.

Almost Another Day.