I am in the midst of watching The Last Emperor. No, I do not like it. No, I am not enjoying it as it is still playing. And yet I see fit for myself to finish it. I did enjoy the beginning.

I do not like it. I do not like it one bit. It makes me sick to see that such people have had existed. On some level I feel pity for the last emperor.

All this has made me quite grateful that I live in an era where democracy or pseudo democracy, or whatever you wish to call it. If I had lived then, I would have taken my life from the shame. But then again, I would still be Singaporean. That or my birth certificate would have been Bristish.

All this and yet I still complain of the life I live today. I am untroubled by everything except two things, one person and the life of a student. Both of which I begin to understand work hand in hand. Gone are the days where I lived carefree. There are many things now that I must be concerned with. It is my gift and yet it is my curse.

When will I find the peace of mind that I long for? When I have managed to cast my worries and responsibilities aside? Or when I begin to live the life of a robot? I am a person. Such things trouble me. I refuse to surrender myself to causes that are not mine to follow. The pain I feel is the only reminder that I am alive. It is the only thing that keeps me breathing. I do not like it but it is all that I have left.

What happens when life is forsaken an love cast away? I feel more sick now that I have before.