I know I said I didn't have much to say. That was partially wrong. I do have a lot to say. It's just that I don't quite know how to say it. I'm listening to many things that bring back so many memories. I feel like I'm reliving the past and I'm discovering many things about myself that I never knew existed.

For example, I never noticed how hard I pushed myself. Or how cold I tried to be. I mean... Come on, who lets themself lose out on things that undoubtedly benefit them? Who lets good things pass them by just because they don't think they're good enough?

We really are our own worst enemy.

I was looking in WahPah a little while back and I was reading the rantings of this teenaged girl and how she couldn't understand guys. I started smiling to myself all because I began to realise that I had the answer to the questions that had been stuck in my head. Questions with relation to what she wrote I mean. It'll be easier for you to understand if you just went ahead and read it. So here it is. Sometimes I think we're all in the same boat. We just don't notice it, and even if we do, we're afraid to admit it. People are strange and yet beautiful don't you think? It's a person's complexity that makes them more appealing. In my case, I'd say it's the honesty and how comfortable a guy is in his own skin and how he reacts to people. I've been through enough relationships where the guy is the one that starts being insecure or negative and stuff about everything before anything can even happen. How did they expect the relationship to work out when they just started worrying about things before they could even happen. And we're talking serious what if's here. Things that didn't happen in the end.

I'm at a junction in my life where I guess I don't really want a boyfriend. A relationship... Not quite. Exclusivity... Sort of. I'd just feel a lot better knowing that somewhere out there some one does care about me. After all, despite what people may think, I really am nice. And I do get hurt easily. Not to mention the fact that I care about people. It's not like I mean to come off the other way. It's just the way I am. I'm not some monster that's going to kill you on sight. Sometimes it does seem that way but unless I'm really angry then it's nothing. I'm just me. And I'm not out to get anyone.