Exhaustion takes over as I, Melissa, believes that for once in her life she has had too much to drink in too short a period of time. Not to say that I'm drunk of course. But really, I can't remember the last time I've had this much to drink in the past couple of weeks. Since Jess came, I've been pouring myself shots of Absolut. So Tavia, you'll understand why I'm quite sick of it eh?

Let's just take the last 2 days which involved at least 3 Asahi's, 2 Vodka cranberries, a Screwdriver, a bourbon coke, 2 Corona's and a Heineken not to mention my own little stash PLUS the amount I've been smoking, you could say that I feel pretty much chilled when it comes to drinking at this point. I've had enough. For at least 2 days. Really.

Oh what rubbish, I'm probably going to be drinking again tonight when the family gets together. If not... Well good for them but who the hell cares at this point eh?

I haven't seen the boys or my babes from school in such a long time. I just spoke to Kenny briefly the other day and Luke for a bit too. Rick seems to have himself incredibly busy doing one thing or another with his girlfriend so yea. I'm sorry for not seeing your message till way late Cia... I would've loved to have gone but yea...

I'm beginning to feel very burnt out atm... I need to start planning my party and guest lists and drinks list and food lists and locations... I'm a total wreck at the moment. My parents want to throw one of my friends and another for the family. So yea... Sounds good eh? Now I know why I've got 2 more bottles of Absolut lying around. Flavoured though but who the fuck cares? Alco my friend, IS alco.

I had a couple of really weird dreams. I dreamt I was getting married to this really good looking fella who's about my brother's height. He's either Caucasian or Panasian but I couldn't quite tell. He had short but adorable curly hair. And that put me in such a good mood for the rest of the day. But the following night all that changed when I dreamt about Jed. I dreamt I fell asleep next to him and I woke up to his smiling face as he had his arms around me. Initially I was comfortable with the familiarity but soon after I jolted awake in a cold sweat. *sigh*

You know, seeing Grandma, Grandpa and Godpa's graves the other day was so calming. It was nice to have seen them again. But it was nicer to know that they're still watching out for me. I don't know if they can see this but if they do, they'll know I love them and they'll know I saw them protecting us. Sometimes I do wish I could talk to them. And in order to do that.... Well... I've got to open up again now don't I?

Happy Father's Day.

Bedshaped - Keane