Piss Off

I find that everytime I lose my temper, someone else, whose situation has nothing to do with me or why I got pissed in the first place gets hhurt. It's like my karma is getting reflected onto the people I ove. I don't understand it. I don't understand it at all. I don't understand why people have to go and complicate things that could just as well be perfect. I don't understand why people who know that they have that shot at happiness don't just try to look beyond all the pain.

It was just like that conversation I had with Shawn the other day. We were talking about how everything in life is an experience. And in a strange way, everything does make us suffer. But why is it that people always seem to dwell on such pain when it's quite clear that they really should be more interested in the good things in life. No matter how small. Like that fact that there's at least one person out there who loves them for who they are and not for their status or money or how good they are in bed. Why people seem to put everything to sex is another thing that I don't quite understand. I don't see what the big deal is!

I do understand though that you can't focus on the happy things all the time. In fact, I think it's important to secure a long term happiness versus something that will make you smile for a moment but make you want to jump off a building for weeks after. But let's face it, considering it's ME we're talking about, I'll probably be feeling like doing just that ina few weeks or so. And then promptly decide that doing that is as good as damning my soul. If it's not damned already that is. But who cares eh? The world might be a better plce with one less angsty soon to be gone from teenagedom teenager who sucks the life out of everything. Literally.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a blackhole. Literally sucking the life out of everything. Pretty much useless except to destroy things to which my counterpart, whoever it is, gives life. And now all of you think I'm crazy and I've started babbling nonsense again. Ah well...

I'm tired of being bugged... I'm tired of feeling so tired. I'm tired of being stressed out by stupid little things that would normally have amused me more than anything. I'm sick of these annoying little games that people seem to love to play on me. I'm sick of gettin gasked so many times why I caqn't live in the now. So I'll say it again for the benefit of those who don't yet know my reasoning. The now leads to tomorrow. So if you fuck up the now, you fuck up the later. And what's the fucking point of being happy now when later you're going to be all pissed and angsty and suicidal and you know you can't blame anyone but yourself becase you fucking let it happen! And to the annoying fuck who is in perpetual denial and to his wonderful counterpart who seems to find it incredibly amusing to irritate me by telling me little details of their 'wonderful' lives, if only you 2 could see the amount of damage you're dealing each other. Go on and live in your little world of blind ignorance! Go right ahead. Because when the time comes that the truth is out, you're just going to be asking yourselves why the fuck you went through with it in the first place. At least I was honest to myself and to you. Save for a few minor details which really didn't have anything to do with you after all. Besides, what're you going to do but not believe? And what are you going to do but deny everything as you've always done? And then I get complained about because apparently the world hates your guts because of what I say which in a sense is ENTIRELY TRUE. Honestly, I have given the lot of you ample avenues to voice your opinions but you don't really give a flying fuck. So don't come bitching to me that it's MY fault that people don't like you. They don't because you're a fucking idiot! Wait... that's too leniant.... Ah well...

I swear these past couple of days I've been running around like a nuclear war head just waiting to blow up!! And trust me I've had an icredible amount of patience and the next idiot who comes along and even annoys me, is going to either get ignored if I'm in a better mood, or face whatever anger I have pent up inside.

And yes, I know. Chill