You know my name. You know what I'm like. You know what I love and what I hate. Most of all you know how to get to me. You know how to make me give you what you want without reservation and then slumber while i curl up in a corner questioning everything. Like why I still care. Don't get me wrong. I know what you want. I know exactly what buttons to push and when as well. The difference between you and me is that I don't push them. I think about it quite often. I have it all worked out in my head. And that in itself is enough for me. I mean you know I'l never go through with it and that I'll manage to let it all go. I could you know. Right now. It's just a matter of wanting it but I don't. I want something more than just this.

But you know what? I know that at the end of the day, you're still trying to convince yourself that you can give me what I want but in actuality you have no idea. You don't know where to even begin. Because even as you start, you will always end up betraying me. To serve your own selfish needs. And when things get a little out of hand, you back off because you realise that it won't help. Nothing will. You already know that you made a huge mistake. I don't need to tell yourself that. Just looking at me reminds you of everything that you dreamt of. I remind you of the things that you want. I'm not trying to be egoistic here. I'm not even suggesting that it's me that you want.

You will always want things that are just barely out of reach. I can only hope that for your sake, you'll find the point where it's enough. And that at some point in time you'll be ok with it.