I am not in the mood to do... anything. I'm leaving on Friday fyi. I don't really want to go though. What's the point? I'm better of staying put. Why bother wasting the money right? I'd rather spend it on something that I want. At the end of the day, I'm still stuck in a place where I'm pretty much dragged out to do this and that. It's a mad capped society of demands and expectations. I'm quite tired of these expectations and I'm more tired of the world passing me by.

Most of all, I'm probably over reacting again. And It probably makes no sense, but I refused to be trumped by people who can't possibly know what I know. Who can't possibly be all that is required. Can they? I don't think so but that's not rationality talking. Nothing about me right now is very rational.

I'm ok. Really I am. I'm just trying to be strong despite that I already am. I'm trying to trust in things and situations such that it'll always work out as it should regardless of whether it's what I want. Am I really being biased? It was my honest opinion. If you can't take it then... what more can I do right? There is nothing. Nothing at all.

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

Is it selfish because I still want to talk? About anything at all? Anything but the possibility that you might have... You said something funny to me today. That mel was back. I never went away. It's sad though, that you never realised that it was me all along.

It's surprising to me still that no matter what, I always find something to say when I'm feeling the way I am right now. That I'll always want you to hear me. But something else made me smile. It is worth it. It will always be worth it. We fight the good fight and we choose our battles to our strengths. Every now and then, we are called to arms even when we aren't ready. There's nothing more that can be done but to do our very best and to not give up. Giving up is losing the battle before it has even begun. I'm sorry that it looks like you had given up. But.. I know. I know what no one else can know. I see what no one else can see. And to hell with anyone who tries to tell me I'm lying to myself because I know I'm not. I know the reason why. It's a dream. It still is a beautiful dream. I mean, there's no such thing as a story without conflict right?

The difference between reality and the silver screen is this: people tend to give up for many different reasons. I may not agree with them but it doesn't mean that they're wrong and I'm right. It just means that people see things differently and I'm not about to judge anyone. It's not my place and I have no interest in it. The only person I can and will judge is me. And as such, I will continue to do what I feel is right.

I will feel. And it will be ok. It will always be ok. I know it sounds like I'm trying to convince myself because... I am. I'm scared. So very scared. I know what you'd say to me though. The same thing you always say to me when I get afraid before anything can really happen. "Don't let fear stop you from greatness" So with this in mind, I fight on.

On a lighter and albeit scarier note, my basic theory test is tomorrow. Ok fine, maybe it's not scary at all but I'm a little panicked. Knowing the material is one thing. Falling into their trick question traps is another! Gah, I wish I had the cash to just take a cab there tomorrow -_- I think the problem with me and transport is that I hate going anymore coz it takes too long. And driving myself around won't make it any easier because a big part of the traveling that makes it long doesn't have much to do with time or distance. I just don't quite like going alone.

Maybe that really is my biggest fear then. I hate the notion of being alone and yet, I choose solitude whenever the opportunity arises. It's like... separation anxiety. I get really uncomfortable when certain people leave. In fact, I hate it when people leave in general.I don't particularly enjoy leaving either. It's the same syndrome I've been battling with for years. I want my cake and I want to eat it!!! Is it really too much to ask for? I suppose it is kinda. I can't expect someone to always be there to hold my hand as I cross the street. But still... I wish...