Someone tell me what I'm getting myself into. Someone tell me what is it that I'm doing. Because I don't quite know.

I'm not upset or anything so don't get me wrong. I just feel like crap. I blame the lack of sleep, the inability to sleep and the stupid not to mention annoying feeling in my throat that nothing seems to be able to make better. And I seriously doubt that smoking is helping it very much.

There's so much that I want to be able to tell you. I meant everything I said. I want you to see and know the real me and what I'm like and what I do, good or bad. See, I want all these things. I'm just not sure if you want the same thing from me. I recently found out why you are the way you are. News spreads like wild fire and yet it took this long for it to finally click in my head. I know you're probably never going to get to this but sometimes putting thoughts to words helps. A lot.

So here's the deal. Things aren't just what they seem and I'm the kind of person that thrives on reassurances. It's silly I know but it's just me. I don't expect it every 5 seconds but it would be nice to hear you now and then.

Don't hold my crazy talk against me will ya? I'm quite heavily sedated. Perhaps I should have just taken ONE denzen and not TWO like my mother asked. Who would've thought the one time I decide to listen to my mom, it turned out like this eh?

I spoke to her today incidentally. My mom I mean. I know it was just... 2 hours ago but somehow it feels like it's been a day ago. I hate being sick. It screws with my judgement not to mention my sense of location and time. And on top of all this my motivation has hit rock bottom. AGAIN. Oh well.

Hang in there my pets, I will be with you soon. Sooner than you think evidently. I miss you and love you. I don't want you to worry about me right now even as I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place. I'll be fine. We're survivors babe, we do what we must to go on.