It's come to a point where being honest gets you no where anymore. It's come to a point for thinking that something good might come out of the storm is the stupidest thing on the planet. And it was a fucking BAD idea for the realist in me to turn idealist.

For one, I can't have a decent conversation with people without having to worry about repurcussions. I can't sit and think about people without a whole other mess coming into play. I have NEVER had to worry about this kinda bullshit in my entire life! But then again, I have never gotten into such a disgusting tangle in my entire life. Perhaps disgusting isn't the word to use because for a while it's nice then after that it's just plain rotten. Heck, rotten's a fucking understatement!

For fuck's sake, you have a nice relationship why the fuck let something so small and intrepid get to you? Is it so damned wrong to just face facts and accept the damned thing for what it is?! Why do you even have to bother anymore? I thought you were supposed to be fucking HAPPY. If the whole world's irritating you maybe you should just drop fucking dead instead of BLAMING ME for covering up for you. God knows why you still put up with this God damned bullshit. FUCKING IDIOT! I still find myself wondering after all the nonsense I've dealt with why I still have the fucking patience to deal with you! I mean it looks very clear that what you want is something you shouldn't get in the first place. I mean honestly, how in God's name did you expect it to turn out? Did you think I was gonna let shit happen? Did you? Well guess again ass hole, you're digging your own grave.

And YES, in case you haven't fucking noticed, I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF!

Sigh... I really don't want to be pissed off at you. Really, I don't. It's just that sometimes you make it so damned difficult with all this stupid deception and then with the messing of peoples heads that you seem to love to do so much. Is that what you're after? Just to mess with my head? Sure, go ahead. Go on, I'm the irritating one. It's always MEL'S FAULT. Look in the mirror you idiot, why don't you just think for one minute. Everytime you've got some stupid little thing you come to me. Everytime something backfires you come running to me. For God's sake, no. For you're own sake, open your eyes will you? You're life's a mess because you let it be. You want a simple life, stop complicating things with this whole it's up to you bull shit.

I get the feeling when I wake up tomorrow or even say in a few hours, I'm gonna land up regretting all this that I'm typing. *sigh*