"Being in the media industry, I’ve learned that things are never as easy as they look. Television programmes, radio talk shows and even online magazines are the results of a lot of hard work. It’s just like a song. Your lyrics and the accompanying music have to come together perfectly before it can even make waves. It is not all glitz and glam like people perceive.


Bottom line is, life is too short for you to allow yourself to stay hidden under a rock. Life is all about choices, right ones and wrong ones. But it’s not which choice you make that counts. It’s learning and growing from each and every experience. "

I wrote that. Last year. Just before Jed and I broke up. If I recall correctly I heard The Moffatts (yes yes boyband...) blaring on the radio. If life is so short why won't you let me love you before we run out of time. And the brilliant part of that is, I have come to realise, I hadn't let Jed love me. I didn't and couldn't bring myself to trust him when we were together. And now, about 6 months later, I'm getting hate tags from his apparent fiance. Honestly Jed, we got together what, in June last year? We barely lasted a week to begin with. But that was my fault. I let my insecurities run wild. I didn't allow myself to love you until it was too late. But perhaps not. You are quite happy with yourself now aren't you.

The reason why I'm bringing all this up is because I found something I wrote for you quite awhile back. It makes very little sense but I thought I'd say it now.

"I love you, you idiot. I love you despite all the pain that I've suffered, I still do love you. I'm not sure if I'm being childish again or not but just the thought of you makes me feel like a little girl all over again. I'm not saying I need to be pampered or anything though. Being with you just let's me breathe. Stupid stupid stupid angel. You have no idea what I'd go through for you. You have no idea what I still am going through for you, my stupid angel. "

Childish isn't it. As I stare at it now I can't really remember why I said what I said. But since I've decided to publish it for the world to see, let me say this. I wish you well in whatever you do. If and when you get married, I hope that you will be happy. It doesn't matter whether I'm invited to your wedding or not. It would be nice but what I want is pretty much irrelevant. You used to tell me that. You'd say that it only mattered what I wanted. Well Jed, it is relevant. I don't want you to be sad. I want you to be happy. I want me to be happy. Clearly you're with someone who makes you happy now. I just hope that whoever she is, she'll trust you and let you love her better than I did.

There are a lot of things that I should have told you a long time ago. But it's all in the past now. And yes, I am surviving. In fact, I think I might have stumbled across someone. It will be utterly embarrassing if he reads this but who cares eh? I've hardly ever been one to be embarrassed. I wish you well Jed. In fact, I'd like to wish all the happy couples well. Cia, Ian. Geoff and his Jha :P Nas, Saf. Amelia, Dong. Karol and eh eh eh :) Drey, Rick. And all the others of whom I either can't remember or am too lazy to type out. I better be invited to your weddings or I will hunt you down!!!