I walk a lonely road. Most of the time, I am alone. But at others, I've got my stupid angel with me. I mean I hear about such wonderful relationships all the time. Where people do love each other and people do care about each other. And I sit and wonder why is it that no matter what I do I can't seem to have that. I wish I did. I really wish I did.

Eliza wrote me another testimonial today. This is a bit of what she said "She listens, she can go mad, she can get impatient,
but at the end of the day, she cares. She has had her share of hard knocks in life but she manages in between her busy life to make time for friends... Though I must say she always finds herself in trouble. She needs a Man who will fill her deepest desires and I hope one day she will find that Man. A Man who not only takes care of her, and loves her, but shows her that the best sort of love is the heavenly sort." One thing I can say I disagree with is I don't need someone who can fill my desires. I just need someone who cares enough to stick around. Someone who cares enough to try and help me. I just want someone who won't leave. Is that so difficult. I mean sure I've got tonnes of friends but in the end, they have their own lives and their own relationships to go to. I just think it's sad that there are people like Jed and whoever it is he's with are getting married but his fiance is so insecure about ME and I'm not even doing anything. I'm just trying to live my life as best as I can even though I'm perpetually worried about one thing or another. Please, I'm graduating. I don't want to have spent the whole of my final year in Mass Comm having to worry about Jed or watching my back because whoever Jed is with now isn't happy with me. I'm this close damnit. In fact, I'm not just about to graduate from Ngee Ann Mass Comm. I'm about to be an Undergrad. And yes, that is a big deal to me.

I just want to be happy. Is that so difficult? Do you have to keep standing in my way? Honestly people, please, why can't you just leave me be. I hate fighting and I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to live the good life. For once. Is that too much to ask of you?

I ask you to be honest
I ask you not to lie
I ask you to be true to me
I'm not asking you to die.