well FUCK YOU too

Let me just say this ONCE AND FOR FUCKING ALL. If I say NO, I fucking mean NO1 Do not push me you fucking idiots coz I swear to God, I will push back.

I’m in a weird mood. I feel like smoking my guts out and picking a fight with ANYONE and EVERYONE over ANYTHING. I might’ve got it from hanging out with you eh? I’ve like a fuck load of work to do and I’m too damned pissed to do jack shit. Why? I don’t rightly know. I doubt it had anything to do with yesterday. I was like this on Saturday when I completely flared up at Rick over nothing. I’m sorry man. It’s a stupid excuse but I’m not in a right state of mind at the moment. Take no offence ok? I don’t want to hurt you but honestly…

I feel like an ice cold beer. Unfortunately for me, I’ve run out of beer. Yes, I’ve dug into my stash and there is none left. Pathetic. So what if I like drinking and smoking. Doesn’t make me any less human than any of the sorry fucks who’re judging me. Ya, it’s bad for me. As are a large number of bad things that almost everyone’s guilty of doing eh? Don’t think for one second that I actually give a fuck. I’m aiming for less complication on my part. I hate having to explain myself to anyone.

In case you were wondering, I’m fucking cracking. I hate feeling like this. I hate wanting to destroy someone and yet no be able to. I hate wanting to kill someone and not being able to. I hate IT. The fucking troll that started all this shit. Yes, I blame IT. Think about it love, we were fucking happy. I was happy and so were you. And a lot of people were too. Well not a lot but enough. It’s because of IT that there’re so many complications now. I can’t understand why IT won’t leave us alone. And why you can’t just get IT to fuck off.

By the way, I love you. I don’t give a fuck what people say. I don’t care what they think I should do. Because if they really cared for me then they’d know that I’ll fight them. I don’t let anyone get in my way. Not when it’s my happiness at stake. I know I said I’m sick of fighting. I am. But if I don’t fight then who will? Reality just hit me. I feel like I’m dying. (cue the Mel you’re being over dramatic) I DON’T CARE! DON’T YOU GET THAT?! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! SO WHAT IF THIS LOOKS LIKE I’M THROWING A FUCKING TANTRUM! SO WHAT IF YOU ALL THINK I’M A CHILDISH FUCK. THAT’S YOU’RE FUCKING PERROGATIVE AND I’M NOT ABOUT TO DEMAND YOU CHANGE IT! NOBODY LIKES A WHORE LIKE YOU. YOU HEAR ME? YOU’RE ALONE. Ironically, I’m pretty much alone too. By right, I’m not supposed to be alone on this. But I somehow am. God knows where he is or what he’s thinking. Who knows where we are. Who knows what anything’s become.

We’re just a bunch of fuck ups living our fucked up lives. And just like you said, we get loads of perfectly good opportunities but we somehow manage to fuck it up. My patience is amazingly still here. It hasn’t grown thin yet. Yet. This is another one of those I wish I could just die days. Still wish you were here. Or at least answering. Sleep tight love.