Quite a few people are going to ask me what all that was about. And quite a few already have. So here it is.

My life seems so surreal. It's like a game. Sometimes it's a dream but more often than not it's a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from. Right now, it's a delusion. A delusion that keeps telling me I've got loads of time and there's nothing to worry about when in fact, there is a world of things to worry about. A world of things that I need to have settled. A tonne of shit that just isn't going to go away just like that.

I'm running around searching for some form of comfort that doesn't exist because I refuse to see the truth. The truth being that everything doesn't come up daisies and good things don't just happen to good people. And that no matter how hard I try, sometimes I won't get what I want. And this brings be to wonder what is it that I want?

Do I want the one thing that I scorn? It really seems like it doesn't it?

My Daddy took me out to dinner tonight at Jumbo Water Front. It was alright. But all of a sudden I felt like I had already left home. I never want someone to tell me that Melbourne is home because it isn't. And I don't think that it can ever be because no matter what happens, my home is here in the desolate island. And this is only the way it is because I feel like there's nothing left for me here. And I have the feeling that I'm right. Staying means living a wasted life. But going back means giving up things that I want to hold on to.

Sometimes means all the time. Maybe. Maybe I need to stay. But who knows right? I'm just a fucked up girl that doesn't know what she wants. I'm just a fucked up girl who wants to belong somewhere. How is that going to work while I keep deluding myself? Am I lying to myself again? It really seems like it. Sometimes things are too good to be true.