I HATE YOU. I hate having to be so fucking nice to you when I just want to kill you. I HATE YOU for making me feel so fucking shitty about myself. I HATE myself for putting myself in this position. I HATE myself for being there. I HATE the fact that you keep popping up in the middle of no where. I HATE the fact that I can't just tell you to fuck off and leave me alone. I HATE YOU so damned much. I HATE you because I care too much to just let you go. I hate feeling like this. I hate it. I hate everything.

I just told Alex that I'd be happier in Melbourne. And he asked if it was because of him. Stupid question. I have a slight change of heart in my statement. I'd be happier dead. That way I wouldn't have to feel this shitty. That way, I wouldn't have to feel at all. But.. I don't want to die knowing that it's not my time or that I'll leave the people that love be back behind.

I hate having people constantly on my back. I don't want you to ask. I don't want you to ask me stupid questions to which you already know the answer to. Why bother? I wish you'd just tell me what's going on. I wish I didn't like you at all. But I don't believe in wishes do I. I stopped so long ago.

People keep telling me that it's good that I'm taking interest. I don't know. What's the point? I'm leaving. I'm leaving in what 11? 10 days? I'm not going to be here. I don't have to face you anymore. Ok, fine. That's a lie. I still have to. I still will force myself to. I torture myself.

I wish I could just cry. For no reason at all. I wish I didn't have to lie. I don't want to have to put up a mask for you. Just when I took it all down too. I suppose a part of me likes being vulnerable. It's real that way isn't it? But no... I have to be strong. That's just me isn't it?

I'm just the flower girl aren't I Rick? Aren't I Kenny? I'm just the flower girl. Why can't I just be me. When is that going to be enough?

When am I going to reach a point where people stop waiting for me to fuck up.