pieces of me

Over and over again. Everything just keeps repeating itself. Is it really getting better or is it getting worse? No one can ever know right? For all I know I didn't change. For all I know this was the same person she used to be all those years ago. I've spent so much time reminiscing that I don't know who or what I've become or who or what I was. I still do the same things. I've added oodles more bad habits. But I'm still me aren't I? I'm still me inside. I know I keep saying that no one will ever change that but am I just living in denial of it? Haven't I already changed? I can't quite say.

I remember talking to Kenny about this a while back. He said I'm a better person now than I used to be. I can't help but wonder what was wrong about me back then. I know I was ignorant. I know that parts of my mentality was too warped to believe. But who's to say I wasn't a better person. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see me. Just like when I cut my hair. I closed my eyes and I refused to look until it was mostly over. And when I looked again, I didn't know who it was staring back. And now I see myself again. This is me isn't it? I'm real. I'm not a lie. I don't mean to be fake even though sometimes I am the poseur that I scorn. But deep down... I just want to be me. Perfect in my own way. Still the innocent little girl who just wants to be found.