Ever had the feeling that people are always watching you? Most seem to think it's more someone who's waiting to see them fall. But I don't think so. For some reason, I keep seeing people who are looking up to me now. People who're depending on me to make things better. People who're following my every move. People suddenly mirroring me.

Why. It's probably not true. But why all the same. Why do I feel this way. Why do I keep thinking that people are just out to get me. To be better than me. And I let them. I don't see it as a competition of who's better than who. But if you wish to be like me, then you're in for it because you don't know me at all. You have no idea what you're getting into. Doing the things I do isn't going to cut it. It's not going to make you like me at all. Because in the end, there can only be one me. And you'll just be an illusion.

On much happier notes, Jada went and got her guitar!! w00t w00t w00t! I still don't know if I want to bring mine back to Melbourne. Or if I can for that matter. I'll take it to the air port with me but there's still the question of being able to bring it on board the plane. Ah well...

I'm kind of afraid of going back. Part of me doesn't want to have to live through the pressure. Thinking about going back is making my life difficult. I shouldn't have to think about it. It's something that I have to do. It's something that I should be prepared for right? What if... What if I go back and everything changes? What if it's not going to be all that I think it should be? Am I ready for the disappointment? Don't tell me that I'm being paranoid. Because even when I drop my expectations to near nothingness, I'm still disappointed. So what's the use? There is none. I told someone that I've forgotten how to hope. Maybe I haven't. Maybe it's just too hard for me. Maybe I just don't want to be disappointed anymore.